Back Off in #Haiku, Friday July 12-15, 2016


[Please note: these poems are translated from phonecalls received and published by a newspaper Kerouac once covered sports for. The translator is not responsible for whatever the original caller was trying to say].

Young professionals.
Evicted by state college.
Not good for PR.

Lots of bad people.
Police protect us from them.
They don’t create them.

Tuition went up.
College is a lib’ral scam.
Overpaid hippies.

We need Joe Biden.
Lonely eyes need a savior.
Bleak choice churns stomachs.

Asians have accents.
We don’t need accents heeah.
We speak cleeahly.

Police aren’t perfect.
But overall they’re not bad.
Just do as you’re told.

UMass will eat us.
None of our houses are safe.
Tax exempt monster.

Hit-and-run driver.
Wiped out all of our mirrors.
Shit ton of bad luck.

Sell the town golf course.
Use that to help your children.
Stop socialized golf.

Fireworks are ignored.
Going off late into night.
Real easy to trace.

FBI was wrong.
Polls show we doubt what they found.
Called in twice myself.

Time clock company.
Must have gotten big tax breaks.
We should all punch out.

Transgender babies?
Let them learn how to walk first.
Figure that out later.

Enforce the gun laws.
Require ID for voting.
Get off of my lawn.

School breakfast program.
Kids shouldn’t eat at their desks.
Have bus use drive-thru.

Big dough not to work.
She was willing to stay on.
A town loses twice.

They do speak English.
Play dumb when need arises.
Hearts bleed for liars.

Donny knows trouble.
It comes from other countries.
Observant carrot.

Won’t attack mailman.
Need to protect welfare checks.
[direct deposit?]

Let’s all move forward.
Times will challenge all our wills.
But it’s just football.

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Back Off in #Haiku. Feb 8-11th, 2016.

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Bernie on gun laws.
Voted the way Vermont likes.
Job done properly.

Clearly homicide.
I could have told you all that.
Who needs evidence?

Better than Donny.
That’s all Clinton has to be.
Not a real challenge.

Enough with ISIS.
They’re just a talking point now.
Move on to issues.

Commie or felon.
Or vote for Republicans.
Plenty to pick from.

Offensive cartoon.
Families don’t watch that guy.
Put it on later.

It’s not racism.
At least not in all cases.
Folks have other flaws.

Drop some candidates.
Rubio and Cruz to start with.
Let’s narrow things down.

Is there still a draft?
Your poll question says there is.
Pretty sure it’s gone.

I like Valentine’s.
Cheapskates might whine about it.
Lonely folks can rot.

I enjoy romance.
Some say that makes me sexist.
Chivalry should live.

Marco Rubio.
Attack ads against third place?
Trump and Cruz suck too.

True conservatives.
It’s possible for one to win.
Ignore the mainstream.

Hillary’s email.
Bad guys might want to see it.
Should protect it more.

Small group runs this town.
They ignore what voters want.
Unite the county.

Hillary critics.
Witch hunters are on the Right.
Berners to the Left.

Nun fled scene of crash.
Why’s this story newsworthy?
Leave God’s girl alone.

Tuesday Feb 9

Days without power.
Then the telephone went dead.
Zombies coming soon.

Zombies on their way.
Phone company doesn’t care.
Need better service.

Not the worse problem.
Plenty of houses look bad.
Way worse than trailers.

Cops seem entitled.
I know I’m new to these parts.
That’s just how it feels.

Voting for gender?
Race didn’t work out too well.
Try the Jewish guy.

She’s a survivor.
All the “scandals” and attacks.
Give her that at least.

Teddy said something.
Luckily he mentioned Trump.
That’s why I heard him.

No pay for snow days.
Labor Ready won’t do it.
Nor should the high school.

Do the job you have.
Folks campaign and ignore work.
Shouldn’t be that way.

Chris Christie forgot.
Fat guys don’t do marathons.
Understandable.

Carly got shut down.
Stood a good chance for a sec.
Then money came in.

