Back Off in #Haiku. 4/20-4/26/15


Backtalk: 4/20/2015. Monday.

Attorney Gen’ral.
Always runs to Washington.
Enough with the gays.

Sarcastic teachers.
No need for that kinda shit.
Children are fragile.

Fast food jobs should suck.
They’re supposed to crush kid’s souls.
Not feed families.

He’s hiding something.
I mean if he’s innocent.
Not just a body.

Saturday Night Live.
Back in the Jane Curtin days.
I liked The Coneheads.

Proofreading is good.
Take Questions six and seven.
Should go after five.

Sound Off. Monday.

Self-checkouts preferred.
Robots never screw things up.
Also they’re nicer.

Blaming the parents.
Worst role models in decades.
Future is ruined.

Please move railroad ties.
The city owns a few trucks.
An unpleasant view.

Parents should wake up.
Board only wants more money.
Time to get involved.

Drugstores are private.
Can choose not to sell cancer.
Bad for their image.

Methadone helps ween.
Cities try to help people.
Addictions cost lives.

Potheads will be dicks.
But others will benefit.
Compassion needed.

Backtalk: 4/21/2015. Tuesday.

63 buildings?
Number of fires in Lowell?
Show me the ashes.

City scamming us.
Property overvalued.
Storefronts go empty.

Unions want a cut.
Your fifteen goes down to nine.
They’re evil like that.

Bike lanes all empty.
No one is riding in them.
We could fit more cars.

Stop feeding homeless.
That’s the only way they’ll leave.
Same deal with cancer.

Streets need more paving.
All my taxes should go there.
Leave your damn office.

Sound Off. Tuesday.

Female President?
Gender not a quality.
White guys can do this.

President is weak.
Will trade bomber boy for scum.
Liberal bullshit.

Can’t stand the Clinton’s.
Carpetbagging homewreckers.
Please find the sunset.

Yay Market Basket.
I have a giraffe button.
Wearing it with pride.

Couches ev’rywhere.
Haverhill streets lined with old junk.
The future is bleak.

Voting for gender.
Won’t even give us a chance.
We might have a plan.

Sound Off. Wednesday.

Biblical marriage.
Included polygamy.
In a sexist way.

Make immigrants work.
I work hard and pay taxes.
Country is in debt.

Toters save money?
Can you give us a time line?
Bullshit smells from far.

Time for spring cleaning.
Snowbank treasures visible.
A mayor’s duty.

Bomber boy lives large.
Free medical and housing.
I’m kind of jealous.

Backtalk. Thursday.

Abortions are fine.
Just don’t make me pay for it.
Where I draw the line.

Bring back Pooch Cafe.
Stop screwing with the funnies.
Unicorns can die.

Hate that unicorn.
You’d better bring back Baldo.
Don’t cave to whiners.

For Better or Worse.
Waited twenty years for that.
Some changes are good.

Red lights out of sync.
Commute made painfully long.
Horrible commute.

One button ends life.
Civilization all gone.
Technology’s fault.

Across the river.
Where the drive-in used to be.
Put the high school there.

Backtalk. 4/24/15. Friday.

Show us all the costs.
No selective disclosure.
Put it to a vote.

Help our own homeless.
We give too much foreign aid.
Our people need help.

Clean up the wetlands.
Litter makes Dracut look bad.
Makes me unhappy.

Comey is stupid.
Blamed Poland for Holocaust.
Just like Obama.

Sound Off. Saturday.

Winter trash in yards.
Take pride in your property.
Or just use inmates.

Obama hates vets.
Proven during the shutdown.
Only likes immigrants.

Experts on traffic.
Takes skill to make it this bad.
Haverhill tops them all.

Cruiser by red light.
Near Washington and Main Street.
They’ll bring in millions.

Students might be spies.
An education is one thing.
Don’t study too hard.

Bomber boy’s picture.
Will you please stop running that?
Image unwanted.

Bomber boy should die.
Simply based on finances.
Not enough prisons.

Backtalk. Saturday. 4/25/15

Little man carries.
Back breaking load increases.
Trash fee is too much.

Fewer polling spots.
Saves town three thousand dollars.
Costs us more in gas.

Don’t bitch about trash.
Grab a bag and pick some up.
Lead by example.

Arena Home Show.
Made me feel a bit cranky.
Long waits for nothing.



The Art of History, the History of Art: Visiting the Whistler House

Since I am suffering a bout of the creativity swine flu, here’s a repost of one of my favorite Lowell blogs.

