Back Off in #Haiku. 12/8-13/2014


[Please note: sometimes I write original haiku, no angry people required. These haiku are of about the same quality though so… you know… no big awards yet. Here’s a few examples.

We are all giants.
On Little People Island.
Except the midgets.

Don’t call me “grampa.”
I never had any kids.
Blood tests all proved it.

Moshpit clears sight lines.
I can see the singer now.
Short people in the back.]

Backtalk 12/8/14

Conflict of int’rest.
Not relevant to Chelmsford.
Nick D hired his wife.

Won’t vote for Dems now.
They just give money away.
I’m am not a troll.

Commodore Ballroom.
Kids today don’t have spots to meet.
Need a place like that.

Christmas tree smokestack.
That always makes me happy.
Stare at it all night.

Selective outrage.
White kid in Salt Lake got shot.
Officer was black.

Officials greedy.
Seventy thou with raise due.
Overpaid at half.

Cosby accusers.
Should be ashamed of themselves.
Money is the goal.

Sound Off 12/8/14

U.S. in second.
Not ‘cuz we buy Chinese shit.
It’s Obama’s fault.

Our founding fathers.
All spinning in their coffins.
Constitution killed.

Liberals own press.
That’s why the gov is corrupt.
Lamestream media.

Prez ignores Congress.
Picks and chooses his own laws.
Empowers the hate.

Those damn protesters.
Nothing but raging hatred.
What The Prez wanted.

Flunk the President.
Give this guy a passing grade?
Hands up in defeat.

Dems just buying votes.
Government spends way too much.
Right wing has no say.

Fifty years of Dems.
That’s why we’re in the shitter.
Scaring wealth away.

Corporations leave.
Take jobs to other countries.
Damn your labor laws.

Three thousand folks quit.
Just moved out of the country.
Because Dems robbed them.

Gives people the strength to speak.
Just like alcohol.

Like a closet for loud folks.
But we know your voice.

Plowers all greedy.
Don’t deserve a raise at all.
Kiss my frozen ass.

Handicap spaces.
Dollar Tree only has two.
Too many old folks.

Backtalk: 12/9/2014

Put stuff up for vote.
Taxpayers micromanage.
The way it should be.

Misplaced compassion.
Lots of people have been shot.
Not all of them thugs.

Al Sharpton racist.
A poisonous ministry.
The Prez ain’t helping.

Protesters killed stores.
They should pass the hat for them.
Livelihoods ruined.

Chelmsford school system.
Don’t know if they’re too inept.
Or just arrogant.

Pedestrians struck.
Prob’ly ’cause of how they dress.
They’re looking for it.

Sound Off Dec 9

Graffiti is art.
As long as there’s quality.
Any schmuck can tag.

Raise the minimum.
Republicans should do that.
Get credit for it.

Don’t use debit cards.
Hackers will ruin your life.
No safeguards in place.

Getting kids I.D.’d?
What kind of event is this?
That’s not my Christmas.

Chill Fest is dieing.
Name change is just the last straw.
Coldness killed Christmas.

Rich folks are brilliant.
The Larry Birds of money.
You’re just not that good.

Rich older people.
Money just going to waste.
We should tax them more.

Iranian jets.
Vietnam-era F-4’s.
Where do they get parts?

Iranian jets.
Engines are made by GE.
Friends of Obama.

Backtalk: 12/10/2014

Principal was mean.
Shouldn’t yell at the parents.
Even if they suck.

I slipped on the ice.
Group of people helped me up.
Lowell ain’t all bad.

Chelmsford school issues.
Two-year report almost due.
Losing library.

Assistant DA’s.
Lowest paid courtroom workers.
Clearly deserve more.

DeSilvio quote:
“They’re talking out of their ass.”
Vote that bastard out.

Mr. Tiano.
Confused about the uproar.
He needs to go too.

Sound Off Dec 10,

My soul is ashamed.
Seven Lawrence councilors.
Sitting with Mayor.

Mayor Lantigua.
Purged good workers for their ties.
This be not justice.

Lawrence is tiny.
Covers less than eight square miles.
We are a small town.

Residency hurts.
Not a realistic demand.
Smart folks don’t live here.

Coal mines closing up.
Miners will survive longer.
They’ll be carnies now.

“Coal mining just sucks.
No future in it at all.”
– Lib’ral Arts major.

Fought against Seabrook.
Fighting against the pipeline.
Nothing but NIMBY.

Purchase a SnowBrum.
Won’t damage your car’s paint job.
Ice chunks hurt drivers.

Gas will rise again.
That’s what Obama will do.
It’s what he ran on.

Backtalk: 12/11/2014

You call that torture?
They’re cutting our throats open.
We just give them baths.

Middlesex College.
New President approved quickly.
Suspicious minds nod.

Minimum must go.
It’s unfair to billionaires.
Don’t make them angry.

Can’t find Christmas cards.
ACLU burned then all.
Have to write notes now.

Won’t fight injustice.
But I’ll protest school budgets.
Looting the lunchroom.

