Back Off in #Haiku. 1/12-1/17/15.

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Backtalk: 1/12/2015

Electric increase.
Hundred bucks at Christmas time.
I’m not using much.

Chelmsford don’t plow.
Lowell does a better job.
That’s saying something.

Bills in magazines.
While does the mailman do that?
I don’t read those mags.

Varnum Avenue.
I don’t care if it’s winter.
I want that paved now.

Peter Lucas fan.
Read that column ev’ry day.
Chain him to his desk.

Rita O’Brien.
Going for nomination.
Hoping she gets it.

Sound Off Jan 12

NIMBY’s cry too much.
Layover station will help you.
Leave Plaistow faster.

Bomb the terrorists.
Paris needs to find homelands.
Kill their families.

Unions can brake bones.
That’s a legal right I think.
They can just hurt you.

Romney lied again.
He said no more Prez campaigns.
Need better pennies.

Backtalk: 1/13/2015

The Prez skipped Paris.
Doesn’t care ’bout terrorists.
Stay off my golf course.

Politicians game.
All just scratching the right back.
No spines in the way.

Open Meeting laws.
Fresh off a violation.
Kind of transparent.

Sound Off Jan 13

Public Access shows.
Just the same ones getting looped.
Haverhill needs drama.

Buy American.
Plenty of goods made local.
Stop being selfish.

Cost of food went up.
That’s just how inflation works.
Don’t blame Artie T.

Lottery tickets.
Buy them at the liquor store.
Sometimes they screw up.

Actual backyard.
This isn’t a NIMBY thing.
Way too literal.

Backtalk: 1/14/2015

Paris needs more guns.
That shit never happens here.
Give or take monthly.

No free diplomas.
Just remove the high interest.
We need that money.

Westford Manager.
Helped me out personally.
Thank-you Jodi Ross.

Big spending problem.
Baker said about the state.
Chelmsford follows suit.

Lowell jaywalkers.
Getting hit like they deserve.
Not the driver’s fault.

Chelmsford history.
Being destroyed ev’ry day.
Shame cries in silence.

Sound Off Jan 14

It’s ‘terrorism.’
Prez called it ‘workplace violence.’
He’d let them go free.

You’re not all heroes.
Bunch of keyboard patriots.
Get over yourselves.

New police station.
Stop whining about taxes.
Get modern safety.

Obama Kool Aid.
Romney refused his paycheck.
That makes him a saint.

Vote no confidence.
Lawrence councilors should grow up.
Old mayor is gone.

Backtalk: 1/15/2015

Trees at Saint Anne’s Church.
Removed for safety concerns.
New saplings in spring.

Parking spaces gone.
Baseball field made in its place.
Don’t have balls to walk.

Double solid lines.
Routinely getting ignored.
Laws need enforcement.

Ain’t no free schoolin’
Barrack Hussein Obama.
Screwin’ us again.

What about people?
You think we want Olympics?
Real Folks don’t want that.

Lot of DINO’s here.
Charlie Baker hired a few.
Deval predicted.

Sound Off Jan 15

Qualified workers.
That’s why the state wants unions.
Good workers earn more.

Three to Mike Brown’s wake.
Nobody went to Paris.
Mixed priorities.

Pipelines have grown old.
Rust wrapped in old asbestos.
Change loosens time’s grip.

Cable rates increase.
Comcast mistakes wealth levels.
Blaming the City.

Romney’s still a dick.
47 percent know.
Prob’ly more than that.

Mitt’s unqualified.
Need more than empty gestures.
Glad he didn’t win.

Blindly voting ‘D’?
Liz Warren scares me to tears.
Hiding ‘neath blankets.

Backtalk: 1/16/2015

Olympic logo.
I want the pretty sailboat.
Boring is ugly.

The Prez skipped Paris.
Had to watch football playoffs.
He’s American.

Lowell High concert.
Kids did a helluva job.
Great talent displayed.

Scooter on Green Street.
It should take up a full spot.
Not a real spot there.

Backtalk: 1/17/2015

Don’t go to Paris.
You’re only gonna get killed.
Don’t blame Obama.

Traffic jam was dumb.
Commuters lives matter too.
Lost my respect there.

No free MCC.
But Cowan’s right if need be:
3.0 required.

Tiano’s statement:
“All things should be transparent.”
Clearly he should go.

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What’up Sister?

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Will the Orange Order be Marching in Southie next year?

Boston.com

The city of Boston is further bolstering its already strong hereditary ties to Ireland by forging an official partnership with the city of Belfast, the Office of Mayor Martin J. Walsh announced Monday morning.

Belfast Lord Mayor Máirtín Ó Muilleoir and Walsh made things official at a breakfast at the Seaport Boston Hotel.

“Together, Boston and Belfast will strive to foster educational exchanges, promote cultural understanding, and stimulate economic development through our new Sister City relationship. We look forward to new beginnings with our ‘sister’ Belfast, as this formal agreement goes far beyond a declaration on ink on paper; it truly speaks to our historic connection, genuine ties, and deeply linked heritage.”

