You happy, soccer fans?

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Ya couldn’t keep your mouths shut. For whatever reason it became so important to everyone to convert all the “non-believers” out there that soccer is a great sport…that you need to get into the game because it’s only a matter of time before everyone in the US morphs into an Italian Ultra on Saturdays. Well guess what…F’ you! I can’t enjoy my footie anymore because I’m constantly being trolled by assholes. I’ve got claptraps like Anne Coulter clogging my twitter feed with…well, I don’t know what she’s saying. I’ve got John Dennis declaring US Soccer as pathetic because they “parked the bus” against Germany (Google Chelsea-Champions League-2013). I’ve got Eric Wilbur taking a dump on what I would consider the most technically dominant performance for US Soccer on the World Stage…ever! I’ve got jackasses sitting on bar stools next to me plotting the installation of hockey blue lines.  I’ve got NBA fans on the other side telling me their disdain for tickie-tackie foul dramtics.

This could have been great, but no. Instead, I am forced to suffer until this god forsaken tourney ends and Champions League qualifiers begin in peaceful obscurity.

So do me a favor, if you’re not watching soccer, don’t. The sport sucks. It’s not worth your time.

Obama bets cases of beer with Canada’s Prime Minster over hockey games

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Yahoo Sports

The United States and Canada are on the proverbial collision course on the hockey rink in both the men’s and women’s divisions. And since the world would probably look unfavorably on the U.S. invading Canada, the leaders of both nations have resorted to a more sporting form of settling disputes: a gentleman’s wager.

President Barack Obama and Prime Minister Steven Harper have bet a case of beer on each game. “For a very brief period of time, I may not feel as warm towards Canadians as I normally do, at least until those matches are over,” Obama told Harper while both were at a leaders’ meeting in Mexico on Thursday.

The leaders announced the bet on Twitter:

.@pmharper and I bet on the women’s and men’s US-Canada hockey games. Winner gets a case of beer for each game. #GoTeamUSA! -bo

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) February 20, 2014

I’m betting @barackobama one case of Canadian beer per hockey game this week. #teamusa is good, but #WeAreWinter. #GoCanadaGo @WhiteHouse

— Stephen Harper (@pmharper) February 20, 2014

Everyone in Canada reading this article: “Only two cases of beer, eh? What the fuck are we supposed to do with two cases of beer?”