Category Archives: General News

06.06.17
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Back Off in #Haiku June 2nd & 3rd 2017

[Please note: these poems are translated from phonecalls received and published by a newspaper with some dedicated reporters and some interesting readers. The translator is not responsible for whatever the original caller was trying to say].

Donnie says “pay up.”
That’s some good diplomacy.
Better than Capone.

Belvidere racist.
Only reason against Cawley.
It’s a pretty swamp.

Bank robbers don’t smile.
That’s the first thing they teach you.
Damn selfie addicts.

Courts should watch the news.
They’d see how right Donnie is.
Terrorists abound.

Donnie shoved a guy.
Like a halloween fat kid.
Teach him some manners.

Name all of the names.
Who is getting free health care?
Minds are enquiring.

Land without highways
Stealing companies from our town
This is a bad thing

Mercedes drivers
Keep riding free on MassHealth
All of them scammers

The Pope has a wall
Why can’t Donnie have a wall?
And a big white hat?

Eminent domain
Wrong on so many levels
I am against it

Nothing’s going right
Hamilton Canal a joke
Our schools are condemned

Empty streets all hours
There were crowds in the sixties
Vote all these bums out

Griffin went too far
What will other countries think?
Treat Donnie better

Simplify process
“Lowell High needs Principal”
Put that on Craig’s List

Car parked at night

Wrong side of road to nowhere

Fire trucks can’t zigzag

11.25.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. Nov 25, 2016

[Please note: these were translated from angry phonecalls which were transcribed by some poor bastard in the deep bowels of an old sweatshop. I performed these translations for close to two years before the redundancy of the task made me question many of the choices I’ve made in life. The process itself has enlightened me to the inner feelings and an awareness of the decrepitation process. I fear that soon I too, much like the callers, will be yearning for a day when I have a lawn so that I may yell at children to get off of it. This will never again be an every day thing, but sometimes pain helps to remind us. Happy Holidays.]

Stop crying you losers.
Donny won and time moves on
Never heard us whine.

Results cause sadness.
But solace comes from one source:
Trump won’t be my fault.

Medals of Freedom.
Given out like cheap candy.
Dignity comes soon.

Governor Baker:
“I’ll fight for sanctuaries.”
Voters move along.

I’m Republican.
Electoral College must go.
My Mass vote should count.

Learn English you punks.
You were born in this country.
No more excuses.

Donny’s little swamp.
His friends think it’s a hottub.
He’ll never drain it.

07.15.16
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Back Off in #Haiku, Friday July 12-15, 2016


[Please note: these poems are translated from phonecalls received and published by a newspaper Kerouac once covered sports for. The translator is not responsible for whatever the original caller was trying to say].

Young professionals.
Evicted by state college.
Not good for PR.

Lots of bad people.
Police protect us from them.
They don’t create them.

Tuition went up.
College is a lib’ral scam.
Overpaid hippies.

We need Joe Biden.
Lonely eyes need a savior.
Bleak choice churns stomachs.

Asians have accents.
We don’t need accents heeah.
We speak cleeahly.

Police aren’t perfect.
But overall they’re not bad.
Just do as you’re told.

UMass will eat us.
None of our houses are safe.
Tax exempt monster.

Hit-and-run driver.
Wiped out all of our mirrors.
Shit ton of bad luck.

Sell the town golf course.
Use that to help your children.
Stop socialized golf.

Fireworks are ignored.
Going off late into night.
Real easy to trace.

FBI was wrong.
Polls show we doubt what they found.
Called in twice myself.

Time clock company.
Must have gotten big tax breaks.
We should all punch out.

Transgender babies?
Let them learn how to walk first.
Figure that out later.

Enforce the gun laws.
Require ID for voting.
Get off of my lawn.

School breakfast program.
Kids shouldn’t eat at their desks.
Have bus use drive-thru.

Big dough not to work.
She was willing to stay on.
A town loses twice.

They do speak English.
Play dumb when need arises.
Hearts bleed for liars.

Donny knows trouble.
It comes from other countries.
Observant carrot.

Won’t attack mailman.
Need to protect welfare checks.
[direct deposit?]

Let’s all move forward.
Times will challenge all our wills.
But it’s just football.

