Tyngsboro is slowly getting back to what it does best.

Lowell Sun

TYNGSBORO — A former strip-club owner’s controversial request for an entertainment license at Duke’s Pub and Grille — to allow performers dressed in bikinis and Speedos to dance in-house — was approved 3-2 by the Board of Selectmen Monday night.

Selectmen reviewed Duke’s owner Don DiRocco’s request earlier this month and asked more questions Monday at a public hearing. Duke’s is located on Frost Road and DiRocco previously told the board he was looking for approval of the license to boost business.

After grilling DiRocco for more than a half-hour Monday night, Chairwoman Karyn Puleo said she did not receive enough information from DiRocco to vote in favor of the license.

“Let this beautiful patch of land be a safe harbor for Roller Skaters and Strippers.” Colonel Tyng – 1705

As the chief expert in Tyngsboro culture, I have a hard time believing I wasn’t given a press credential for this event.  Nevertheless, our neighbors up north did not disappoint.  In any town across the country, hysterics over the idea of allowing a windowless bar the opportunity to present women of various variety, dancing in their finest beach attire…would be perfectly reasonable.  But this recent puritanical crusade they’ve got going on up there is too much.  It’s like spending time with that really over-the-top Born Again Christian that is only 1 short prison term removed from blowing coke off of surface area provided by hooker body parts.  Don’t run away from who you are Tyngsboro.  Some places are meant to offer great schools, cute downtowns, and well-to-do people.  Other places were meant to offer negotiable fees to have a lost soul have sex with your kneecaps for the duration of a Motley Crue song.

Things are not looking good for the Tyng.

20130905-073340.jpgBoston.com
BOSTON (AP) — State health officials have confirmed a case of mosquito-borne Eastern equine encephalitis in a horse in Tyngsborough, the third case in a horse this year.

The health department said Wednesday it is raising the mosquito threat level to ‘‘critical’’ in the north central Massachusetts community. Nearby Chelmsford, Dracut, Dunstable, Groton, Lowell, and Westford have been raised to ‘‘moderate’’ risk.

Ha! And you thought getting rid of all the strippers was the ticket to a disease free Tyngsboro. Well, the joke is on you. Call me nostalgic, but I liked Tyngsboro a lot better when it was all about boobs and roller skating. Ever since they turned the place over to new construction and horse hunting mosquitos, it hasn’t been the same.

Pic ganked from google images, whatever.