Back Off in #Haiku June 2nd & 3rd 2017

[Please note: these poems are translated from phonecalls received and published by a newspaper with some dedicated reporters and some interesting readers. The translator is not responsible for whatever the original caller was trying to say].

Donnie says “pay up.”
That’s some good diplomacy.
Better than Capone.

Belvidere racist.
Only reason against Cawley.
It’s a pretty swamp.

Bank robbers don’t smile.
That’s the first thing they teach you.
Damn selfie addicts.

Courts should watch the news.
They’d see how right Donnie is.
Terrorists abound.

Donnie shoved a guy.
Like a halloween fat kid.
Teach him some manners.

Name all of the names.
Who is getting free health care?
Minds are enquiring.

Land without highways
Stealing companies from our town
This is a bad thing

Mercedes drivers
Keep riding free on MassHealth
All of them scammers

The Pope has a wall
Why can’t Donnie have a wall?
And a big white hat?

Eminent domain
Wrong on so many levels
I am against it

Nothing’s going right
Hamilton Canal a joke
Our schools are condemned

Empty streets all hours
There were crowds in the sixties
Vote all these bums out

Griffin went too far
What will other countries think?
Treat Donnie better

Simplify process
“Lowell High needs Principal”
Put that on Craig’s List

Car parked at night

Wrong side of road to nowhere

Fire trucks can’t zigzag

You’re Awesome

 

 

 

 

awesome

 

Rodney...belanger.

Sent: Sun 11/02/2014 8:48 AM

To: corey@wickedawesome.com

Cc: 

Subject: Last Night

 

What’up CB,

 

Didn’t get a chance to huddle last night, but awesome job…or should I say…”Wicked Awesome” job.  We’re inside a year until go time.  Being subtle is for pussies.  Let’s rock and roll. 

 

Warmest Regards,

 

Hot Rod

 

 PS> For my introductions going forward, we can probably start adding in the laser lights, dry ice, and references to my supreme leadership.

 

(Credit: Lowell Sun, Lowell Live Feed, Muriel Parseghian)

 

Corey Belanger: Purveyor of fine spirits, spirit…hope and goodwill.

corey2

Picture Gleefully stolen from CoreyBelangersVests

From RichardHowe.com

At the Lowell City Council on Tuesday, July 22, 2014, Mayor Rodney Elliott made a motion requesting the City Manager have the Chief Financial Officer and Superintendent of Schools produce a report regarding the costs incurred to educate newcomer students.  Besides Mayor Elliott, Corey Belanger was the only City Councilor to speak on the motion.  The following is a verbatim transcript of what Belanger said: 

By Councilor Belanger:  Thank you Mr. Vice Mayor [Councilor Leahy was in the Chair].  I think this is a great motion.  And to get to Mayor Elliott’s points, that Lowell, we’ve always been a city of immigrants.  That is our foundation.  We have many nationalities here.  I visited many of the schools and it’s encouraging to see how diverse we really, really are, all the way to a young age.

But we got a problem that’s serious and it’s going to get far worse, of refugees, undocumented or illegal aliens, which ever term you choose to use, are pegged for Lowell.  We are on that list.  Many of which are unskilled and uneducated.  And they’re on their way.

Corey’s not saying we’re not the place for immigrants. He saying we’re not the place for THESE immigrants. We just need to hold out for the right types…you know, the 1850’s tired, poor, huddled masses types. And we have just the place for these types. We have a place in this city where they can warm themselves with a  bowl of hearty beef stew.  A place where the nectar of their homeland pours from 3 different taps. A place where the craic is grander than a Clare Island wedding party. A place where Tommy Makem’s (bless his soul) dulcet tones rain down upon thy guests like a spring shower.  A place so authentic you could convince yourself that Eamon De Velera once sat bar side watching a Red Sox spring training game hiding from John Bull’s informants.  A place…the only place, where you won’t be greeted by the words, “Wicked Irish Need Not Apply.”

To those folks we say, “céad míle fáilte!”

Holy Dad Hat!

Belanger elliott

Jeez Rodney, Could you make a hat less cool? I’m not asking you to go flat billed-sticker on, but can we at least get a little commitment in the bend? You look like a sixth round draft pick out of Saskatoon. I don’t think we’re asking too much here. The Folk Fest is only the biggest event on the City Calendar. Loosen up, bruh! Send the Super Mayor costume to the dry cleaners for a couple days, tip a couple wine coolers, and let the citizens know this event is actually going to be fun.

PS.  Are you serious with that weak sauce knot?  Strong Mayors go nothing less than double Windsor.  It’s in the charter, bub!

Double PS.  Belanger looks like he just wrapped up four loops of Golden Tee.

Triple PS.  Who’s taking this picture?  Is it possible to take a picture this bad with today’s technology?

Lowell #BIKESHITTY

Rodneyrita

Lowell Sun

LOWELL — The bikes lanes installed on Father Morissette Boulevard last year could soon be a thing of the past.

Mayor Rodney Elliott and City Councilor Rita Mercier have filed a motion for Tuesday’s meeting requesting that the council vote to revert Father Morissette back to four lanes of traffic and have the bike lanes removed.

The roadway was converted to one-lane traffic in each direction last year when bike lanes were added to the street.

Elliott said the lanes are a safety hazard for drivers and the reduction in traffic lanes to accommodate them hurts traffic. He also same he believes the lanes are underutilized.

“We have enough traffic congestion problems, we don’t need to create anymore,” Elliott said. “The intent should be to move vehicles in and out of the city.”

Last February, the City Council approved a $2 million loan order to allow the city to purchase more than 150 parking-meter kiosks and add more than 150 parking spaces, as well as some of the kiosks, on the street. Elliott was the lone vote against the loan order.

“Bikes are out. Cars are in. Mayor Piper, out!“

I hear you Rod. This Bike Lane bullshit is for nobody but hippies and drunks. F’ that noise! We don’t need it! The sooner we get back to funneling two lanes of traffic onto our one lane bridges, all will be right in the world. The sun will come out, RIMZ-U-LIKE will be back in business, we’ll be able to keep the high school downtown…wait, what?

PS.  Nobody hates bike lanes more than the old dudes.  Its as if the Doc flips some sort of switch during that first prostate exam that sets off an irrational tick the moment painted bike lanes appear.  They start hooting, hollering, and having legit heart attacks…which is why you see Grapes Mercier cosigning.

 

Look’et Roddy!

Look at him… the May-ah! He’s got to be the happiest guy in the league. Every picture he takes looks like he’s having a sexual experience. It really has been a pleasure (pun intended) watching this guy perform his duties. I hope he decides to run for Mayor again, because his ray of sunshine is intoxicating.

smiles4miles