03.11.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. March 10thish, 2016.

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

For way more haiku please buy the ebooks at http://www.Ratbas.com .]

Broken promises
Both parties give us nothing.
Trump won’t let us down.

Loud children must stop.
Get your brats under control.
Screams are unpleasant.

Let your children out.
Trapped in houses night and day.
No wonder they scream.

Over cliff of doom.
Into river of peril.
Clinton laughs watching.

Trump’s critics are blind.
All of them support Clinton.
Let’s skip primaries.

03.04.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. March 3rd & 4th 2016.

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

For more haiku please buy the ebooks at www.Ratbas.com . These now come out monthly for $2.99. The February book should be ready by Tuesday.]

20,000 fools.
Massholes who jumped left to right.
Voting for a joke.

Not a big Trump fan.
Just can’t deal with Hillary.
I think she’s Muslim.

Schools spend on execs.
Money needs to help the kids.
Corruption rampant.

Collect those taxes.
Deadbeat home owners all hoard.
Bleed ev’ry last rock.

Hillary’s email.
FBI should ignore it.
Pardon guaranteed.

Primaries went well.
Great signage all around schools.
Planning saved hassles.

Results proved me wrong.
Trump beat out Carson and Cruz.
My faith is restored.

Unemployment down.
I don’t really like the Dems.
But that’s a good stat.

02.24.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. Wednesday Feb 24, 2016

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ve cut back on the number of poems appearing here but there are plenty in the books. Books now come out monthly for $2.99 at http://www.Ratbas.com ]

Jailed for dog license.
Chelmsford’s really getting strict.
Don’t even live there.

Military school.
Not really military.
Trump exaggerates.

Pay some attention.
He skipped someone’s funeral.
Busy killing us.

Appointing judges.
Don’t change rules to help your side.
Keep them to help mine.

Rattlesnake Island.
Strikes me as really stupid.
Snakes can fuggin’ swim.

Governor Baker.
Totally okay with snakes.
Lost his goddamn mind.

Snakes go after dogs.
Sometimes they might bite people.
Sam Jackson is pissed.

Trump is a RINO.
Don’t trust Rubio either.
Vote for the damn snakes.

Clinton tends to lie.
Couldn’t care less ’bout gender.
Just don’t trust the bitch.

Stop teacher’s union.
Performance levels are low.
Results would be nice.

Massholes came up here.
Voted in our primaries.
That’s how Clinton won.

Voter ID laws.
Would have helped Bernie Sanders.
You still against them?

02.18.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. Feb 15-17th, 2016

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.
Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.Ratbas.com  ]

Monday 2/15/16

Not a New York fan.
No Sanders, Clinton or Trump.
Values are preferred.

Voters aren’t that dumb.
Hillary lost for a reason:
New Hampshire wants more.

People on welfare.
Treat them all like criminals.
That should save money.

I have some known facts.
But only I know these things.
Common sense, people.

Thought diversity.
Not allowed in colleges.
Won’t teach my beliefs.

Voting’s serious.
Meet candidates and read up.
Then actu’ly vote.

Don’t vote in anger.
Trump and Sanders sound like change.
Both are impotent.

Tuesday 2/16/16

Replacing the judge.
They want next guy to do it.
Pretty transparent.

Obstruction tactics.
All Republicans give us.
Denying progress.

Pipeline was explained.
Information is useful.
I’m against it now.

Walkers are fearless.
Dare to leave homes and cross streets.
Only outlaws walk.

Money can’t buy love.
Trump would love to be The Prez.
He found the loophole.

Wednesday 2/17/16

ObamaCare works.
Critics offer nothing else.
Dems saved us from Bush.

Can’t police the world.
Now we look like broke bullies.
Prez made things better.

Jobs left the country.
That will make more Trump voters.
Though he did the same.

“Top secret info.”
Owner of info decides.
Clinton can’t shift blame.

Pretty good debates.
Both Dems want to fix it all.
Prez denies problems.

Ash Wednesday quicky.
Nothing wrong with quick ashings.
Judge not you dumb jerk.

Trumpets will follow.
Even when his mind changes.
Hypnotized by hair.

