I have been around the world and back again. Yes, my Disney family vacation has come and gone and I am now depressed back in Amesbury with all of it’s non-magicalness. A trip like this one (where we surprised the kids to boot) is so wonderful and easy to praise. But that’s no fun to write about, so instead here’s my 10 Things I did not want to see/experience while partying with Mickey, Minnie, Mom and Dad.
10. Half-shirts. I struggle with this one because on some girls, a half shirt is just what the Doctor ordered. However, these girls are few and far between at Disney World a/k/a the Fattest Place on Earth. I know it’s hot lady, but your half-shirt window closed long before you pushed out your fourth kid and started eating ice cream after every meal. Please, loose tank tops are your friend and we all thank you. Not that I am perfect, let’s see # 9.
9. My legs, in April, in shorts. Why is my Irish ass surprised every year when the nice weather hits?
8. The price tag of any and everything. I get it, Disney costs money. But when the bill for your pizza and salad comes and it’s $200, well….let’s see # 7.
7. My own tears. Coincidently, the night I left Epcot in tears was the same night I discovered tequila flights in Mexico.
6. My family, after 24 hours a day of together-time. Even the most loving of families reaches a breaking point, right? Mine was when I accidently walked in on my Dad in the hotel bathroom, and I’m guessing my Mom’s was when I started crying at Epcot.
5. Fancy shoes. Really, the only thing one needs to pack for the Disney adventure is socks and sneakers. I tried like a fool to wear high heels one night when we went out to dinner. Rubbing prosecco on your blisters helps, but only if it’s $18 a glass.
4. Kids in hot tubs. Get the hell out of my hot tub! A dad let his 2 sons throw around a damn football in there on Wednesday night. That’s bad parenting right there.
3. Gift shops. After every ride, around every corner, there it is! The pin your child needs! The Cinderella crown your child needs! The bag of cotton candy your child needs! The batteries YOU need for your vibrator back home…..oh wait. Those I didn’t need right away I guess.
2. Hand holders. Another one I struggle with, am I jealous I am not in a hand holding type of relationship??? Nah, you guys are gross.
1. All the pictures my creepy husband took of Belle and Sleeping Beauty. More of the 2 of them than of the kids during their magical week. Oh well, I guess it’s better than taking pictures of the fatties in half-shirts….or trying to hold my hand.
Have a Magical Week!!!