When people are stabbing each other for meatballs, it means we need more meatballs.

Baltimore Sun

A dispute between two employees of a Fallston business over a meatball during lunch Thursday led to a stabbing, the Harford County Sheriff’s Office said.

Deputies were called around 11:10 a.m. to the business in the 2300 block of Belair Road, where they learned there had been an argument over one employee eating the other’s meatball from his lunch, Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Cristie Kahler said.

A fight ensued and the employee who had eaten the meatball was stabbed in the arm by the employee whose lunch he had taken the meatball from, Kahler said.

The victim, a 36-year-old Aberdeen man, was taken to a local hospital and later discharged.

The assailant, a 31-year-old Edgewood man, fled the scene.

An arrest warrant has been issued but the man had not been served as of Tuesday afternoon, Kahler said.

To be honest, this story is less a story about poor behavior among two colleagues in the work place and more of a story on society’s current relationship with the meatball.  Back in the day, it was nothing but “Spaghetti and Meatball this” and “Meatball that”…Americans dinner tables were just lousy with meatballs.  It was all about meatballs.  People even started being defined by their meatballs…how big, how rotund, how soft, and how juicy:

“Have you heard from Bill at all lately?”

“Which Bill?  Bill with the meatballs that are so big that they make him walk funny? Or Bill down the street who lost one of his meatballs when he was hopping a chain link fence running from the Cops in high school?” 

Now, it’s a totally different story.  I have north of 450 contacts in my phone and I’m fairly certain not one of them knows how to roll a meatball.  Meatballs are so scarce that some of us have no qualms about stabbing coworkers just to get a little nibble.  We need more Meatballs!  Go ahead moms everywhere; keep rolling out that cute meatless veggie red sauce bullshit on spaghetti night.  It’s only a matter of time before your kid is pawning your wedding bands to get their next meatball fix.  We’re seeing it all too often these days.  If you don’t want little Suzie hanging out behind the bowling alley in a year or two, “creatively” generating cash for meatballs, then it’s time to start rolling that meat!

Looks like a rebuilding year for Lowell


Lawstreet Media

Not sure if this is the USA Today or the Coaches Poll, but I can’t remember the last time Lowell wasn’t in the top 15. Not a good look for a program as esteemed as ours. We looked great on paper starting the year…Heroin prices at an all-time low, more kids in TRG getting drivers licenses, Centralville…. Somebody needs to get fired. The boosters aren’t happy.

It should also be noted that that if you’ve recently misplaced your Ford Focus or Dead Hooker, those number are not included above.

How cute is Salisbury…pretending they have laws.

Wait, are you trying to tell me that a newspaper clipping taped to my windshield in lieu of an actual inspection sticker is not going to fly in that quaint little hamlet known as Salisbury? Is this some weird end-of-February/leap year type rule? Because the Salisbury I know doesn’t have any rules. The Salisbury PD I know would have tracked this guy down, and instead of arresting him, would have gathered in the parking lot of Tens to roast and ridicule him for actually making them pretend that laws exist.

It’s Girl Scout cookie season… keep your head on a swivel (YouTube Gold)

Very rude indeed.  It’s not all samoas, thin mints, and smiles during cookie season.  Let this be a lesson to girl scouts in the valley.  Make sure you keep your cookie money jar away from cookie monsters. 

This just in: Russians are still zany.

Vincent Van Gogh

Everyone knows that too much drinking can cause Christmas parties to go wrong. But few can have imagined the bloody outcome of a recent festive drinking binge in Siberia.

Police in the remote region said on Friday that they are struggling to work out whether self mutilation constitutes a crime after two men cut their own ears off in an arm wrestling match.


How much vodka would you need to cut your own ear off?  A whole bottle?  Two?  I mean OK guy has a gun to my wifes head and it’s cut my ear off or she dies where’s the knife?  But to lose a bet and then say “Oh shucks, I lost let me cut my ears off?”  Seriously Russians are freaking zany.  Full story here.

Just Chaz being Chaz.

Everyone needs love. Even Charles Manson.

The 79-year-old convicted killer –  to put it mildly — who will spend the rest of his days inside California’s Corcoran State Prison has apparently found his soul mate while doing time in the big house.

Manson’s bride-to-be is a 25-year-old woman named Star — a single moniker Manson apparently bestowed upon her — who moved next to the prison six years ago to be closer to her beau. Star runs a website that calls for Manson’s release.

The love affair, detailed in a Rolling Stone magazine that hits newsstands Friday, paints a surreal portrait of a young woman swooned by one of America’s most infamous cult leaders.

Star recently carved an X into her forehead to match Manson’s famous engrave.

Full article here from the SFGate.  But seriously I guess there is someone for everyone right?  I mean even Hitler had a girlfriend and a dog.  Why stop at carving an X in your forehead why not go the full mile and do a matching swastika like hubby?  What kind of crazy chick marries a guy 54 years older than her and one she can’t even live with?  One that’s nuttier then squirrel turd would be my answer.

A little good news on your Monday…..

EDMONTON — A pit bull is being hailed as a hero after authorities said the dog saved a woman from being attacked by a machete.  CTVNews reported that three men and a teenager broke into the woman’s home in Edmonton, Canada last week and tried attacking her. 

 Full story here. But it gets better fo young Mercey the hero dog as after the efforts of her owner and the police they were still $1K short.  So some anonymous person came to the vet and gave the $1K to cover the difference.  Class act.  Sometimes freaking people do something like this and it restores your faith in the human race just for a little while.

2013 Darwin Award nominees

(What’s left of the safe these two goofs blew up.)

HOPKINTON, N.H. —Two men were killed in an explosion Tuesday in Hopkinton when they used a torch to open a safe full of fireworks, police said.  Police said Lucas Bourke, 21, of Allenstown, and Ethan Keeler, 21, of Epsom, were killed in the explosion in a detached workshop at New Yard Landscaping on Farrington Corner Road in Hopkinton.  Investigators said the men were using an oxy-acetylene cutting torch to try to get into a safe that contained fireworks. That led to the explosion and the men’s deaths, police said.   Investigators said the attempt to cut open the 4-foot-high, concrete-lined safe ignited the fireworks. The safe was blown through the building, landing outside — proof of how powerful the blast was.

You think these two were pre med students?  Shame two people died but let this be a lesson to people, don’t break into people’s houses and businesses.  You never know what kind of trouble YOU might be in for.  Dummies.


OJ Simpson caught Red Handed

I’m not saying OJ Simpson beheaded his ex wife and her boyfriend stole oatmeal cookies, what I am saying is IF OJ Simpson  beheaded his ex wife and her boyfriend stole some cookies he’d shove them up his shirt so he could eat them in his cell later on.

This time, O.J. Simpson was caught red-handed.

The former football star is currently serving a 33-year prison sentence for armed robbery, and he apparently has a pretty big sweet tooth. Simpson was recently caught stealing cookies from the chow line by guards in the Nevada prison, the Daily Mail reports.

Guards reportedly saw Simpson trying to hide something underneath his prison clothes as he walked back to his cell after lunch one day and, after further investigation, found that the former USC standout had a stash of “more than a dozen oatmeal cookies,” which were taken away. A source told the National Enquirer that Simpson didn’t seem contrite about his actions.

“O.J. just stood there with a goofy grin on his face as the guard kept digging inside his shirt and throwing the cookies on the floor,” the source said.

Full article here. 

Freaking OJ.  I love me some oatmeal cookies but really OJ?  A dozen of them?  You fat bastard.