Lowell Sun

LOWELL — The bikes lanes installed on Father Morissette Boulevard last year could soon be a thing of the past.

Mayor Rodney Elliott and City Councilor Rita Mercier have filed a motion for Tuesday’s meeting requesting that the council vote to revert Father Morissette back to four lanes of traffic and have the bike lanes removed.

The roadway was converted to one-lane traffic in each direction last year when bike lanes were added to the street.

Elliott said the lanes are a safety hazard for drivers and the reduction in traffic lanes to accommodate them hurts traffic. He also same he believes the lanes are underutilized.

“We have enough traffic congestion problems, we don’t need to create anymore,” Elliott said. “The intent should be to move vehicles in and out of the city.”

Last February, the City Council approved a $2 million loan order to allow the city to purchase more than 150 parking-meter kiosks and add more than 150 parking spaces, as well as some of the kiosks, on the street. Elliott was the lone vote against the loan order.

“Bikes are out. Cars are in. Mayor Piper, out!“

I hear you Rod. This Bike Lane bullshit is for nobody but hippies and drunks. F’ that noise! We don’t need it! The sooner we get back to funneling two lanes of traffic onto our one lane bridges, all will be right in the world. The sun will come out, RIMZ-U-LIKE will be back in business, we’ll be able to keep the high school downtown…wait, what?

PS.  Nobody hates bike lanes more than the old dudes.  Its as if the Doc flips some sort of switch during that first prostate exam that sets off an irrational tick the moment painted bike lanes appear.  They start hooting, hollering, and having legit heart attacks…which is why you see Grapes Mercier cosigning.


Mayor Elliott Absolutely Destroys the St Paddy’s Day Breakfast


Shades of Richard Pryor and Sam Kinison in their prime.  Just eviscerating the room with comedic nukes.  At a certain point, the laughter was so uproarious that it kept knocking WCAP off the air between every masterful line.  Panos and Fontanella have some splain’n to do because those of us on the radio end just got awkward silences.  You’re better than that fellas.

…and how about this Coakley bird trying to big league our mayor?   She’s a day removed from “SHEMA” and all of a sudden she’s a Last Coming Standing judge?  I wonder what she said about Willie Lantigua during all those Lawrence St Paddy’s day breakfasts? 

The birth of the “Does this smell like Art?” Commission


Lowell Sun

LOWELL — Neighbor disputes are a part of life, whether it’s a matter of noise issues, parking-space encroachment or trash removal, but when the dispute between South Loring Street neighbors in Lower Highlands led to a toilet bowl being used as a planter, Taya Dixon Mullane had enough.

Councilor Rodney Elliott put the item, which came up at a recent Candidates Night forum, on the agenda. He questioned why it was allowed in the city.

“There are so many other things you can’t put in your front yard. It’s unfortunate we’re having this discussion. It seems like they are doing it to be spiteful. Porcelain fixtures are allowed in the city? Apparently so, but they shouldn’t be. At what point do we say, ‘It’s art, it’s allowable or it’s a toilet bowl’? If we have to enact an ordinance to address this, that’s pretty sad. It’s an eyesore.”

Well, there’s two undeniable facts here; the City of Lowell has a lot of Art, and most definitely has a lot of toilets. Trying to define the difference between the two however, has never been harder.

“At what point do we say, ‘It’s art, it’s allowable or it’s a toilet bowl’?” –Mark Twain Rodney Elliott.

Fortunately, among our ranks is a man who makes gray area’s wish they were never born. That man is Mayor Rowdy Roddy Elliott. He’ll get to the bottom of this issue, one lid at a time. He’ll no doubt be forming a rogue task force like the Untouchables, combing the streets of Lowell to determine the true limitations of porcelain art. You want to put a toilet on your lawn? Fine, but there better be a duke in it. Where, When, Why, What? It doesn’t matter. Whether it’s the half bath off your formal living room, or a handicap stall at the Tsongas Arena, when Mayor Rowdy pokes his head under that stall door, you better be ready to answer some tough questions.