Hillary has balls.
Running with all her baggage.
Accomplished nothing.

Obama Part 2.
What Hillary claims she’ll be.
How’s that a good thing?

Assisted living.
They charge a thousand a week.
Double what I made.

Let’s stop heroin.
Border Patrol can’t do it.
Bring in the big guns.

Wednesday Feb 10

No good candidates.
They’re all crazy or evil.
Democrats will win.

Kasich ain’t that bad.
But no chance of him winning.
Vote the socialist.

Small town newsletter.
Selectman takes all credit.
Sun rose anyway.

Never fed horses.
Might not have been abusive.
But won’t win my vote.

Torture terrorists.
Keep them alive to do so.
Good use of money.

Snow thrown into street.
Makes for a big slushy mess.
Oughta be a law.

Back Off in #Haiku. Feb 1-3, 2016

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Monday, Feb. 1, 2016

“Negro” ain’t allowed.
Made me switch to “black person.”
What’s wrong with “red man.”

Not President yet.
But he’s still taking control.
Trump blooms with brilliance.

She can get things done?
All she’s done is lose four men.
Not a good record.

Rita cheered for Trump.
All the endorsement he needs.
I vote based on cheers.

Hillary’s a crook.
Can’t let her back in that house.
She’ll steal more doorknobs.

My country has changed.
Immigrants won’t learn English.
School costs have risen.

My country has changed.
Recovery unlikely.
I pass in sadness.

School leaders made calls.
Reminding parents to meet.
How dare those bastards.

Tuesday, Feb. 2, 2016

Just men on school board.
Kim is running next April.
Balance draws closer.

Clinton’s email thing.
Two dozen were top secret.
Corruption is strong.

Isn’t just driving.
Don’t text while crossing the street.
OMMFG

Library worker.
Lost job she blamed for illness.
Now vindicated.

Movie ads are gone.
Another relic in dust.
Tell me what’s playing.

Don’t let Donny win.
If he does we know God died.
Prayers for His health.

Wednesday, Feb. 3, 2016

Pretty big college.
Buildings all over the place.
Not always a Ball.

Solutions are good.
Trump hasn’t offered any.
Leaders need those things.

I saw a movie.
It made Hillary look bad.
Vote for a lightweight.

Trump lost Iowa.
Spin will be adorable.
Insults will follow.

Canada looks nice.
Heading up there if Trump wins.
Help them build their wall.

Dirty politics.
Helped a store get a license.
Try not to shop there.

Hillary stands strong.
Despite all trumped up charges.
Track record proven.

Trump is immature.
Freaks out over nothing.
Spoiled and clueless.

Voting for Clinton.
Has electability.
Nobody else does.

Winter has been mild.
Will property taxes sink?
Saving on the plows.

Nobody blames dogs.
We blame lazy dog owners.
That shit is their job.

Replace dog catcher.
This one doesn’t have a clue.
They’re the one that bark.

Rest homes expensive.
Monthly payments keep rising.
Choose one carefully.

The Prez is racist.
Get him out of The White House.
Nosey SOB.

Back Off in #Haiku. January 25th-29th, 2016.

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Monday, Jan. 25, 2016

Most of us want oil.
Cheapest way to heat your house.
Town should hear us out.

Drivers do fifty.
Speed limit is thirty-five.
Walkers in danger.

Lawyers make money.
Don’t want us knowing how much.
Guessing it’s a lot.

Town promotes new school.
Quiet about new pot shop.
Selective bragging.

Teachers deserve more.
Before politicians do.
Few of them get bribes.

Chandler Jones smoked weed.
Will he get endorsement deals?
Kids should stick to beer.

European tour.
All that’s missing from Trump’s show.
Kids sang for Hitler.

Wall Street stock traders.
Last folks I’ll trust with my funds.
Nest eggs named “Humpty.”

I’ve voted both ways.
Regretted it several.
Time to toss or clean

Plaza parking lot.
Spots taken by non-shoppers.
Problem increases.