02.11.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. Feb 8-11th, 2016.

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Bernie on gun laws.
Voted the way Vermont likes.
Job done properly.

Clearly homicide.
I could have told you all that.
Who needs evidence?

Better than Donny.
That’s all Clinton has to be.
Not a real challenge.

Enough with ISIS.
They’re just a talking point now.
Move on to issues.

Commie or felon.
Or vote for Republicans.
Plenty to pick from.

Offensive cartoon.
Families don’t watch that guy.
Put it on later.

It’s not racism.
At least not in all cases.
Folks have other flaws.

Drop some candidates.
Rubio and Cruz to start with.
Let’s narrow things down.

Is there still a draft?
Your poll question says there is.
Pretty sure it’s gone.

I like Valentine’s.
Cheapskates might whine about it.
Lonely folks can rot.

I enjoy romance.
Some say that makes me sexist.
Chivalry should live.

Marco Rubio.
Attack ads against third place?
Trump and Cruz suck too.

True conservatives.
It’s possible for one to win.
Ignore the mainstream.

Hillary’s email.
Bad guys might want to see it.
Should protect it more.

Small group runs this town.
They ignore what voters want.
Unite the county.

Hillary critics.
Witch hunters are on the Right.
Berners to the Left.

Nun fled scene of crash.
Why’s this story newsworthy?
Leave God’s girl alone.

Tuesday Feb 9

Days without power.
Then the telephone went dead.
Zombies coming soon.

Zombies on their way.
Phone company doesn’t care.
Need better service.

Not the worse problem.
Plenty of houses look bad.
Way worse than trailers.

Cops seem entitled.
I know I’m new to these parts.
That’s just how it feels.

Voting for gender?
Race didn’t work out too well.
Try the Jewish guy.

She’s a survivor.
All the “scandals” and attacks.
Give her that at least.

Teddy said something.
Luckily he mentioned Trump.
That’s why I heard him.

No pay for snow days.
Labor Ready won’t do it.
Nor should the high school.

Do the job you have.
Folks campaign and ignore work.
Shouldn’t be that way.

Chris Christie forgot.
Fat guys don’t do marathons.
Understandable.

Carly got shut down.
Stood a good chance for a sec.
Then money came in.

Hillary has balls.
Running with all her baggage.
Accomplished nothing.

Obama Part 2.
What Hillary claims she’ll be.
How’s that a good thing?

Assisted living.
They charge a thousand a week.
Double what I made.

Let’s stop heroin.
Border Patrol can’t do it.
Bring in the big guns.

Wednesday Feb 10

No good candidates.
They’re all crazy or evil.
Democrats will win.

Kasich ain’t that bad.
But no chance of him winning.
Vote the socialist.

Small town newsletter.
Selectman takes all credit.
Sun rose anyway.

Never fed horses.
Might not have been abusive.
But won’t win my vote.

Torture terrorists.
Keep them alive to do so.
Good use of money.

Snow thrown into street.
Makes for a big slushy mess.
Oughta be a law.

02.06.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. Feb 1-3, 2016

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Monday, Feb. 1, 2016

“Negro” ain’t allowed.
Made me switch to “black person.”
What’s wrong with “red man.”

Not President yet.
But he’s still taking control.
Trump blooms with brilliance.

She can get things done?
All she’s done is lose four men.
Not a good record.

Rita cheered for Trump.
All the endorsement he needs.
I vote based on cheers.

Hillary’s a crook.
Can’t let her back in that house.
She’ll steal more doorknobs.

My country has changed.
Immigrants won’t learn English.
School costs have risen.

My country has changed.
Recovery unlikely.
I pass in sadness.

School leaders made calls.
Reminding parents to meet.
How dare those bastards.

Tuesday, Feb. 2, 2016

Just men on school board.
Kim is running next April.
Balance draws closer.

Clinton’s email thing.
Two dozen were top secret.
Corruption is strong.

Isn’t just driving.
Don’t text while crossing the street.
OMMFG

Library worker.
Lost job she blamed for illness.
Now vindicated.

Movie ads are gone.
Another relic in dust.
Tell me what’s playing.

Don’t let Donny win.
If he does we know God died.
Prayers for His health.

