SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 6 (Pick 18)- Frank’s Shanks selects Fred Doyle


With the 16th and final pick, Frank’s Shanks selects Fred Doyle.

Frank: And in the final pick of the 2013 SOFC Fantasy Draft, Frank’s Shanks selects Fred Doyle. The Dark Horse? Maybe. The Dark Knight? Doubtful. The Dark Shadowy figure I see passing by my window each night. Probable.

Freddy, despite the fact that you were the only guy left on the draft board, I have faith. As I have illogically explained for each of my draft picks, you all have a role to play on Frank’s Shanks….we’ll just need to sort yours out…in a very public location….with lots of people…during the day.

In all seriousness, if Freddy gets elected next week, two things will occur:

1. I will certainly win this 2013 Fantasy draft and
2. I am treating Fred to a new hat with the “prize money”

See you in the parking lot Freddy!

Ned’s Take: believe it or not, I think Freddy IS going to jump over Geneveive on Tuesday for 23 points. I can feel it down in my plums. And when you’re getting feelings about Fred Doyle in your Plums, that means it’s time to wrap up this little exercise.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 6 (Pick 17)- Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Joe Mendonca


For the 17th overall pick, Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Joe Mendonca.

Mark: Last round another incumbent for Uncle Joey. Seriously I’m starting to write my victory post over the weekend. Put it on the board. Joe Mendonca has a bit of an uphill climb to get back into the top nine. Some think it has to do with his love of livestock. I can’t say I disagree. I side with CC Mendonca on the matter though. But people who don’t like Chickens or their heads aren’t likely to vote for Joe to return to the council chambers for another term. He’s got one of my votes, that’s for certain. I feel like I want a grilled chicken salad now.

Ned’s Take: This would be a fantastic pick if all the illegally kept back-yard hens could actually vote.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 6 (Pick 16)- The Tower News Taliban selects John Leahy


With the 16th overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects John Leahy.

Tobes: According to Yahoo’s Lowell City Council fantasy site, this Leahy guy is apparently an incumbent. News to me. I’ve never hear of him, and couldn’t pick him out of a police line-up (snitches get stitches). But when faced with the possibility of a Doyle or Mendonca serving as our anchor, I had to come up with some sort of alternative logic to make this pick work. I went with name association.
When I hear the name Leahy, I can only think of one man, Jim Lahey, the Supervisor of Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Lahey is renowned for being tough on drugs, tough on crime, and harbors a general disdain for kids throwing bottles. Hello? What could we use a little less of on Lowell? How about drugs, crime, and kids that throw bottles…or the shithawks.
At that, welcome aboard the Taliban, John Leahy…

Ned’s Take: Trailer Park Boys? Are you serious? Two bubble boys for Tobes’ last two picks and he’s all but assured dead last if either falls out of the top 9.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 5 (Pick 15)- The Tower News Taliban selects Marty Lorrey


With the 15th overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Marty Lorrey.

Tobes: Who’s sharing a locker next to Van Pecs? That would be Marty Lorrey obviously. Why? Because nobody has knocked on more doors this election season than Marty Lorrey. He’s been to my house a minimum, fourteen times. I actually set aside an aero-bed just in case he needs to wait out a storm. And he’s got a great pitch to boot…a door to door savant. Does that mean he’s a lock for the Top 9? Not at all. But when my team members need coordinates on who’s getting weed deliveries, sports illustrateds, and Pea Pod (does anyone Pea Pod in Lowell?)…he’ll be able to point us in the right direction.

Ned’s Take: Fred Doyle is still on the board and Tobes opts for the danger and uncertainty of the 9th seed. Wow. City Council fantasy drafts are often won and lost in the last round. Calories burnt don’t count as votes. That said, I could totally go for a little weed and a bag of Cape Cod Chips right now…

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 5 (Pick 14)- Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Ed Kennedy


With the 14th pick, Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects, Ed Kennedy.

Mark: I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, since most of our readership was merely a twinkle in their parents eye, but Ed Kennedy was once a city councilor in Lowell. Back when the AMC Gremlin was prowling the acre, bell bottom pants were all the rage, and according to Dennis Leary, people didn’t really do meth “but they sure loved them some quaaludes.” I wasn’t really around back then so I can’t really say one way or the other what kind of city councilor Ed Kennedy made…but that doesn’t matter because he never shuts up about it.

While Frank and his Shanks sit around drinking Tom Collins’ and talking about Yaz’s rookie year, Me and the “yoots” are going to be over here playing the Ed Kennedy drinking game.

– If he mentions the 70’s you drink.
– Prior experience? Drink.
– What it was like to wear a leisure suit downtown on a Friday night- finish that drink.

It’s the next to the last round and I just bagged another incumbent for Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread. The repeat championship is going to feel so good come next Wednesday.

Ned’s Take: If I were alive in the 70’s, I wouldn’t shut up about it either. Pre-Aids, Mid-coke…ahhhh, what a time to party.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 5 (Pick 13)- Frank’s Shanks selects EriK Gitschier


With13th overall pick, Frank’s Shanks selectsErik Gitschier

Frank: I think Erik Gitschier is an absolute steal in this late round of the SOFC draft. A steal. 2 primary (bad pun as EG did not fair well in the primary election) reasons why the Shanks like Erik.