Clinton’s a quitter.
Stepped aside for Obama.
Things I remember.

Dems save us money.
Fewer wars and cheaper gas.
Palin’s brain froze.

Tuesday, Jan. 26, 2016

It’s an old-school school.
Solid bricks made it last long.
Perfectly good place.

Major turnover.
Nobody wants to work there.
Obvious reasons.

Jobless rate will rise.
Small shops can’t pay those wages.
We’ll get minimized.

Go back to college.
Only way to get a good job.
To pay for college.

Stop stereotypes.
Name and mascot have to go.
Racial slurs aren’t names.

Wednesday, 1/27/16

Bernie is too old.
He’ll likely die in office.
That outweighs the good.

Always been Redmen.
Ev’ry white guy on that team.
Says so on my coat.

Better team and coach.
That’s why the Patriots lost.
Time to just move on.

Prohibition failed.
Now anti-gun laws will too.
Just drunks will have guns.

System is corrupt.
So we need a game show host.
What founders wanted.

Trump will clean up house.
Bring back the Constitution.
Above corruption.

Kids gave up cellphones.
Part of a cancer rally.
This thing needs to spread.

ID laws work well.
Why we use them for liquor.
Prevent voter fraud.

Group mentality.
Always loses reasoning.
That’s how we got Trump.

Trump can’t deliver.
Just says what you want to hear.
He can’t shoot people.

Pay folks what they’re worth.
Some people aren’t worth that much.
Can’t buy thinking skills.

Been here a long time.
Going back generations.
Time for you to leave.

Won’t vote for gender.
Women can be corrupt too.
Integrity counts.

People quote one guy.
Then say “all Republicans.”
Why stereotype?

Opioid crisis.
Wasn’t bad in the Bush years.
Walls will keep them out.

Don’t blame prescriptions.
Those have been here all along.
Unlike brown people.

Foreclosures rising.
I think it’s the economy.
Democrats to blame.

Back Off in Haiku. 1/4-9/16

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a newspaper in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also if you’ve ever wanted me to cut out the middleman on the Trump poems consider it done. Trump Tweets in Haiku is now available for Kindle. For $3 you get over one hundred haiku based mainly on his December poll results. Thank-you.]

1/4/2016

Meehan in the murk.
Right up there with old gangsters.
Big stories come soon.

Hats made in China.
Supporters left out in cold.
Trump rally not great.

Trump’s undercover.
Unelectable fav’rite.
Working for Clinton

Whiners stop progress.
“Redmen” honored Wamesit.
A statue stands tall.

Fed workers get more.
Seniors getting deeper cuts.
President cares not.

Robots predict games.
BB8 is Belichick.
8 Super Bowl wins.

Sinister dark plans.
Evil Prez will destroy us.
Leads terrorists.

Elections over.
Your concerns are meaningless.
Empty smiles vanish.

“Liar of the Year.”
Politifact named The Prez.
They’re still called leftist.

Bad drugs imported.
Just like all the dealers are.
The Left kills your kids.

Border guards corrupt.
Illegal drugs will not stop.
Use special forces.

1/5/16

Meehan makes too much.
Why tuition rates are high.
Worse than government.

Not really from here.
Moved to rich ‘hood at age two.
Made electable.

Why not let Trump speak?
America is pro-freedom.
Like Trump always says.

Liars surround us.
Nobody else to vote for.
Swallow your oatmeal.

Donated money.
Hope it went to someone nice.
Pretty sure it did.

Ransom sounds too high.
No way we paid five billion.
You’re fuggin’ crazy.

 

1/6/15

Sidewalks near the school.
Not cleared after a small storm.
A slippery slope.

I’d vote for Sandi.
I think she has to run though.
That’d be the first thing.

Programs now funded.
Billionaires still doing fine.
Obama did fine.

Natalie Cole’s voice.
Beautiful and will be missed.
Unforgettable.

Trump has health issues.
Specifically mental.
So does his fan base.

Air-filled Nutcracker.
Stolen from yard on New Year’s.
Return it you drunk.

