Tewksbury…Apopka…it’s all the same.

Orlando Local 6

A 6-foot gator slithered up to the Apopka store’s entryway Sunday morning and stayed there, causing the automatic doors to open and close. Employees locked the door to keep the gator out while Apopka police officers tried to lure the animal away. As customers gathered around to view the alligator and take pictures, the beast took off for the woods. Officers scoured the swampy area neighboring the building, but lost sight of the alligator. The gator has not been seen since it crawled into the woods. No one was injured in the incident.

I suppose the humor in this story is Wal-Mart discriminately turning away an alligator…especially in Florida of all places. This Gator meets the standard of your typical Wal-mart patron in every way. He’s obviously unemployed, and rough around the edges from an appearance perspective. He doesn’t have a valid driver’s license and about 90% of the goods sold in store are inappropriate with regard to its current living situation. Locking the door most likely meant one less sale of a paintball gun or an inappropriately big TV. No big deal. You could layoff a cashier and a greeter and recoup that loss in slightly less than four years.
That said, my Wal-Mart experience begins and ends with a few visits to Tewksbury’s commercial Mecca. I’m pretty sure a six foot alligator roaming the aisles would barely register in your overall Wal-Mart shopping experience. It may actually enhance it depending on how many unsupervised children are on the loose.

First Westford Bears, then Chinese Monkeys, now Florida Herpes Monkeys!!!

Herpes-infected monkeys terrorize Florida

(What’s up bitches?)

Beware of the monkeys!  Hundreds of rare wild monkeys — some carrying herpes — are on the loose in Florida after a tour guide brought the spunky critters to the state long ago.  Wildlife officials said that three pairs of Rhesus monkeys were transported to a park near Ocala in the 1930s by tour operator Colonel Tooey after a “Tarzan” flick sparked a fascination with the creature.  But the breed has since boomed and more than 1,000 of the monkeys now live in the state, wildlife officials say.  State officials have caught more than 700 of the monkeys in the past decade — most of which tested positive for the herpes-B virus.  Wildlife officials now consider the monkeys a public health hazard.

Woah, woah, woah.  Pump the brakes there Hoss.  Just because wild Monkeys are running around in packs and have herpes terrorizing people does not make them a public health hazard.  Why do people always rush to conclusions!?!?!  Full article here.