Back Off in #Haiku. June 1-6, 2015

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[Please note: Friday night/Saturday morning I decided to call in sick for this job. A couple of friends picked up my slack and they’re given credit. Remember: they’re just translators/messengers. Don’t shoot them.]

Backtalk: 6/1/2015

Donate all your time.
It’s what we expect of you.
Private sector does.

Peals on the sidewalk.
Staple of old slapstick flicks.
Keep that off my lawn.

Why they say “lucked out”?
Luck is what you fell into.
Confusion sets in.

Alien nation
Stealing billions of my cash
Come work for me now
~S Jacque Antonaccio

Backtalk: 6/2/2015
(by Felicia Sullivan)

Three police officers
One Mammoth Road hole to watch
Three too much me thinks

Bad pet owner’s fault
Courts too packed because of them
Give Chelmsford a break

Property eyesore
Dracut Manager should fine
Too much dough needed

Greedy teachers, yes
They don’t care for Dracut’s kids
Cash is all they want

Irish approve gay marriage
cuts off nose to spite their faith
Broken vows I say

You have a narrow mind
Dracut moralist. I say
To be open is good.

Backtalk 6/3/15.
(back to Ratbas)

Prez doesn’t listen.
That’s why advisers won’t stay.
Micromanager.

Military shoes.
Why aren’t they made locally?
Troops should support us.

Event was well-run.
Cancer walk went perfectly.
Totally impressed.

Outsourcing issues.
Aramark cleaners stole stuff.
Not really surprised.

Pay cops like doctors.
Without them we’re pretty screwed.
Same goes for teachers.

Backtalk: 6/4/2015

Leave Jenner alone.
That’s no one’s business but their’s.
Go find some real news.

Not that impressive.
Milton Berle also dressed up.
As well as Hoover.

Not really a cop.
You chase dogs for a living.
Get over yourself.

Big unemployment.
50 million on food stamps.
Prez says it’s all good.

Shelter is picky.
Only taking brand new clothes.
Tags need to be on.

Give him a minute.
He needs to find out something.
That’s funny to me.

Get a Trojan horse.
Put it in the park on North.
Good use for the park.

Natural gas cost.
Major reductions soon here.
National Grid sucks.

Took my kids away.
Gave them to a couple drunks.
Screw you DCF.

Backtalk: 6/5/2015

Lost my cleaning job.
Aramark guys stealing shit?
Laughing my ass off.

No Olympics here.
Transit system is a joke.
Just can’t handle it.

Finish construction.
I’m sure it’s a nice building.
Dirt piles block the view.

Girls helped our parade.
Little ones holding the signs.
Just adorable.

Don’t care if they’re kids.
Armed punks broke into my place.
Public shaming now.

John Kerry’s tough break.
I have a clever joke here:
He used training wheels.

Backtalk: 6/6/2015

Should have got the job.
I just don’t understand it.
He seemed qualified.

TV in my trash.
Somebody else put it there.
I’m gonna get fined.

Concord River bridge.
Need one for pedestrians.
Help them cross over.

Guessing it’s your kid.
You’re prob’ly a bad parent.
Good job DCF.

Drugs are expensive.
Seniors going without meds.
But addicts get them.

Sound Off

Monday, June 1, 2015

Heimlich maneuver.
Now called “Abdominal thrusts.”
Saved my husband’s life.

Can’t trust Hillary.
Family of corruption.
Voters’ denial.

Can we skip the drunks?
Don’t have to publish all posts.
Ramblers ruin it.

Free up tax money.
Abandon the freeloaders.
Stop taxing the rich.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Wish Hillary turned Right.
Then the press would attack her.
Lib’ral media.

The bomber boys.
Wasn’t about religion.
Didn’t bomb a church.

Temporary bridge.
What they need down in Cape Cod.
Say 14 lanes wide.

Charity at home.
Benefit for fallen cops?
Doesn’t help my town.

Privatize transit.
We don’t need transparency.
More shitty temp jobs.

I’m a Democrat.
But I love Mike Huckabee.
Stood up for Duggar.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

I lost my wallet.
Folks delivered to my door.
Wish I got your name.

That new hands-free law.
Why bother with casinos?
Big dough just from that.

John Kerry’s medals.
Don’t give him one for his leg.
Didn’t earn his Hearts.

Socialist Sanders.
Not in my America.
Go back to Vermont.

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SOFC Presents: Can I Be Frank?: Christmas Candor

Have some fun during the holidays. Haunt your friends and family with some hard core honesty (or some slight exaggerations of the truth. Whatevs)

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Can I Be Frank?: Christmas Candor
Billionaire Boston Businessman Jack Welch made his career, and General Electric, a phenomenal success through the implementation of a few key principles. Not a man to mince words, Welch believed in honesty and, as he describes in his book Winning, “candor” in the workplace. In a very small nutshell, Welch preached that the ultimate way to drive a thriving, growing and successful enterprise is by creating an environment whereby candor was a part of everyday management. Essentially, employees from the CEO to the custodian, knew exactly where they stood in the company’s totem pole at all times. Those that excelled were rewarded. Those in the middle of the pack were offered guidance. Those at the bottom were, well, chopped. Forever controversial in his credo, Welch built an incredible empire and his success at GE cannot be denied.

