…he’d sign an executive order declaring all bars open for Saturday’s puck drop against the Red Army. As it stands right now, he’s probably shuffling around the White House in his Tretiak jersey.
So far, I have an unofficial confirmation that Whipple will not be open. Any other Lowell bars planning to get your Kegs’n Eggs on while our Hockey team rips the heart of the Soviet soul…let us know. email@example.com
Look at these high fashion nukes we’re sending over to Russia. I’m not going to lie, I had a little movement in the pants when I saw this get up. I’m pretty sure it was the outfit, but it may also have been Zach Parise in the outfit. Either way, your move Putin.
PS. I’m pretty sure Canada already pulled once they saw these things.
See what I did there? Can you imagine the amusement/outrage if this happened to [insert lying scumbag politician you may or may not like here]? Whichever zany Russian came up with this one doesn’t deserve a one way trip to the gulag, he deserves the key to the city. Outstanding.