Trump could be Hitler.
Wants to target immigrants.
Face of fear itself.

 

1/7/2016

I don’t have a gun.
But might need to kill a man.
I’d like to use his.

The Prez is Hitler.
If Hitler sold used Chryslers.
A heil of a deal.

Should protest Meehan.
Trump didn’t raise tuition.
Priorities count.

Flat wrapping paper.
Much cheaper after Christmas.
Paper Store has some.

Grew up with the guy?
You don’t sound grown up to me.
I doubt your wisdom.

1/8/2016

Three years probation.
Prob’ly got to keep money.
Justice is broken.

Officers busy.
Work ethic respectable.
Don’t ignore value.

Reagan’s market crash.
Resulted from trickle-down.
Days best left behind.

Bill Clinton’s hobbies.
Long gone from Oval Office.
Days best left behind.

 

1/9/2016

Live within budget.
You’re town leaders for Christ’s sake.
Start acting like it.

Unqualified fraud.
Crying his crocodile tears.
His cries disgust me.

Student protesters.
Embarrassment to our town.
Trump should be revered.

Beautiful lighting.
Town Common brought to splendor.
Company did well.

I still live in town.
You criticize from afar.
Grown-ups face their foes.

Snow on school busses.
Flies off onto my windshield.
Should have been removed.

Boxer in his jock.
Forgot to put his shorts on.
Smoke-filled memories.

Back Off in #Haiku. 12/28/15-1/2/16

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a newspaper in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also, if you want to buy my books on Kindle that’d be cool.http://www.amazon.com/dp/B019GLL1S8/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_awdo_9BYDwb1Q0YMTF]

Monday, 12/28/15

Boxer should retire.
All those fights have done their harm.
Pastures are calling.

Fiorina stays.
She can beat anybody.
Except maybe Trump.

Donut shop tax break..
Like they’ll bring in some tourists.
Our town is struggling.

Insane light display.
Bigger than Disney Parades.
Pride of cul de sac.

Trump and Obama.
More in common than you think.
They’re both dictators.

Apple Computers.
Just a Chinese company.
Not like Nokia.

Trump is all they’ve got?
Fifteen people were on stage.
Evolution failed.

Moved to New Hampshire.
To avoid wage increases.
Polartec fleeced us.

Officer on phone.
Wonder who he’s talking to.
Wish I had that job.

Fight the drug dealers.
Cut heroin at the source.
Narcan’s behind this.

Clinton will close schools.
That ain’t a President’s job.
Border patrol is.

Sentences cancelled
Undoing work of police.
Obama loves drugs.

Roads must be repaired.
Taxes pay for things like that.
How government works.

Tuesday 12/29/15

Beautiful picture.
Best front page you could have run.
Meaning of Christmas.

You nailed the cover.
Wonderful picture of Christ.
No pun intended.

“Night Before Christmas.”
Front page poem was much needed.
Tradition should grow.

Merry Christmas all.
I say this to ev’ryone.
The rabbis love it.

Anti-Christians suck.
We’re surrounded by many.
They hate our good vibes.

Give me for Christmas
The head of Roger Goodell.
Kids need role models.

Night before Christmas
All barbershops were shut down.
Town run by grinches.

Prostitution sting.
Put a damper on Christmas.
Needed to be done.

Congress is sneaky.
Lobbyists now non-profits.
You watched a ball drop.

Beggars increase trash.
Councilor got it cleaned up.
Mayor did nothing.

Mayor proud of work.
But it was a half-assed job.
Parking but no stores.

Wednesday 12/30/15

Like did not Star Wars.
Too commercialized it was.
Tix costly they are.

Democrat debates.
Clinton doesn’t want viewers.
She chooses time slots.

“Black Lives Matter” sign.
I believe all lives matter.
Even the priv’leged.

Global warming’s nice.
Saves me money on heating.
That seems ironic.

Hustle and bustle.
Ain’t got that out in these parts.
We’re one town over.

Silent but deadly.
Gas leaks all over the town.
This government blows.