And why wouldn’t Boston be sisters with Belfast?  Both are Port Cities, most of the populations have interchangeable surnames, and both share a delusional affinity for hosting parades that polarize a significant portion of the population.  I’m surprised this agreement didn’t come sooner.  Sure, Whitey arming the Provi’s couldn’t have helped matters, but what’s a sister-sister relationship without a little violent collusion when the other lets their guard down?

Can I Be Frank?: Running is Stupid

With the Marathon approaching I am dusting off this one for your reading pleasure. The subject of the Marathon has become a very touchy subject due to the tragedies of 2013, but let’s try to bring a little levity and some laughs to the whole subject of running.
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March running martial art23, 2012

With The Boston Marathon just around the corner I wanted to offer a comprehensive review of the “sport” of running.

I can sum it up in 3 words: Running is stupid.

Whew. I feel better just writing those words down.

Let me backtrack a little bit. Running, for the purpose of exercise and general health is, I suppose, a positive and productive activity. Of course, running improves your cardio-vascular health, relieves anxiety, and certainly keeps the pounds off. But guess what, I don’t care. Running – just for the sake of running – is stupid.
Think back to when you were a kid. You ran for reasons. You were playing tag. You were running in a race against your friends. You were playing (real) sports. You were running from your Dad because you opened your big, sarcastic mouth one too many times (maybe that was just me?).
But, to run just…’because’. I’m all set.

Well, I can already hear the “BOOs” from all of you running rebels that live and breathe this horrific hobby. Several of my closest friends and family members love running and a few have even completed marathons. My Dad, my cousin, my college roommate to name a few. Listen, good for you guys! Congratulations! WOO HOO! Job well done! Yippie!

Running is stupid.

Which brings me to a more specific aspect of running; marathon running. Are you freaking kidding me? Why on God’s green earth would ANYONE want to run a marathon? Anyone? Bueller? Come on! Forget the actual act of running a marathon. I can almost understand the satisfaction of having thousands of fans cheer for you as you trudge through 26.2 grueling miles. I get that. But, how about the incredible amount of training and preparation that goes into it all? No thanks. Months of work. Millions of miles (maybe not millions, but it’s called alliteration, folks). Hundreds of hours of your time.

Really, people? Sore muscles. Achy joints. Bloody nipples. Odd bowel movements.

Wow, that sounds fantastic…where do I sign up?

OK, bring on the counterpoint, Bill Rogers and Uta Pippig. I’m waiting.

“Running alleviates my stress.”

“I don’t feel right unless I get a run in.”

“If you have never experienced a runner’s high, then you should not give your opinion.”

Too late and here it is: Running is stupid.

Well, I think I have clearly relayed my standpoint on the subject, but I am going to offer you a chance to get back at me. Perhaps there is a more personal reason for out-of-the-blue attack on all of you jogging jackasses?

I started running this week.

Yes, yes…I know. Laugh all you like. Not sure what inspired me to start this week. Possibly because of the 87 pounds of corned beef and cabbage and 105 pints Guinness I have ingested over the past few weeks. Could be that I have been lacking any exercise program in my life for a while. Entirely feasible that I was feeling guilty that my wife has recently decided to taking up jogging with the rest of you imbosiles. Could be all of the above? Doesn’t really matter, but I woke up earlier this week and took to the street.

Mrs. C.I.B.F. leaves for work at 6:00AM and, with a busy day ahead; I knew I should just get this out of the way early. So, at 5:32, I laced up the Asics and hit the road.

I began my first jog in a very long time at a slow and steady pace. I am not looking to break any records. I have no goal or end game in mind. I am simply out here to feel a little better about my health and possibly drop my blood pressure down to a normal range. What I soon learned was that it would not be the actual act of running that would cause me issue; but rather…panic.

As I made my first turn down a side street I realized how damn dark it is at that time of day strictly reserved for the newspaper kid and insomniacs. Suddenly, I felt an overcoming sense of fear. A dog (90% positive it was Cujo) barked from its yard and I nearly jumped up a tree like a Tom & Jerry episode. I smelled something? Oh God, it’s a skunk. Where is it? Christ, he is going to spray me right in the face! Who‘s that coming at me? Crap! I bet it’s a serial kill….nope; it’s another one of you stupid joggers.

“Hey man” I huffed at him like a 80 year old, chain-smoking asthmatic as I am trying to play the role of neighborhood Kenyon. I was completely thrown off my game. All of these distractions and empty fears were actually adding stress to this supposed stress-reducing activity. My pulse was not racing from the intense aerobic workout. It was because clearly there was a madman (or a blood thirsty, rabid animal) tracking me through the neighborhood. A Boogey Man (quite possibly Boogey Men?) was surely on my tail. That I know for a certainty.

