Cool bro needed to break in a pair of Rainbows (TriBeCa)

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Cool bro needed to break in a pair of Rainbows (TriBeCa)
Looking to hire a brah to break in my new Rainbow flops. I don’t have time to do it and I need them broken in like yesterday cause my feet are totally soft from rockin’ my Tod’s driving mocs all winter. This isn’t just your normal everyday flip flop break-in job, I need you to imitate my whole deal so they’re like proper.
First off my gate, you’ve gotta walk like me to get these puppies to fit me right, think McConaughey meets the guy you wish you were who walks out of Citi Bank HQ on a casual Friday, picture a Patagonia fleece vest with a Brooks Bros. non-iron.
Second, you need to go places where I’ll wear ’em to get them used to the terrain. Tribeca Tap House, the Brandy Library, Tiny’s, the Frying Pan, and the Boat Basin. Don’t FUCKING bring these things to Brooklyn, I know you think the roof of Berry Park in Williams-balls is the boner, but it’s just for poor people who can’t afford 230 Fifth.
Outfit provided and pictured below, includes boot koozie in case you need something to help you jam harder to Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show. If you don’t know what that is then stay in Hoboken and keep watching MMA.
Send references of other footwear you’ve broken in, if you mention a Ralph Lauren shoe of any kind, especially Polo Sport I’ll know you went to SUNY or CUNY and you won’t be considered.
My old ‘bows are pictured here, they need to look like this by Belmont. Payment negotiable, but you need to be able to accept a credit card cause I want Starwood points for my Amex. Out.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

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I have very little to add here. Bow’s are the balls. I don’t buy the bows because they’re harder to break in than a pair of Bauers. Furthermore, I believe in Craigslist as a means of finding hard up people to do weird shit for you for short money. And if that’s not enough, as far as I’m concerned, Old Crow Medicine Show is the ONLY version of Wagon Wheel. I’d rather take a shovel to the face than hang out with this bro, but I respect his game.

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What are Lowellians Selling on Craigslist Today? (A house-load of optimism.)

clKILLER

Craigslist-Boston

Have 4 bedroom house with Parkin in front all done up inside have studio in back brings in 600 a month towards morgtatge real close to downtown Lowell Lowell is the next Cambridge with umass being division one school an buying everything an building and Lowell General doing same it’s most def good investment!!!

Sorry Teddy Panos, but we’re “the next Cambridge”, it says so right here on Craigslist.

Wow, and they call Chicago “The Windy City.” We’ve got: “The Next Cambridge.” “Umass D-1 an Buying everything an building.” ”Lowell General doing the same.” all in one clean and concise paragraph. Move over Corey Belanger, there’s a new purveyor of wicked awesome in town and he’s over on Pleasant Street spitting rhymes in his $600 a month “studio” (Yes, I called to confirm…music “studio”(mew-zak)), spreading the good word like the Mill City’s most devout profit. You may want to hold off on scraping off those bike lanes and moving that high school until you see this add removed from Craigslist. You never know who be “walkin” through that door next.

PS.  Hey Dick Howe Jr?  You have any stats on 54 Pleasant Street?  Because I think we’re about to break a record.

Langster, aka Commuting NIRVANA, aka Sexual Chocolate, aka bike – $629 (Winchester)

Sexual Chocolate

Craigslist

Traffic sucks, half the people on the bus are escaped lunatics, and the T is less reliable than the Italian postal service. How the hell does a sane person get anywhere in this city, anyhow?

Answer: they bike.

Bike? Is that really any faster?
Shitchyea, bitches. The results of years’ worth of time trials between Berklee (Back Bay) and Porter square reveal the minutes between point A and point I’ll-B-damned!
Driving=40 min.
MBTA=45 min.
Bike=18 min.

That’s over 3 hours a week you can use doing something else besides complaining about your commute. You could read, watch TV, make passionate love, complete your masterpiece, get a workout…oh wait, you already GOT your workout biking! So now you have even more time for masterpieces and lovemakin’.

Note: there’s no guarantee biking to work will increase your sex life, but a harder, fitter body with improved cardiovascular function can’t hurt.

Ok, SOLD, you say. I’ll bike to work. But how much is a good commuter bike?

The commuter bike by which all others are judged is the Langster, by Specialized. The cheapest you’ll find a new Langster for is upwards of $700, stock.

“But what about all the extras I’ll need?” you ask.
Yes. What about them.

The city is full of broken glass, nails, screws, syringes, and other pointy things to flatten your tires. FUCK THEM. This bike is equipped with a set of Armadillo tire liners that’ll roll right over the pointiest of pointies with nary a puncture. Yes, Virginia, I’m talkin’ BULLETPROOF TIRES.

And what about your gonads? Don’t they get squished? Not with a carbon-fiber-posted split seat, they don’t. This saddle will cradle your jewels from home to work and back again, so they’re in primo shape for all that lovemakin’.

Is it fast? I mean really fast? How do I know? Because I’m throwing in a Cat’s Eye bike computer that tells you time, distance, speed, average everything. For FREE.

That’s great, you say, I can go fast on a light, puncture-proof, ball-loving bike, but I still need to carry my stuff.
Don’t worry, baby, I know all about that, which is why you get a bike rack & pannier set to keep your manuscript/laptop/kilo of Columbian primo safe and dry.

And–AND–I’m including a tensioner that ensures your bike puts all your power to the tires, instead of sucking it up with a saggy chain. This marvelous item also doubles as a bottle-opener. But don’t get a BWI, that’s douchey.

