For the last decade, a man has been coming to a golf course in Norway in the mornings, dropping trou and pooping in the cups.
That sentence should invite a lot of questions.
Stavanger Golf Club has been dealing with the mystery pooper since 2005, and the club’s staff is convinced a man is behind the fecal graffiti for a simple reason.
“We know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” said groundskeeper Kenneth Tennfjord, who added that the man in question often leaves toilet paper to go along with the turds, according to the Rogalands Avis paper.
The person in question only poops in the cups on weekdays, never showing up on weekends. Presumably, he has better things to do then. The guy apparently used to bike to the parts of the course where he would do his business, with grounds staff noticing wheels marks in the dew, followed by foot prints to the cup.
At one point, the club thought putting flood flights around the mystery pooper’s favorite target would stop him. Wrong. The guy just found a way to turn off the lights and poop in the dark.
I can’t speak to the customs and golfing traditions of the country of Norway as I’ve never been there nor have I shared a beer with any real life Norwegians, let alone Norwegian golfers (or Norwegian poopers for that matter). Yes, the idea of hovering in gimme range and dropping your cargo in the cup seems strange to me. But what kind of guy would I be to judge another man for being particular about his bowel rituals. Aren’t we all? Sure, not everyone would want to complicate the matter with pin placements and break, but to each his own. As I understand it, there are 3 internationally recognized tenets of being a successful man: make money, get laid, and last but most importantly, get regular. More power to you if you can take care of all three at the golf course.
Btw, honorable mention here goes to the Norwegian investigators and their decade long manhunt:
“Whelp, it’s a big dump so it can’t be a women.”
“It can’t be Tiger Woods as he wouldn’t go the bathroom on the green unless there was a whore lying there. Definitely didn’t see any whore footprints.”
“Doesn’t come around on weekends…must be a family man, trying to avoid 6 hour rounds on the weekends.”
“The presence of toilet paper rules out all Mt Pleasant members.”
Splendid effort, fellas.