Seriously, I’ve got a tree that has gone from healthy to bark falling off in under a year.  We might have to put this one down. which may ultimately lead to something growing in it’s place that I’ll have to mow.  No bueno!  I like trees, you like trees, who wants to help me save a tree?  I hire on a referral basis only.  And don’t send me over your drunk cousin that happens to own a chainsaw.  I can operate a chainsaw, I can climb a tree, and I am spectacularly agile the further I get from the legal limit.  I need a tree whisperer.  I need a guy that knows whacky cures like soaking the trunk in a mixture of Natty Light and Windex.  Let’s get to work!

PS.  “The Arborist” sounds like a solid Seinfeld character.