Before I knew it, I was actually sprinting – not jogging – in one direction; back towards home. I am not going to risk my life over this silly pastime. I will not be maimed by some psycho or wildebeest for the love of this game. Just not worth it. I have a family to think about for crying out loud.

And there ends another chapter of my storied athletic career. Sneakers are retired. Wind pants are doing just that; blowing in the wind. I am hitting the proverbial showers for good.

Running is stupid.

Best of luck to all you marathoners!

Tough Day in Boston yesterday.

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I watched that fire yesterday from my office, excited about the birdseye view and the welcomed distraction from the grind. That wouldn’t have been the case had I known the level of tragedy that was occurring.
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I hope everyone takes a moment to reflect on the sacrifice that occurred yesterday, and if you really want to honor the fallen, tell the story of their heroism to your children…and tell them the story in a way that Disney would tell the story. That honor will be far more lasting than a post on your Facebook timeline.

Can I Be Frank?: St. Patrick’s Day! (AKA Amatuer Day)

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Bostinno.com – March 17, 2014 – How Many People Were Arrested at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade?

The number of people arrested by the Boston Police Department during Sunday’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade could be counted on one hand.

According to a BPD report released Sunday evening, five people were arrested at the St.Patrick’s Day Parade. Two were arrested for disorderly conduct. Three were arrested for boozing in public, and one had to be taken into protective custody.

In total, however, police issued 293 citations.

The majority of the people who attended the parade, dressed head-to-toe in green, the BPD said, “did so in a fun and safe manner.”

BostInno won’t take credit for keeping yesterday’s arrest numbers down. All we did was provide some tips on how to not get arrested. Whether or not that helped doesn’t really matter. The bottom line is: The 2014 St. Patrick’s Day Parade was safer than last year’s.

In 2013, more than 330 people were issued citations and 26 were arrested for disorderly conduct at the parade. Yesterday, only five people were arrested.

Way to rage responsibly, Boston.

First of all, Happy St. Patricks’ Day!  As a very proud Irishman, I love this day like the other 96% of the state of that claims Irish descent.  That said, it is a little discomforting that this is the type of news that hits the wire on the most important day of the year when we celebrate The Old Sod.  Nobody loves to tip a few pints back, especially on the glorious Paddy’s Day, as much as me but let’s face it, folks, today should be called ‘Amatuer Day’.  Like St. Patrick’s Day’s illegitimate children, New Year’s Eve and Pre-Thanksgiving Wednesday, today’s happenings always kinda piss me off and here are a few reasons why…

1.  Crowds

Irish bars and pubs, especially in these parts, are the proverbial Blarney Stones.  They are great; at least for 364 days/year.  BUT, today, it is a total shite-show.  Drinking a poorly poured pint out of a plastic cup while crammed in the corner between “Meaghan the Lonely Obnoxious Power Boozer’ and “Juan, Ireland’s First Mexican” is just not that fun to me.  If you can’t pull up a stool and allowed enough room for you and the Holy Spirit, move on.  Better off trying your luck at Polish American Club on St. Paddy’s.

2. Irish for a Day

Look, I am not being a snob (well, maybe a little) this is a America after all and if people want to celebrate, Irish or not, that is their Constitutional right.  That does not mean I have to like it.  Sure, join in the spirit.  Toast a Guinness.  Sip a whiskey.  Go for it.  But, if this is your first attempt at imbibing some of these Irish classics…tread lightly.  I’ll take the same advice on Cinco de Mayo when the Patron is being passed around.

3. Junior Varsity Day

Like many of the inexperienced or overzealous drinking patrons on St. Patrick’s Day, the bartenders and wait staff do not have their A-game on this day.  Due to the massive crowds of raucous revelers, the staff at your favorite Irish watering hole are forced to put out a less the top-notch product.  The pints are often puny.  The corned beef resembles the output of a shoe leather plant on strike.  The cabbage is, well, cabbage is gross on it’s best day…but actually worse during Paddys.  As Robin Williams told Matt Damon, ‘It’s not your fault“, but that doesn’t make it any better.  Again, Wayne Kowalski, the day bartender at the Polish Club, may be the best bet for your drinking needs today.

4.  Embarrassment

Pretty sure SAINT Patrick would not be overly psyched to read the above story on the arrests that went down at, ya know, a feckin’ PARADE!  Don’t really see these types of headlines after Greek Independence Day, do you?  Rarely is there a Rosh Hashanah riot?   Drunken disorderly during Ramadan?  I don’t think so.  But it’s par for the course for those sons and daughters of the Emerald Isle.  Stop it.

Alright, enough negativity from me.  Enjoy St. Patrick’s Day – but trust me, its more fun to be Irish the other 51 weeks each year.  Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to get totally annihilated on watered down whiskey and pick a fight with some Polacks.

Slainte!

You can listen to last Friday’s ‘F n K Show’ where we discussed all things Irish on 980 WCAP.