Back Off in #Haiku. 11/4/14



Mayor don’t matter.
Sorry about Menino.
But stop wasting ink.

UML hockey.
Winter version of Spinners.
Fun cheap fam’ly night.

5th grade football team.
Tewksbury undefeated.
Role models for all.

Maine’s Ebola nurse.
No respect for hysteria.
What a selfish bitch.

Sound Off

Plowers want a raise.
Buried hydrants and broke stuff.
No reward is earned.

New Hampshire Bruins.
Was really gonna happen.
City shot it down.

Maine Ebola nurse.
Very inconsiderate.
Most nurses don’t suck.

Heroin O.D.
Proof that we need to ban pot.
Just take some Advil.

Timberlane School Board
Green has a bad attitude.
Always butting heads.

Rename Boston’s bridge.
From “Zakim” to “Menino.”
Or another one.

Voting against calls.
The more a party calls me.
The more it costs them.

What We’ve Learned: Ned’s January 2014 City Politics Update


We’re halfway through January and quite frankly, it’s been a little slow in the local political sphere.  Mostly Non-event after Non-event.  I’ve all but checked out for the winter.  But politics are my thing, and I suppose its the reason #TheCabot pays me the bucks.

Since others in the alternative media circle have done an outstanding and sane job of detailing where things are heading, I’ll just stick to what we know to be true:
The School Committee has attitude.  Through the early going, it’s been the school committee that has been hogging the spot light…throwing lavish cocktail parties to pat themselves on the back for beating a field of one guy.   Talk about cocky.

There’s a new Mayor.  Rodney Elliott begrudgingly accepted his colleague’s call to man the Mayoral gavel, and is concerned that the added mayoral deliverables will commandeer his drive to fulfill his two main goals for this term: getting to know more white people and uniting the clans in support of building a statue of Bernie Lynch where the City owned manger used to sit.

Meanwhile, Mayor Elliott has a list of finalists to serve as his aid for the next two years to life.

Pericles is in Rehab.

The City Manager is Unsettled.   As expert tea leaf reader, its strikes me that Bernie Lynch may want to shut it down.  I can feel it deep in my plums.  It may be his body language, or it may be the letter of resignation he provided to the Council.  It’s hard to really know for sure, but we’ll keep an eye on this one.  Whatever happens, I’m sure his exit will be quick and resolute.

Institutions are Institutions.  Councilor Rita Mercier continues to dazzle us with her ballet of rational thought and graceful…whatever the opposite of belligerence is.    Her constituents will be pleased that they’ll be able to find inanimate plaster statues shaped like biblical icons located somewhere near the Bernie Lynch statue…assuming they’re all still ticking for next year’s holiday season.  The good news is that the presence of the Bronze Bernie will make next year’s nativity splendor constitutional…not that it matters.

This council is a win for Downtown.  The ACLU is closing in on the finalization of their plans to relocate their headquarters to Downtown Lowell.  A massive win for the City’s starved commercial real estate market.

There are Dream Jobs at City Hall.  While just about everything with a pulse in City Administration has resigned at this point, I’m pretty sure City Solicitor Christine O’Connor is here to stay.  Where else can you find a well-paying gig where absolutely nothing is expected of you?  Hash Tag Dream Job.

Failed Council Candidates keep marching on.  Failed council candidate and ZBA Board member Van Pech…aka Van Pecs, singlehandedly moved downtown’s unwanted methadone clinic to Greater Chelmsford where it belongs.  Like he literally cleaned, jerked, and walked it across the city like one of those phsyco Crossfit guys.  Meanwhile, Matt Vieira has almost completed a cogent thought on social media and convinced Siri to vote for him next time around.

Does anyone want to play the Red Raiders right now?


Rumor has it that after this weekend, a group of parents in Andover have sought legal counsel with regard to the removal all score boards from MVC athletic competitions.
Making matters worse is that the scope of LHS renovation project just changed dramatically with the requirement for more square footage in the trophy room.


Please tell me that I’m not crazy…


Football Sunday. Lil’ impromptu gathering over on Elliott Drive. Feeling that the day called for fistfuls of protein and exotic sauces, I bopped down to WingsOver-Lowell to grab a B-17 Bomber. Easy Peasy. The only problem was that now I had to figure out a flavor for 60 pieces of chicken. Tough to do. So many variables to consider. Spicy, sweet, buffalo…what level buffalo?!?! I agonized over this for solid 30 minutes before picking up the phone.

What was the verdict? It didn’t matter because apparently I already blew the order when I didn’t grab boneless wings. The overwhelming majority of my football viewing cohorts confirmed that only cavemen and Les Stroud eat chicken on a bone. This blew my mind. I’m not saying my palette is more refined than the next guy, but I do have five seasons of Top Chef under my belt, so yeah, my palette is more refined than the next guy. Ignoring the fact that bone-in almost always guarantees flavor and tenderness, bone-in wins strictly on convenience…you only have one hand, assuming a beer is occupying the other. Nobody wants to be that loser at the football party asking for silverware. It’s debatable whether a napkin is even needed.

I’m pretty sure I’m right on this matter, but I’m curious what our Cabot readers have to offer? Bone-in or out?

OJ Simpson caught Red Handed

I’m not saying OJ Simpson beheaded his ex wife and her boyfriend stole oatmeal cookies, what I am saying is IF OJ Simpson  beheaded his ex wife and her boyfriend stole some cookies he’d shove them up his shirt so he could eat them in his cell later on.

This time, O.J. Simpson was caught red-handed.

The former football star is currently serving a 33-year prison sentence for armed robbery, and he apparently has a pretty big sweet tooth. Simpson was recently caught stealing cookies from the chow line by guards in the Nevada prison, the Daily Mail reports.

Guards reportedly saw Simpson trying to hide something underneath his prison clothes as he walked back to his cell after lunch one day and, after further investigation, found that the former USC standout had a stash of “more than a dozen oatmeal cookies,” which were taken away. A source told the National Enquirer that Simpson didn’t seem contrite about his actions.

“O.J. just stood there with a goofy grin on his face as the guard kept digging inside his shirt and throwing the cookies on the floor,” the source said.

Full article here. 

Freaking OJ.  I love me some oatmeal cookies but really OJ?  A dozen of them?  You fat bastard.