#1 Cleanliness. They say ‘cleanliness is next to Godliness’. I don’t’ know what that means. But, like the ancient Chinese proverb says, ‘Clean streets, Vote for Erik’. And while we are on the subject of cleanliness, I think Gitch is going to surprise the Vegas Fantasy Draft lines as well as this City by cleaning the clocks of many of his opponents in the voting booths come Tuesday. You heard it here.

#2 The Brothers Gitschier. While I only know Erik in a casual manner, I do know his younger, shall I say, more outspoken brothers. Like Morgan Earp stated to brother Wyatt, “you gotta back your brother’s play”. Sure the Earps were talking life and death, but hey, this is Lowell. This factor alone would make me want to cast a Vote for Gitschier. Trust me. After the primary, the ‘OGs’ (Other Gitschiers) made their discontent known. I found this video taken behind the Daley School the day after the September primary. This was a warning sign from the OGs to these kids parents – come November, best Vote Gitschier.

DRAFT UPDATE: new motto for Frank’s Shanks: We’re coming, and we’re bringing hell with us.

Ned’s Take: Gotta love Frank Shank’s. They’re all about four times the legal limit, entertaining one another with Lombardi-like halftime speeches. Believe it or not it got more rowdy when Samaras showed up. If Gitch can wrangle this crew, I think we can buy stock in his mission for safer streets.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 4 (Pick 12)- Frank’s Shanks selects Bill Samaras


With the twelfth overall pick, Frank’s Shanks selects Bill Samaras.

Truth be told I was very hesitant to make this pick. Afraid Bill could mess up our team chemistry? But the more I thought about it, it is exactly what this developing team needs; balance. So far, with Rourke/Martin/Belanger in the Shank Bank, we have an aggressive, fun loving group. But, instincts tell me that this squadron could easily find themselves violating team policies all over the place (read: Major’s Pub). Add a Bill Samaras to the line up and those violation are down by 50%; minimum. Why? Facts don’t lie. Samaras is the village elder in this lot of 18 candidates. What has he dedicated his professional life to? Education, discipline, order and leadership. Might be just what this blossoming crew of men will need to stay on the path to glory? That said, never really liked Bill. He was the LHS Headmaster during my tenure on Father Morrisette Blvd and always resembled a curmudgeonly, old school master….well, cause he was. But need to set personal feelings aside and make sound draft decisions; I like his chances in the election and his place on the Shanks.

Ned’s Take: Interesting pick, Interesting theory. The man who watched over the heard of maniacs on Morrisette Blvd is going to somehow reign this outfit in? I say Samaras was less a Headmaster and more a Ringmaster. This scene either gets slightly better or infinitely worse.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 4 (Pick 11)- Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects James Milanazzo


With the eleventh overall pick, Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Jim Milanazzo

Mark: Don’t call it a comeback indeed, LL. It was only two years ago, that an ousted Sitting Mayor, was seen sulking his way out of the Blue Shamrock, dropping the Heisman treatment on inquisitive Lowell Sun reporters.

But much like the Sox went from worst to first, Jim Millinazzo is on the cusp of returning to former glory of yesteryear. Ribbon cuttings at downtown dna processing clinics, hanging at the sponsors tent at Winter Fest, being a guest of honor at the Southie Asian water festival. All of this is close enough for Jim Millinazzo to smell it. I love this pick, this late in the draft. He finished 6th overall in the preliminary election and looks to be safe for a top nine finish. This is a value pick all the way and I’m looking to be a two time champion.

Ned’s Take: Mark’s surprised Jim Milanazzo is still on the board? Probably because he’s been throwing darts at the Doyle’s through the first four rounds. He’s lucky Milzie is still on the board. That may have saved his draft.
PS. Jim Milanazzo’s buddies have to call him Milzie, right?

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 4 (Pick 10)- The Tower News Taliban selects Van Pech.

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With the 10 overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Van Pech.

Tobes: You see him as Van Pech. I see him as Van “Pecs.” He’s not just a candidate for counsel, he’s a global brand. He’s Prestige Worldwide…without the “prestige”. He won’t ask for your votes, his agent will demand them.
I probably don’t need the fantasy value at this point, this pick is about making life a little easier for the TNT marketing department. Van PECH!…Pech…pech…pech…pech…

Ned’s Take: Boats and Ho’s…Let’s see Rita pull off Boats and Ho’s.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 3 (Pick 9)- The Tower News Taliban selects Stacy Hargis.


With the 9th overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Stacy Hargis.

Tobes: So at this point, Mark is throwing darts and Frank is obviously cocked and all-in on Halloween. Should we just go ahead and engrave the trophy now? How does Hargis fall to me at 9? She’s intelligent, well spoken, and clear in her mission…which in Lowell is worth enough votes to get you 15th place…aka 15 points for the TNT. “That’s Lowell in a nutshell.” Meanwhile we’ll keep sending Rita back to city hall because she’ll bury garbage men at the summit of Drum Hill if they forget to pick up your recycling bin….but it pretty much ends there. Here’s hoping she finds a way to join DMitch’s peloton on it’s way to a triumphant Tuesday.
At the very least, it will be nice to have her in the lockeroom as someone Rodney can bounce his Women’s Rights ideas off of.

Ned’s take: But Rita raps, Tobes! Seriously, is Rap’n Rita the most overrated occurance in Lowell Political history? Probably the worst freestyle I’ve ever heard. No rhythm, poetry, shit talk’n. Terrible. Even Kobe Bryant thought it sucked. Yet for some reason, it was a sexual experience for the Lowell Sun news room. They almost collectively brought down Tout for an hour.