OK, enough business BS, not what I am pondering.  I am bringing up the topic of candor.

Candor, by definition, is the quality of being open and honest in expression; frankness (I certainly like that last word in the definition).  What I am driving at is there is simply not enough candor in the world – not only just at the workplace.  With the holiday season upon us, there is no better time to start implementing effective and ‘to-the-point’ practices of being candid with the people we run in to each and every day.  Perhaps more than any other time of the year, we are forced to exchange pleasantries with folks all day long.  Unlike other hum-drum dates on the calendar December was created for smiles and cheer; be it real or fake.  I say, what a perfect time to start expressing what you really mean or at least make it entertaining.  Start saying what you really feel.  Start being honest.  Start being candid.

Enough of the incessant “Hi, how are yous?”, “How are things?”, “What’s new?”  “What are your plans for the holidays?”  Enough.  Let’s let everyone know how we feel at that moment in time.  Why not?  What’s the harm?  Society would certainly become more interesting if we all embraced this practice.

But, tis the season of giving so allow me to give you some straight-talk samples so you can learn to truthfully answer all the questions that are hurled in your face; especially during this Holy and blessed time of year.  OK, not truthfully… but have some fun for crying out loud…it’s the holidays!

QUESTION:   Hey, How are you?  Happy Holidays!

ANSWER: I’m OK.  Looks like my restraining order is going to finally be lifted from my ex…so that’s a good thing.  How are the kids?

A creepy look and a quick walkaway are guaranteed.

QUESTION:  What are your plans for Christmas?

ANSWER: Christmas?  Well, I have been a practicing Jew for the last 10 years but thanks for noticing.  (awkward pause) Ha,ha,…I am SO kidding….I’m not Jewish.  I’m Chinese.

Should raise an eyebrow or 3…unless you actually are Chinese.  Doesn’t work if you are.

QUESTION: So, what are you getting Jim/Judy for Christmas?

ANSWER: Vasectomy/Hysterectomy

How you like them apples?

QUESTION: I am sure hoping for a white Christmas, how bout you?

ANSWER: If by “White” you mean I get “a ton of cocaine”…then yes….me too.

Suspected drug use is always a holiday classic.

QUESTION: Have you gotten your tree yet?

ANSWER: We did! We got a Bonsai.  So excited.  Decorating it tomorrow night with Mr Miagi.

Karate Kid jokes never, ever fail.

QUESTION: Hope you are on Santa’s NICE list?

ANSWER: Except for that alleged abduction, I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t be.  Chilly out, huh?

Again, keep the asker on their toes.

QUESTION: Any mistletoe hanging in your house?

ANSWER: We’re not big mistletoe believers in our house but there is a tradition of the ‘Ether Bunny’ we celebrate year round.

Intentionally drugging of a loved one is like Christmas morning any day of year.

QUESTION: How you doing with your holiday shopping?

ANSWER: Not bad.  You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to sneak crap out of the Dollar Store.

The trick to this one is double check your pockets/purse as you respond.

QUESTION: What are your New Year’s resolutions?

ANSWER: Kept it simple this year.  Staying off the meth while driving the kids around.  You can never be too safe, right?  Oh, and I am definitely joining a gym.

I am not sure this is candor or just cruel and sarcastic answers to commonly asked questions during the holidays.  Take it or leave it.

As Cousin Eddie so eloquently stated in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation….

’Merry Christmas, S#!++er is FULL!”

And to all a good night…..
Guest Blogger Frank McCabe can be heard every Friday on 980 WCAP AM Radio. For anyone under the age of 70, run to your nearest Iphone and download TuneIn Radio.

SOFC Presents: Can I Be Frank? Bullies & Other Slap Worthy People

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I recently wrote a piece about the 10 People that Occupy Facebook. In essence, I offered my examination of the distinct personalities that crowd the social networking website. In another “study” of human behavior I have made a similar listing of the 10 more people/personalities that completely and utterly piss me off.

In honor of ‘Prevention of Bullying Month’, here’s to you bullies and a few others that have earned a dope slap by The Book of Frank.

10. The Beauties

The Beauties are the people who are really attractive…really really attractive….and they know it. From head to toe, Beauties exude confidence in all things they do. At parties, in meetings, walking through the park, Beauties are acutely aware that they are better looking than 95% of the world and have an annoying way of letting the rest of us Shrek-alikes know that. Smug looks. Fake laughs. Condescending comments. These are all the warning signs you have encountered a Beauty. The good news is that Beauties typically land in a relationship with #6 on my list.