Kill the country club.
Use that to fund the high school.
Students aren’t golfing.

Sound Off Dec 11

Slippery sidewalks.
All schools should have been delayed.
Children are fragile.

“Don’t talk of torture.
That just makes us all look bad.”
-Commander Cosby.

Rich aren’t investing.
That’s why there aren’t better jobs.
Tax them till it helps.

Invest in workers.
Don’t move jobs to Asian hell holes.
Treasonous bastards.

One-percent pay gap.
400,000 ain’t much.
But they made the cut.

One third of taxes.
How much the one-percent pays.
Seems unfair to them.

Close the Sandown School.
Responsible thing to do.
Money gets tighter.

Backtalk: 12/12/2014

Bikelanes don’t get used.
Bikes are all on the sidewalk.
Waste of resources.

Business manager.
Still being paid to stay home?
Cash needed elsewhere.

Too much heroin.
Cities aren’t doing enough.
Lock up all dealers.

Served in Vietnam.
Spat on by hippies after.
Flunk the protesters.

K-Murph’s idea.
Menorahs up at Christmas.
Let’s give him credit.

Sound Off Dec 12

Chillfest got cold rain.
God was mad about name change.
Blinded by the smite.

Filmmaker in jail.
For vid that pissed off Muslims.
Senators go free.

Pricey consultant.
School board can’t cover that cost.
Other expenses.

Population increase.
Jobs never kept up with it.
Good ones got shipped out.

Protesting students.
Finals shouldn’t be delayed.
Students aren’t learning.

Backtalk: 12/13/2014

A simple delay.
Enough time to let ice melt.
All we were asking.

Protesters skipped class.
Would have done more good in school.
Protests are useless.

UML busses.
Hiding out away from school.
And they’re all empty.

Homeless veterans.
That’s who we should be housing.
Not some illegals.

Billerica crime up.
Be sure to lock up your house.
Or just stay in it.

Sound Off Dec 13

Gramps was a miner.
No shame in a hard day’s work.
This gen don’t get that.

China uses coal.
They understand how things work.
Eco-cars use coal.

Might come for torture reports.
That’d be Cheney’s fault.

North Andover High.
Principal suspended coach.
Don’t mess with our sports.

Back Off in #Haiku. 11/6/14.



Martha Coakley lost.
Guess we won’t see her again.
I’m okay with that.

Light up all the stacks.
Make this city look awesome.
Only trees we need.

Bill’rica Circle.
We could have fixed that by now.
Dumb voters said ‘no.’

Bring Your Kid to Work.
But leave him home when you get fired.
Moulton should know that.

Chelmsford school issues.
Committee learns to budget.
A little late now.

Dracut trash pick-up.
Now fully automated.
Chelmsford should get that.

Sound Off

Three-week quarantine.
Not what CDC wanted.
Maine nurse should be free.

Political signs.
You can take that shit down now.
Try to recycle.

Just stay positive.
No point in whining ’bout stuff.
Won’t help you at all.

Hard to find the booth.
No signs for new polling spots.
Salem hates old folks.

Texting and driving.
I hate when people do that.
Same with run red lights.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/14/14.



School Committee Board.
Stepping stone for bigger things.
The water is high.

Decay takes a while.
Old buildings crumble slowly.
Surprising no one.

Professional sports.
Quickly growing more corrupt.
Ad revenue score.

Workforce not doubled.
Hannaford just gave more hours.
Long days died quickly.

Expensive planning.
No crosswalks are included.
Knowledge overruled.

Pollies don’t make jobs.
But promise them frequently.
The debt still remains.

Sidewalk is clean now.
My dogs appreciate this.
Small dogs lost in weeds.

Prez visits students.
Never visits veterans.
All Presidents do.

Eight dewey’s before the age of 50 is about as prolific as it gets.

Lowell Sun

LOWELL — A 47-year-old city man is facing his eighth drunken driving charge after Dracut police arrested him Saturday night after he nearly crashed into a Dracut police cruiser.

Daniel G. Silva, of 8 Riverby St., will be arraigned Monday in Lowell District Court on charges of operating under the influence of alcohol — fifth or subsequent offense, speeding, marked lanes violation, failure to stop for police, uninsured motor vehicle, unregistered motor vehicle, operating a motor vehicle on a revoked license, and attaching plates.

According to court documents, a Dracut police officer was driving along Nashua Road at 10:20 p.m. when he saw a 2001 Dodge van coming up fast behind nearly striking the cruiser before braking. When the officer checked the license plate, it came back to a Honda Civic.

After pulling over, Silva, nearly fell out of his vehicle, repeatedly saying, “I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry indeed.  Do you know how hard it is to be stopped for drunk driving without other cars, pedestrians, or inanimate roadside objects entering the equation?  That’s not an endorsement of drinking and driving.  That’s a statistical reality when you consider the amount of Police Officers out there for every maniac that gets behind the wheel beyond .08. What we’ve got here and an outlier’s outlier. Assuming Daniel Silva started drinking and driving on his 21st birthday (and I don’t see any character flags that would suggest otherwise), he’s averaged a DUI for every 3.25 years since 1988.  That’s what they call “Ruthian” on the dewey circuit.  He’s a first ballot’er if I’ve ever seen one.