Wednesday, Feb. 3, 2016

Pretty big college.
Buildings all over the place.
Not always a Ball.

Solutions are good.
Trump hasn’t offered any.
Leaders need those things.

I saw a movie.
It made Hillary look bad.
Vote for a lightweight.

Trump lost Iowa.
Spin will be adorable.
Insults will follow.

Canada looks nice.
Heading up there if Trump wins.
Help them build their wall.

Dirty politics.
Helped a store get a license.
Try not to shop there.

Hillary stands strong.
Despite all trumped up charges.
Track record proven.

Trump is immature.
Freaks out over nothing.
Spoiled and clueless.

Voting for Clinton.
Has electability.
Nobody else does.

Winter has been mild.
Will property taxes sink?
Saving on the plows.

Nobody blames dogs.
We blame lazy dog owners.
That shit is their job.

Replace dog catcher.
This one doesn’t have a clue.
They’re the one that bark.

Rest homes expensive.
Monthly payments keep rising.
Choose one carefully.

The Prez is racist.
Get him out of The White House.
Nosey SOB.

02.01.16
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Back Off in #Haiku. January 25th-29th, 2016.

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspapers in the general northeast corner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (USA). The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been.

Also I’ll be cutting back on the number of poems appearing here but there will be plenty in the books: http://www.amazon.com/Steve-Rat-Albert/e/B01AC1W0UY ]

Monday, Jan. 25, 2016

Most of us want oil.
Cheapest way to heat your house.
Town should hear us out.

Drivers do fifty.
Speed limit is thirty-five.
Walkers in danger.

Lawyers make money.
Don’t want us knowing how much.
Guessing it’s a lot.

Town promotes new school.
Quiet about new pot shop.
Selective bragging.

Teachers deserve more.
Before politicians do.
Few of them get bribes.

Chandler Jones smoked weed.
Will he get endorsement deals?
Kids should stick to beer.

European tour.
All that’s missing from Trump’s show.
Kids sang for Hitler.

Wall Street stock traders.
Last folks I’ll trust with my funds.
Nest eggs named “Humpty.”

I’ve voted both ways.
Regretted it several.
Time to toss or clean

Plaza parking lot.
Spots taken by non-shoppers.
Problem increases.

Clinton’s a quitter.
Stepped aside for Obama.
Things I remember.

Dems save us money.
Fewer wars and cheaper gas.
Palin’s brain froze.

Tuesday, Jan. 26, 2016

It’s an old-school school.
Solid bricks made it last long.
Perfectly good place.

Major turnover.
Nobody wants to work there.
Obvious reasons.

Jobless rate will rise.
Small shops can’t pay those wages.
We’ll get minimized.

Go back to college.
Only way to get a good job.
To pay for college.

Stop stereotypes.
Name and mascot have to go.
Racial slurs aren’t names.

Wednesday, 1/27/16

Bernie is too old.
He’ll likely die in office.
That outweighs the good.

Always been Redmen.
Ev’ry white guy on that team.
Says so on my coat.

Better team and coach.
That’s why the Patriots lost.
Time to just move on.

Prohibition failed.
Now anti-gun laws will too.
Just drunks will have guns.

System is corrupt.
So we need a game show host.
What founders wanted.

Trump will clean up house.
Bring back the Constitution.
Above corruption.

Kids gave up cellphones.
Part of a cancer rally.
This thing needs to spread.

ID laws work well.
Why we use them for liquor.
Prevent voter fraud.

Group mentality.
Always loses reasoning.
That’s how we got Trump.

Trump can’t deliver.
Just says what you want to hear.
He can’t shoot people.

Pay folks what they’re worth.
Some people aren’t worth that much.
Can’t buy thinking skills.

Been here a long time.
Going back generations.
Time for you to leave.

Won’t vote for gender.
Women can be corrupt too.
Integrity counts.

People quote one guy.
Then say “all Republicans.”
Why stereotype?

Opioid crisis.
Wasn’t bad in the Bush years.
Walls will keep them out.

Don’t blame prescriptions.
Those have been here all along.
Unlike brown people.

Foreclosures rising.
I think it’s the economy.
Democrats to blame.