Beggars should clean up.
Doesn’t seem like much to ask.
It’s their goddamn mess.

Thursday 12/31/15

Trump’s a douche nozzle.
But he has a right to speak.
He can be peaceful.

Protesters are mean.
If you don’t like Trump stay home.
Trump’s open-minded.

Free speech is for Trump.
Protesters don’t have any.
Next they’ll deport him.

Kid speeds down Main Street.
Cop sees and does not chase him.
Laws are meaningless.

New Hampshire blames us.
Says we’re the reason for drugs.
We don’t have those crops.

Gas under two bucks.
People pay thirty cents more.
They should shop around.

It isn’t hate speech.
They’re just prone to hurting folks.
Religion does that.

Friday 1/1/16

Kids should learn the law.
Amendments apply to Trump.
Let the poor man speak.

Our rights are infringed.
We have a right to be scum.
Slave owners said so.

Tsongas Arena.
Named for a quality man.
Unlike Trump Plaza.

Repairs came out nice.
Looks incredibly nicer.
Father Nick gets thanks.

Beggars ev’rywhere.
It’s like an epidemic.
And they’re all loaded.

Saturday 1/2/16

Tribe members all gone.
Sport logos all we have left.
That’s our heritage.

Poor job snow clearing.
Preschoolers could do better.
There goes the budget.

Plow the width of street.
Things too narrow as it is.
Mice can do better.

Two thousand sixteen.
Hope this year goes much better.
Last year can bite me.

Mice and preschoolers.
Do they make shovels that small?
More storms are coming.

Back Off in #Haiku. Nov 23-28, 2015

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a newspaper in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.]

Monday

Ship all these bastards.
Useless and corrupt to boot.
Mistakes have been made.

Follow your money.
Taxes spent on bad programs.
Changes are needed.

He lied ’bout healthcare.
Won’t trust him on refugees.
Killers will sneak in.

Dems just give stuff out.
JFK told them “Ask not…”
Make this country great.

Tuesday

Spread fear like herpes.
Don’t really care who they hurt.
Right is good at that.

You’ll all get herpes!
Potential is ev’rything!
Marines should know this.

We need a new Prez.
I do not like this person.
He is not that good.

Romney would be nice.
Instead an ass hat now runs.
Dumb clueless ass hat.

Can’t judge anyone.
Not until you’re in their shoes.
Love my foot fetish.

Wednesday

Give me a damn raise.
I haven’t worked in decades.
And I didn’t save.

Dude’s fuggin’ brilliant.
Like right up there with Trumpster.
I’m writing him in.

John Kerry just sucks.
Seth Moulton equally bad.
I hate veterans.

There’s more terrorists.
Many of them speak English.
You can report that.

Kendall and Rodney.
Such close tight friendly buddies.
Ken should run next time.

Thursday

Begging to be robbed.
Don’t leave purses out open.
Thieves can strike quick.

Refugees hide scum.
They are from cultures of hate.
Doors should remain shut.

Mercier and Rourke.
Got the high school roof repaired.
A job done quickly.

Pipeline will save us.
Beef eagles just keep whining.
These are good people.

Respect privacy.
Salaries aren’t your concern.
Don’t create targets.

Friday

Letter from Blossom.
A well-written joy to read.
Keep up the good work.

Lot of hate for Vets.
Seems to be coming from Right.
Pretty disgusting.

Tsongas out of touch.
Her lockstep differs from mine.
Supposed to lead right.

Shawsheen Tech freshmen.
Undefeated football team.
Great job getting there.

Headlights at all times.
Factories should make it so.
Folks get forgetful.

Saturday

Look in the mirror.
Understand you’re a failure.
Clueless management.

Rodney will be missed.
Unless he forgets to leave.
Deer in a spotlight.

Fashion designers.
Not relevant to fashion.
Photos should be cropped.

Insult my city.
We hardly get attention.
We have losers too.

We are all sinners.
But at least we’re not creepy.
Your ways are messed up.