Back Off In Haiku: 3/21/18

Please note: the following poems are translated from angry phone calls to a newspaper. The translator is not responsible for whatever the point (if any) of the caller might have been.

Cawley was too far
Now they want Six Gun City?
All kinds of crazy

City Manager
Drives a Crown Victoria
A badge is missing

Donations refused
Library doesn’t want books
Homeless Harlequins

Too many weapons
Kids learn through video games
Neglectful parents

Beach front property
Million dollar moron house
We all subsidize

White people need rights
Or at least a support group
Not just NRA

Too many condos
No one moves to Tewksbury
Building a ghost town

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Back Off in #Haiku. 10/17/14.

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Backtalk:

Four-wheeler stolen.
The toy kind out in Townsend.
Call cops with all leads.

Massholes flying north.
New Hampshire so much cheaper.
Longer commute though.

Violence ev’rywhere.
We’re surrounded by chaos.
Apocalypse now.

We should have more guns.
That should cut back on stabbings.
Fist fights hurt my hands.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/16/14.

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[I understand sometimes it can be hard to catch when I’m making fun of something and when the original post actually says something better than I can with just seventeen syllables. I think this might be one of those days where you’ll want to check the source materials, Backtalk in the Lowell Sun and Sound Off in the Lawrence Eagle Tribune. Normally though I sum things up pretty well. Enjoy.]

Backtalk:

Obama takes guns.
Gives us Ebola instead.
Tinfoil hat unstrapped.

Baker likes sick time.
But not for small businesses.
Sneeze in my omelette.

Too many detours.
Ten minutes added to commute.
Someone’s gonna pay.

Murphy’s replacement.
18th Middlesex District.
Needs to malleable.

Corey Belanger.
Got us 17 million.
Now fix the damn bridge.

Sound Off

Learn to speak Spanish.
Or stay out of bodegas.
eso tan difícil?

Plaistow train station.
We voted no already.
Keep the Massholes out.

Malone did her job.
Superintendents get bucks.
Don’t need accolades.

Birth control costs.
WalMart and Hobby Lobby.
Better than you think.

The right hates workers.
They’ll never help you at all.
Stop voting for them.

Gen’ral Lafayette.
Gave us freedom from England.
Keep his statue clean.