Sounds great. But what if somebody steals it?
Fear not, sugarface, a Kryptonite shackle lock is included gratis. Ain’t nobody stealing your hunka burnin’ love.

So, if you’re man or woman enough to commute by bike, and by bike, I mean the finest piece of single-speed machinery, with computer, carbon post, split seat, pannier rack, Armadillos, and lock, then what are you waiting for? Slip this sturdy brown love machine between your legs and grind them pedals.

For $629, you can change your life. Don’t be the undecided fool who misses out.

Why am I selling? Because I live in the suburbs now and take the train to work, and that’s my writing time. There’s a lot I miss about biking, but it’s impossible to write. The letters come out all jiggly.

So if I understand correctly, straddling sexual chocolate here is going to yield a daily ride on the Lowell line, and a living situation that either doesn’t have the square footage to store this alleged magic carpet of vajay, or doesn’t leave enough cheddar in the wallet to transact that “Columbian Primo” that you’re going to be transporting.  No thanks, bruh!  I’m going to hold out for something less exotic.

What are Lowellians selling on Craigslist today?: Centraville Cliffs

craigslisy

Undeveloped Land 6000 sq ft Incredible view of Lowell MA – $59000 (240 1st Street Lowell MA)

For Sale:
240 1st Street Lowell MA (Lot #35 Lowell registry of deeds)
6000 sq ft of undeveloped land.
This lot has 50 feet of frontage on First Street.
Has a grand view of the city.
South facing slope, good for a solar project.

Contact Peter
978-256-6778 Home
339-221-1844 Cell

Contact Donald
978-876-6296 Cell

240 first street (google map) (yahoo map)

  • Location: 240 1st Street Lowell MA
  • do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

It’s hard to believe in a market that’s so starved for inventory that an opportunity like this could actually make it to Craigslist.  But that’s neither here nor there because for as little as 59,000 US Dollars, you can own an actual peace of heaven cliff in Centralville.  Sure, the plot in its current state is a patch of trees and invasive shrubs that’s sole purpose is to keep 01850’s stray trash from blowing across the river.  But with a little bit of imagination (and a significant amount of engineering), you can be Christian Hill’s version of Gatsby.  I see an entertainers dream home.  I see sunsets littered with smokestacks.  I see private access to the white sand beaches of Duck Island.  I see envious Belvideresmen gazing enviously at your opulent lifestyle from across the river.  Put it this way, If you’re still reading this at this point rather than being on the phone lighting up your agent for not bringing this opportunity to you sooner…you’re not worthy.

What are Lowellians selling on Craigslist today?

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i have 3 precious moments picture frames barely used very much like new. i need them picked up asap they are sitting around here im not using them just dont want them anymore. email only if serious interest to pick up. pick up only and cash only please.
· Location: lowell, ma

· it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests.

Hey, can you blame this person? Imagine having to walk past this thing every day, being reminded that you’re STILL waiting for a precious moment that you can capture for eternity. That’s a heavy cross to bear. Forget about the fact that this thing is built for 3 precious moments. It’s hard enough to just experience one.

So you’ll need to ask yourself if this is the type of person’s door you want to knock on? Do you want to be the guy that shows up with a crisp $10 bill and “all the precious moments you can handle?” I don’t want to be that guy. “Need Gone” to me means, “I’m fixing to lock you in my basement.” The expert’s opinion on this one is to hang on to your ten dollars. You’ll never know what’s lurking a few clicks away on Craigslist…like

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What are Lowellians selling on Craigslist today?

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*** Is your Last Name SOUSA ??? Check this out!! *** – $50 (Lowell)
Framed name history with family crest!! Nice frame with brand new glass!!

Beautiful framed Family Name History. Theis tells the origin of the name with an awesome detailed history of the name SOUSA.

Also in the frame, is the beautiful SOUSA Family Crest.

Stamp of authenticity on the family certificate!!!

Perfect for an office or displaying in your house!

$50.00
· Location: Lowell
· it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Is my last name, Sousa? No. Do I want to buy this? Absolutely. Look, everyone in the business knows that the Sousa family crest is the most prolific pawn in the forgery game. Getting your hands on a real one is all but impossible. Hell, I’d pay the $50 just for the letter of authenticity, and to be honest, I feel like I was meant to find this today. I feel like higher powers wanted me to find this and return it to the Sousa’s…where it belongs. Perhaps it will forever curry favor with Sousa’s everywhere. At the very least, it should earn me an invite to the Labor Day ruckus at Holy Ghost Park, no?

What are Lowellians selling on craigslist today?

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Vaseline Mens fragrance free body and face lotion – $2 (Lowell)

New Vaseline
mens fragrance free body and face lotion
20.3 fl oz plus a bonus 10 fl oz attached in back

asking $2.00 exact cash please
as I do not have change
first to come with cash gets item
– Location: Lowell
– it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Are you a tea leaf reader? Do you even know what tea leaves are? Well, when I want to know how the economy is doing, I don’t need market data, unemployment rates, imports or exports. What I want to know is how much is a quality bottle of male moisturizer going for on Craigslist. The answer? $2.00 (USD I assume.). Imagine that. Such a lofty ransome and you’re not even getting a scent for your trouble. A mere two months ago it was Jurgens and Lubriderm City for practically free. And if all you had was a twenty…”no problem, bruh!” Now we’re looking at Vaseline’s JV team and a “no-change” Nazi. Somebody get Bernanke out of bed, it’s time to raise the rates.