Update: Sons of Franky Cabot- Election Fantasy Draft begins Wednesday October 30th.

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While the city’s collective attention is fixed on Rodney and Ed’s campaign for Women’s rights, we thought it would be a good time to shift gears. We like to think of The Cabot as a local blog, rather than a political blog. But with an upcoming City Election in November that will define the scope of the City leadership (ie. A City Manager possibly heading to free agency, New High School, Rodney Elliott starting bikram yoga to manage stress), it can’t be ignored. So we popped over to the MrMillCity storage unit and pulled out a classic…The Lowell City Council Fantasy Draft.

We will be rolling out the results beginning Wednesday, October 30th, wrapping up on that Friday. But feel free to play along at home or in the office.

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Kim Scott is redefining the campaign game.

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What the Lowell Public Schools need is the creative, innovative types making the big decisions. Someone who decides canvassing, hand shaking, and baby kissing are for sixth place losers. Someone who decides it’s much more efficient to spam the shit out of voters daily, than to physically ask for your vote. That person, is @kpemscott.

“Brown University? They’ve got one of those in Providence.”- Dildo Dunphy

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Lowell Sun

LOWELL — Many City Council challengers are strongly opposed to fellow challenger Derek Mitchell’s proposal to generate more money for code enforcement by taxing non-owner-occupied residential properties at the higher commercial tax rate.

Thank god for the Lowell Sun. I actually thought this was an interesting idea until they pooled together the dissenting thoughts of the Doyle’s. Now I just feel dumb. I obviously didn’t go to Brown.

Whether Derek Mitchell’s idea is a good one or not is neither here nor there. Generally, most great ideas (outside of Lowell Politics) begin half baked and are then nurtured by the collective into what will become a GREAT idea. What is most concerning here are the geniuses that are poking holes in it. Here are three of my favorites:

“It is a tax on tenants,” said Dan Rourke, from Pawtucketville. “The higher tax bill will be transferred from the owner to the tenants.”

This is a 1000 percent true…if we were living in feudal England. Thankfully, (at least until January when Danny Ballgame gets sworn in), the rental market will still be predicated on inventory and the size of the rental pool. Best of all, we’re welcome to go live in another landlords kingdoms.

Genevieve Doyle, a first-time candidate from Centralville, said she does not think it would be fair for landlords who maintain their properties to pay the commercial rate.

“It might drive people out of the city who care for their buildings and do the upkeep,” Doyle said.

Will they be taking their cared-for buildings with them?

“All the people in Lowell did not go to Brown University and many of them are struggling to pay their taxes now,” said Fred Doyle, referencing Mitchell’s undergraduate degree from Brown.

True, all people in Lowell did not go to Brown University. Bit if they did, the Princeton Review “Campus Life” write-up would be hysterical: “Campus Life follows the usual pattern of late adolescent hedonism. Students don’t study, if at all, and grades are awarded based on how many cousins removed you are from the professor.”

PS. Is there a bigger fucking loser than Fred Doyle? (Yep, first f’bomb on the blog).

CNAG Meet the Candidates Night…Where glamour politics go to die.

20131001-101601.jpgDoes it get any better than selling out for local city politics? Look at that crew sitting there. Burning a Monday night at Dom Polski, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to do their best to get another group of insane people (willing to burn a Monday night at Dom Polski) to clap for you. It’s a hell of a commitment.

I’m not sure how Mark was able to secure a press credential for this red carpet event, but I don’t ask questions. I just gleefully await his tweets. Here’s the recap and some of my thoughts if you weren’t able to clear your calendar:20131001-080947.jpg
Clutch performance by Marty Lorrey, fitting all his “favorite movies” in a 2 minute window. He’s a vet now. The Dom Polski crowd was no doubt impressed by that experience on display.

20131001-110616.jpg in keeping with his stance on local code enforcement, the local fire code at Dom Polski doesn’t permit the standard Fred Doyle entrance of lasers and dry ice smoke. Naturally he sat this one out.

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New Highschools are for a bunch of runner-ups! (UPDATE)

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Run with Gendron Blog

Lowell High School offers the citizens of Lowell some of the best teachers and largest variety of educational opportunities in the state. There are a lot of success stories and positive attributes about this school, and I love to talk about them. However, we cannot ignore the fact that the facility itself is not one of them. The Lowell High school facility is deficient and needs to be replaced. When I see the facilities that have been built in towns like Tewksbury and Lawrence, I ask myself, “Why can’t we do this in Lowell?”

As a parent of four sons who have attended Lowell High School, some of the deficiencies are obvious. Threadbare carpets and walls in need of paint are items that should be easy to address. However, my eyes were opened further when I read the Lowell High School Facilities Assessment Report that was distributed in 2007 by the City of Lowell Department of Planning and Development in conjunction with the Massachusetts School Building Authority. This report highlights many of the more serious deficiencies that may not be obvious to the casual observer, or a parent who does not have the need to be in the school when it is in session.

How about the nerve of this Gendron guy…waltzing onto the School Committee scene and wildly suggesting that Lowell High School is falling apart, and that perhaps it’s time for a new one. Well yeah, Steve, no kidding. That’s the whole point. In the business of winning, we call that home field advantage. When Chelmsford kids show up at the field house and are terrified of rogue roof trusses falling on their heads, that’s a win for the Red Raiders. That East German feel of the “new” building helps weed out all the softies and boosts the tuition coffers down at Central…and that’s exactly the way we want it!

Sure, crackpot scientists and yuppies from Andover might suggest that natural lighting is essential, but half our student pop has year-round tans anyway. Classroom technology? Smart boards? What a bunch new aged hooey. The Classroom technology discussion should begin and end with a BowFlex in every classroom. Crumbling infrastructure? That’s just more “apparatus” for Soviet style dry-land training. That’s the Red Raider way!

Everyone knows that property values in Lowell are tied directly to our wins and losses in the MVC. Certainly the current school committee anyway. So if we really need to build something to spice up this election season, how about a bigger trophy case?

Update: In response to some of the feedback regarding this blog, if you read this and concluded that we think building a new High School is actually a BAD idea, you may want to see a doctor about getting your extra chromosome removed. I think it’s a great idea and I am pumped that there’s someone out there championing better standards for Lowell Schools. Get a feel for the blog before jumping down our throats. Gracias.

This Tristan Prettyman is quite fetching, eh?

20130809-104839.jpgJust logged onto the Lowell Summer Music Series site to see what’s doing and caught a glimpse of this Tristan Prettyman….

…sorry, I had to take a moment because my heart just fluttered. She’s totally my type…and my type doesn’t usually have pipes of the caliber of Tristan’s. (except for my wife, she’s obviously perfect). Has anyone started a Claymate-esque fan club for Tristan? Because your next President is sitting right here. We’ll be the Prettymen.