PS.  Speaking of first ballot’ers, if there were a Merrimack Valley Drunk Driver Hall of Fame, it would be in Billerica right?

Some folks never know how good they have it….



Lowell Sun

LOWELL — As Melissa Rich drove a van with three special-needs adults to their Billerica group home, prosecutors at her trial allege the Dracut woman was drunk, talking on a cellphone and driving erratically when she went off the road, hit mailboxes and a utility pole before crashing into a River Road home two years ago.

All the passengers were taken to an area hospital, and one of the passengers suffered a broken hip that required weeks of hospitalization and rehab, prosecutor Laura Miller told a Lowell District Court jury on Wednesday.

Rich, 23, is charged with operating under the influence causing serious injury, negligent operation of a motor vehicle, marked-lanes violation and speeding.

This story absolutely kills me.  Driving the special needs van is my dream retirement gig, ranking just above driving the Janus Rink zamboni.  Driving the neighborhoods of the Valley, sipping a large Dunk’s, listening to AM radio talk shows in an non-ironic way, and getting good folks to places they need to go.  What could be better? 

Melissa Rich isn’t being a good steward here.  She obviously lacks any sort of respect for the gig.  You won’t get that on my watch.  I’ll be as sober as a judge, and that van will always have a minimum four wheels touching pavement.  That’s a promise.

So I guess we just confirmed that Tewksbury may in fact be, God’s on-deck circle.


Lowell Sun

LOWELL — With friends like this, who needs enemies?
That’s what a 20-year-old Tewksbury man should be asking himself after his attorney claims Patrick C. Taylor’s friends must have slipped him something, causing him to strip naked, display lewd behavior and repeatedly hitting himself in the head outside a Pinedale Avenue home early Sunday morning.
When Billerica police arrived at the address at 1:40 a.m. they found Taylor naked, his face and body covered in blood and dirt. He allegedly told officers he was God and threatened them with his wrath as he began to walk into the road.

I can’t decide what is more disappointing? God, resorting to the lame “I must have been drugged by friends” excuse, or the fact that he’s been living in Tewksbury this whole time and hasn’t restored Funland yet. (Where else can you hop in a whiffle ball batting cage and mash?) All kidding aside, his “to-do” list in Tewksbury should leave little time for naked rampages in Billerica. Besides, the “do you know who I am” line was never going to work in town that I believe is still predominantly pagan. Billericans don’t have time for worshiping higher beings that don’t yield an abundance of wild game, faster dirtbikes, or bigger snow plows.

PS. I always suspected that God was a white guy, but I guess this confirms it.

DUI with child in the BACK seat?!? What’s going on in Billerica?

Lowell Sun

BILLERICA — A 40-year-old Billerica woman was arrested on Labor Day after allegedly driving drunk with a child in the car, according to the Billerica Police Department.

Kristin Ward is being charged with operating under the influence of alcohol, child endangerment while operating under the influence, reckless operation of a motor vehicle, and alcohol from an open container.

Generally the youth of Billerica can pilot anything from ATV’s to a fan boats by the age of 10 months. Two wheels, four wheels, eighteen wheels, you name it…a baby Billerican can drop a clutch in it. Partly for means of survival on the Billerican frontier, but mostly for circumstances like this. And for that, leaving your mom hanging like this is pretty disconcerting. I don’t know what this kid’s problem is, but sitting there in your cozy car seat while your hammered mom slaloms through a parking lot is pretty uncouth. Grab the wheel, bro! A sad day in Billerica indeed.

Billerica, where electricity is just a bunch of new-aged-hooey.

20130719-084901.jpgLowell Sun

Some Billerica residents are without power Thursday morning after a transformer blew on Boston Road (Route 3A) in front of Town Hall at about 7 a.m., according to police.
National Grid’s online power outage map shows about 365 households/businesses near the town center are affected. The neighborhood that lost electricity includes both sides of Boston Road, from east of the Concord River to Pond Street.

The only thing inconvenient about a power outage in Billerica is when it doesn’t happen on a weekend. The Billericans celebrate a frontier style existence, and a power outage is merely an opportunity to celebrate that heritage without judgement from outsiders like myself.

lt doesn’t matter if somebody is nuking a bag of popcorn in the other room, the moment the lights flicker, it’s on. Guys hunker down in their front yard tree blinds, fan-boat traffic on the Concord quadruples, and everything with fur and a pulse heads for their burrows.

And make no mistake about it, this post comes from a place of respect. When doomsday hits and all you judgmental city slickers are waiting in line at Outdoor World trying to buy the last of the Swiss Army Knives, I will be fireside with my Billerican brethren, sharing steaming bowls of vermin stew and tales of the day’s hunt.