Back Off in #Haiku. 11/6/14.



Martha Coakley lost.
Guess we won’t see her again.
I’m okay with that.

Light up all the stacks.
Make this city look awesome.
Only trees we need.

Bill’rica Circle.
We could have fixed that by now.
Dumb voters said ‘no.’

Bring Your Kid to Work.
But leave him home when you get fired.
Moulton should know that.

Chelmsford school issues.
Committee learns to budget.
A little late now.

Dracut trash pick-up.
Now fully automated.
Chelmsford should get that.

Sound Off

Three-week quarantine.
Not what CDC wanted.
Maine nurse should be free.

Political signs.
You can take that shit down now.
Try to recycle.

Just stay positive.
No point in whining ’bout stuff.
Won’t help you at all.

Hard to find the booth.
No signs for new polling spots.
Salem hates old folks.

Texting and driving.
I hate when people do that.
Same with run red lights.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/25/14.



Enough with the jokes.
Ebola is serious.
Contagious laughter.

Third parties still count.
Press should cover ev’ryone.
Not debatable.

Dave Gagliardi.
Plus Curran and Donnelly.
Got Boston Road fixed.

Olga Roche pension.
Only Dems would let that slide.
Retire debacles.

All Dems must be fired.
Contagious incompetence.

Sound Off

Illegals voting.
Coakley said she’s cool with that.
Take her off ballots.

Bottle bill too weak.
Thousand-dollar litter fines.
Let’s be like Europe.

Debates with Dems.
They deny they’re Socialists.
Lieing to voters.

Baseball takes too long.
Football is too violent.
Changes will be made.

Gambling observer.
That guy could see ev’rything.
Looked into their hearts.

Gambling observer.
Please save us from Ebola.
Your country needs you.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/22/14.


[Please note: the above image does not contain a translation from either paper. I thought for sure I’d be able to use it, but all of the callers have disappointed me. It is however a translation of something Scott Brown said.]


Taxpayers boycott.
No more money for Chelmsford.
We want Arty T.

Don’t elect judges.
Just makes more politicians.
Species unwanted.

Ground war on ISIS
The only way to win there.
Nip it in the bud.

Mayor Elliot.
Insisting we need more cops.
Too many details.

Sound Off

Rep. DiZoglio.
Crying about attack ads.
PACs unconnected.

Trampling Timberland school board.
Nancy needs to go.

Money devalued.
Inflation only growing.
Cancels gas price drops.

Right wing campaign ads.
Need to mention illegals.
Bunch of other shit.

Ebola panic.
Bush spent tons of dough on war.
Not much on borders.

No carpetbagger.
Brown is a multistate man.
Just like you and me.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/20/14.



Meter ripped me off.
Overcharged and gave short change.
Drive further to walk.

Fox News simplistic.
Ev’rything is black and white.
And they don’t like black.

Gas prices get votes.
Then they friggin skyrocket.
Ballots aren’t coupons.

Endorsements ain’t shit.
I don’t care who your friends are.
That’s not why I vote.

Mayor Elliot.
Represents Lowell proudly.
Pelham’s fav’rite son.

Sound Off

Suck it up Plaistow.
Without Haverhill you’re nothing.
Strip mall cork sniffers.

Ebola spreading.
Obamacare cover that?
[pretty sure it does]

Ebola invades.
I’m moving to an island.
No diseases there.

Spanish teacher’s pay:
Fifty thousand annual.
Should just use Google.

Hired his wife to teach Spanish.
Not really needed.

Transgender taxes.
Illegals taking my guns.
November come soon.

All vote party line.
No matter what the issue.
Piddling on our rights.

“One Percent” ain’t thieves.
They work harder than you do.
You lazy bastards.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/16/14.


[I understand sometimes it can be hard to catch when I’m making fun of something and when the original post actually says something better than I can with just seventeen syllables. I think this might be one of those days where you’ll want to check the source materials, Backtalk in the Lowell Sun and Sound Off in the Lawrence Eagle Tribune. Normally though I sum things up pretty well. Enjoy.]


Obama takes guns.
Gives us Ebola instead.
Tinfoil hat unstrapped.

Baker likes sick time.
But not for small businesses.
Sneeze in my omelette.

Too many detours.
Ten minutes added to commute.
Someone’s gonna pay.

Murphy’s replacement.
18th Middlesex District.
Needs to malleable.

Corey Belanger.
Got us 17 million.
Now fix the damn bridge.

Sound Off

Learn to speak Spanish.
Or stay out of bodegas.
eso tan difĂ­cil?

Plaistow train station.
We voted no already.
Keep the Massholes out.

Malone did her job.
Superintendents get bucks.
Don’t need accolades.

Birth control costs.
WalMart and Hobby Lobby.
Better than you think.

The right hates workers.
They’ll never help you at all.
Stop voting for them.

Gen’ral Lafayette.
Gave us freedom from England.
Keep his statue clean.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/9/14.



Texas phone scammers.
Saying desktop infected.
Just letting you know.

Water bottle bill.
Not just a one-time increase.
Gives state too much strength.

Boston Globe is gay.
Ev’ry story is pro-gay.
Enough with the gays.

Temporary Bridge.
Why is that the focus now?
Waiting was not done.

Gas prices shrinking.
Just so they can tax it more.
Old folks will suffer.

Mass. war on women?
It’s a democratic state.
Dems started that war.

Uninformed voters.
Finally leaving their beds.
Prayers are answered.

Sound Off

Ebola blame game.
Look towards open borders.
That’s where the blame lies.

High school running team.
Trampling our poor elderly.
Get off the sidewalk!

Steenson spends tax dough.
To fix problems she started.
Cheaper to step down.

Lawrence road repairs.
Needed by the track crossings.
Same with Andover.

Lawrence for Baker.
Republicans love this town.
Coakley did nothing.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/6/14.


Sound Off

900 chickens.
Those four kids should be locked up.
Bring back Alcatraz.

Call things what they are.
Illegals and terrorists.
Whitewashing should stop.

Rep. Marcos Devers.
Handing out five-dollar bills.
Cheapskate vote-buyer.

College was here first.
Homeowners are just NIMBY’s.
Grown ups would be nice.

Dem celebrities.
Coming to support Coakley.
Her chances will sink.

We’re leaving Bradford.
Due to the new treatment plant.
Haverhill just plain stinks.

Secure the border.
Viruses keep coming in.
No more Africans.


Anti-business Warren.
Ignores high energy rates.
Just do anything.

Spinner’s boss Weber.
Really should just stop crying.
City supports you.

Secure the border.
Stop Ebola, AIDS, and lice.
Obama don’t care.

Warren found work here.
Brown’s a real carpetbagger.
Goes where votes might be.