Back Off in #Haiku. 5/31/17

[Please note: these poems are translated from phonecalls received and published by a newspaper with some dedicated reporters and some interesting readers. The translator is not responsible for whatever the original caller was trying to say].



5/31/17, Lowell Sun

President weighed down.

Dems won’t let him make changes.

Our savior cries out.


Too soon for voting.

Council needs “time to reflect.”

Votes up for auction

Roger is no more.

We are all shaken and stirred.

He did other stuff

Ball caps worn backwards.

The fashion of the young ones.

I am not impressed.

Councilor’s mind changed

A question of influence

Option Three feels cold

Attorney Gen’ral

Never at any crime scene.

Suspicions arise

New history books

Text replaced with clickbait lists

Clintons both losers

Back Off in #Haiku. Nov 25, 2016

[Please note: these were translated from angry phonecalls which were transcribed by some poor bastard in the deep bowels of an old sweatshop. I performed these translations for close to two years before the redundancy of the task made me question many of the choices I’ve made in life. The process itself has enlightened me to the inner feelings and an awareness of the decrepitation process. I fear that soon I too, much like the callers, will be yearning for a day when I have a lawn so that I may yell at children to get off of it. This will never again be an every day thing, but sometimes pain helps to remind us. Happy Holidays.]

Stop crying you losers.
Donny won and time moves on
Never heard us whine.

Results cause sadness.
But solace comes from one source:
Trump won’t be my fault.

Medals of Freedom.
Given out like cheap candy.
Dignity comes soon.

Governor Baker:
“I’ll fight for sanctuaries.”
Voters move along.

I’m Republican.
Electoral College must go.
My Mass vote should count.

Learn English you punks.
You were born in this country.
No more excuses.

Donny’s little swamp.
His friends think it’s a hottub.
He’ll never drain it.

Back Off in #Haiku. Feb 1-3, 2016

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Monday, Feb. 1, 2016

“Negro” ain’t allowed.
Made me switch to “black person.”
What’s wrong with “red man.”

Not President yet.
But he’s still taking control.
Trump blooms with brilliance.

She can get things done?
All she’s done is lose four men.
Not a good record.

Rita cheered for Trump.
All the endorsement he needs.
I vote based on cheers.

Hillary’s a crook.
Can’t let her back in that house.
She’ll steal more doorknobs.

My country has changed.
Immigrants won’t learn English.
School costs have risen.

My country has changed.
Recovery unlikely.
I pass in sadness.

School leaders made calls.
Reminding parents to meet.
How dare those bastards.

Tuesday, Feb. 2, 2016

Just men on school board.
Kim is running next April.
Balance draws closer.

Clinton’s email thing.
Two dozen were top secret.
Corruption is strong.

Isn’t just driving.
Don’t text while crossing the street.
OMMFG

Library worker.
Lost job she blamed for illness.
Now vindicated.

Movie ads are gone.
Another relic in dust.
Tell me what’s playing.

Don’t let Donny win.
If he does we know God died.
Prayers for His health.

Wednesday, Feb. 3, 2016

Pretty big college.
Buildings all over the place.
Not always a Ball.

Solutions are good.
Trump hasn’t offered any.
Leaders need those things.

I saw a movie.
It made Hillary look bad.
Vote for a lightweight.

Trump lost Iowa.
Spin will be adorable.
Insults will follow.

Canada looks nice.
Heading up there if Trump wins.
Help them build their wall.

Dirty politics.
Helped a store get a license.
Try not to shop there.

Hillary stands strong.
Despite all trumped up charges.
Track record proven.

Trump is immature.
Freaks out over nothing.
Spoiled and clueless.

Voting for Clinton.
Has electability.
Nobody else does.

Winter has been mild.
Will property taxes sink?
Saving on the plows.

Nobody blames dogs.
We blame lazy dog owners.
That shit is their job.

Replace dog catcher.
This one doesn’t have a clue.
They’re the one that bark.

Rest homes expensive.
Monthly payments keep rising.
Choose one carefully.

The Prez is racist.
Get him out of The White House.
Nosey SOB.

Back Off in #Haiku. January 25th-29th, 2016.

image

[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Monday, Jan. 25, 2016

Most of us want oil.
Cheapest way to heat your house.
Town should hear us out.

Drivers do fifty.
Speed limit is thirty-five.
Walkers in danger.

Lawyers make money.
Don’t want us knowing how much.
Guessing it’s a lot.

Town promotes new school.
Quiet about new pot shop.
Selective bragging.

Teachers deserve more.
Before politicians do.
Few of them get bribes.

Chandler Jones smoked weed.
Will he get endorsement deals?
Kids should stick to beer.

European tour.
All that’s missing from Trump’s show.
Kids sang for Hitler.

Wall Street stock traders.
Last folks I’ll trust with my funds.
Nest eggs named “Humpty.”

I’ve voted both ways.
Regretted it several.
Time to toss or clean

Plaza parking lot.
Spots taken by non-shoppers.
Problem increases.

Clinton’s a quitter.
Stepped aside for Obama.
Things I remember.

Dems save us money.
Fewer wars and cheaper gas.
Palin’s brain froze.

Tuesday, Jan. 26, 2016

It’s an old-school school.
Solid bricks made it last long.
Perfectly good place.

Major turnover.
Nobody wants to work there.
Obvious reasons.

Jobless rate will rise.
Small shops can’t pay those wages.
We’ll get minimized.

Go back to college.
Only way to get a good job.
To pay for college.

Stop stereotypes.
Name and mascot have to go.
Racial slurs aren’t names.

Wednesday, 1/27/16

Bernie is too old.
He’ll likely die in office.
That outweighs the good.

Always been Redmen.
Ev’ry white guy on that team.
Says so on my coat.

Better team and coach.
That’s why the Patriots lost.
Time to just move on.

Prohibition failed.
Now anti-gun laws will too.
Just drunks will have guns.

System is corrupt.
So we need a game show host.
What founders wanted.

Trump will clean up house.
Bring back the Constitution.
Above corruption.

Kids gave up cellphones.
Part of a cancer rally.
This thing needs to spread.

ID laws work well.
Why we use them for liquor.
Prevent voter fraud.

Group mentality.
Always loses reasoning.
That’s how we got Trump.

Trump can’t deliver.
Just says what you want to hear.
He can’t shoot people.

Pay folks what they’re worth.
Some people aren’t worth that much.
Can’t buy thinking skills.

Been here a long time.
Going back generations.
Time for you to leave.

Won’t vote for gender.
Women can be corrupt too.
Integrity counts.

People quote one guy.
Then say “all Republicans.”
Why stereotype?

Opioid crisis.
Wasn’t bad in the Bush years.
Walls will keep them out.

Don’t blame prescriptions.
Those have been here all along.
Unlike brown people.

Foreclosures rising.
I think it’s the economy.
Democrats to blame.