9. The Hipsters

Ah, the cigarette-smoking-coffee-drinking-skinny-jean-wearing-bad-facial-hair-flaunting-tree-hugging-protest-rally-attending-earthy-crunching-no-job-having Hipster. Hipsters are not bad people. In fact they are actually a fun-loving and harmless group. They mean well. Hipsters are just well….bothersome. Hipsters love art, music, culture, and poetry…but boy do they hate an honest day’s work! Hipsters are usually left wing, peaceful, harmonious free spirits. Honestly, these folks are more or less cool by me…just stay inside Starbucks, ok, the rest of us are busy.

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SOFC Presents: Can I Be Frank?: Breaking Beantown Bandwagon

20130918-165305.jpgbandwagon (band-wag-on): noun

1. Suddenly giving a damn when a team gets good.

2. Liking a sports team only because they’re winning

3. When a person likes a trend, or sports team, just because it is getting more popular

(SOURCE: Urban Dictionary)

Not that you do not know what a bandwagon is, but that is the topic today, kids, and I want to be sure you are all hopping on this blog’s bandw….yuck…nevermind.

The bandwagon, for today’s purposes, will relate specifically to sports. More specifically, Boston sports.

Ah, the bandwagon. The bandwagon-effect is the true core of every sports fan, just the part no one will admit to existing. Well, I am coming clean today, people. But before I do, let me step back for a second.

Like most red-blooded New Englanders, I have always stood by our beloved Boston teams over the years. For most of my life (at least until the millennium) I have had to endure many, many grueling seasons of sports watching. Losing teams. Playoff heartbreak. You name, we lived through it. Pain like 1986 when both the Red Sox and Patriots reached the pinnacle of their respective games only to let us down in the end. Truthfully, I was a better fan in those days as a child than I am today.

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SOFC presents: Can I Be Frank?: The 10 People that Occupy Facebook

20130905-075328.jpgHi Sad Sack!

Facebook is the largest online social network.

In 2008 Facebook had 100 million users and as of March 2013 has 1.11 Billion.

Facebook filed for a $5 billion IPO on February 1st 2012 and valued the company at $104 billion.

(Source: Statisticbrain.com)

Facebook is a juggernaut. Except for genesis of the internet itself, it is arguably the most powerful and influential invention of this millennium. A billion users. A BILLION! That is 1/7 of the WORLD’s POPULATION. Very impressive, Lord Zuckerberg. Very impressive.

Now that you have some baseline information about Facebook, I want to encapsulate the entire experience.

The fact of the matter is that more than half of the United States in on Facebook; back out babies and geriatrics and the actual percentage of eligible users are staggering. But this lesson is not about the stats of Facebook and why is it so great. If I am being totally frank (ha,ha) I think Facebook is a bit, well, played. It seems to have reached a bit of a ‘been there, done that’ phase of existence. However, I am confident it is hard to find more than a handful of people that are not regulars on the Book.

And so, to you 1 billion brainwashed drones of Facebook, you are more than likely one of these 10 people.

10. The Statesman

The Statesman is the person that will make Facebook their personal Squawk Box to rattle off their meaningless and un-influential thoughts on all things politics and government. The Statesman is typically a hard ‘lefty’ or ‘righty’ and is seeking the world’s (or at least their 268 Facebook ‘friends’) to agree with their viewpoint and spread the word to the masses. Do us a favor; just yell at your TV instead. Thanks.

9. The Foodie

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SOFC Presents: Can I Be Frank?: The Biography of ‘Back to School’

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No matter your color, creed, political affiliation or ethnicity when you hear the phrase “back to school” it elicits an emotion. From the time we can comprehend the concept until we are in our golden years those three words mean something to just about everyone; especially students, teachers and parents. But even for those beyond the educational starting-line that is “back to school”, the expression conjures up some feeling be it past, present or future. Every one of us has had to manage the passage of returning to school for some portion of our lives and later, many need to manage this annual happening with our offspring.

With the beginnings of another school year upon us again I began to think about the feelings that are mustered up when we hear those three little words And so, here is my review of the emotional roller coaster we each ride over the course of our lifetime when we hear that timeless expression.

Age 7: Wonder & Excitement

First grade baby! Are you kidding me? What on earth is better than 1st grade? You have already survived the politics and mind games that you surely confronted in kindergarten. Now it’s time to party. No more naps. No more half days. You have your own little friend posse and you are ready to take it out for a spin. First grade may be the last grade you enter with no real expectations or demands put upon you. Show up, shut up and smile…you’ll get straight ‘As’. Fact.

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SOFC Presents: Can I be Frank? Irrational Fears: Shark Attacks

With the onset of Shark Week, I have opened a new series in the Can I be Frank? tales; Irrational Fears. We all have fears in life. Some are founded, others are completely ridiculous. I realized that I have many of what I am calling “irrational fears”.

An irrational fear, by my definition, is the fear of something – be it a person, animal, object, activity, or geography – that is likely to be perfectly safe and unlikely to cause any bodily harm.
First on my agenda of these fears is the ultimate adversary to mankind. Of course, I am referring to sharks. All shapes, all sizes.

Here are just a few “real” facts on shark attacks from the liars at National Geographic…

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