Learning Lowell

James M Whistler Statue in Lowell MA James McNeil Whistler denied he was from Lowell later in his life. Maybe he just didn’t like the snow.

We got an email recently from one of our favorite active Lowellians, Jack Moynihan, wondering: had we ever written about the Whistler House Museum? With the exception of an early post about a Parker Lecture, somehow no, we haven’t!

So, thanks to Jack, we paid a special visit to the Whistler House with our blogging goggles on. It was an especially good refresher for me, because I haven’t visited since I started working for the National Park, and visitors often want to know what you can see at the Whistler House. Short answer: art with a local connection. The collection focuses on art representational art, and it is strongest in the 1800s and early 1900s. Almost the entire collection has a Lowell or New England connection: the art could be…

View original post 946 more words

Back Off in #Haiku. 4/13-4/18/15


[Please note: I haven’t explained the gimmick in a while for new readers. Here ya go: two newspapers along the Mass/NH border run columns consisting of transcribed calls from somewhat anonymous readers (The Lowell Sun actually publishes the voicemails on Soundcloud so you might be able to recognize somebody, or maybe it’s an impression). Anyway, I take the published versions of those calls and translate them into haiku. Sometimes they’re actually passable as real haiku. Sometimes. Enjoy.]

Backtalk: 4/13/2015

Money saved in life.
Death penalty appeals cost.
Throw away the key.

Tax cheat Al Sharpton.
Asking for even more laws.
Breaks the ones we have.

Kill the little prick.
Guilty on all thirty counts.
Only thing to do.

Elect new people.
I don’t like these ones at all.
People should step up.

Sound Off. Monday.

Hissing ain’t Christian.
It’s hateful and immature.
President was right.

Criticize Muslims.
They’re the one killing people.
President was wrong.

Prisoner got fat.
Gained almost two hundred pounds.
Give him just one meal.

Didn’t like the play.
Too raunchy for my liking.
Waste of my taxes.

Vegans like fake meat.
Why not just eat the real thing?
Seems crazy to me.

Let’s support progress.
I want pipelines and rail yards.
NIMBY’s can suck it.

Sound Off. Tuesday.

Lots of bad drivers.
Makes it hard to walk downtown.
Mostly young hoodlums.

Rich are taxed enough.
Much higher rate than us schmucks.
I wouldn’t want that.

Turn signals are nice.
People should learn to use them.
Offer some classes.

Bright yellow trash bags.
Sign of streets getting cleaner.
Pete Boisselle did that.

Sound Off. Wednesday.

Bomber has his youth.
Many years will come his way.
That’s too expensive.

Jobs done away with.
Self-service check out counters.
Please stop using them.

Like taste but not killing things.
Why they substitute.

Haverhill Clean Up Day.
Just need one hundred people.
River Park cleans quickly.

Plaistow filled with trash.
Used to be a pretty town.
Trucks, trash, and traffic.

In front of your house.
Will take you just ten minutes.
Earth begins at home.

The rich have too much.
Doesn’t matter what they pay.
Money is power.

Backtalk: 4/15/2015

Drivers are stupid.
Wiper law over their heads.
Make the cars smarter.

Tewksbury potholes.
Fill them or make obvious.
Fragile vehicles.

Horse lady step down.
No one buys your snow excuse.
Inhumane disgrace.

I fed my horses.
All through the record winter.
Select to step down.

She has other faults.
Way more than just horse neglect.
Let’s pile it all on.

Schools heat isn’t on.
Kids wearing jackets to class.
Cut costs somewhere else.

Sound Off. Thursday.

We bought Hill a van.
She’s worth a hundred million.
Strikes me as bullshit.

Big money backs Hill.
She won’t get big money out.
No one’s buying it.

Cut wasteful spending.
Don’t tax the rich any more.
Numbers have spoken.

Rich guys all left France.
Got tired of that high tax rate.
Now that country sucks.

Rich folks can just move.
Live anywhere that they please.
Leave taxes behind.

SSI’s a scam.
Just another Ponzi scheme.
Jail the government.

Backtalk: 4/16/2015. Thursday.

Hated her husband.
Don’t want her taking the job.
No more dynasties.

Horse lady helped out.
But she needs to just move on.
No excuse for that.

Meter enforcement.
Now includes eves and weekends.
Questionable call.

Comic strip got dropped.
How are these decisions made?
Nobody asked me.

Backtalk: 4/17/2015

Headlights and wipers.
There’s good reason for that law:
Only assholes don’t.

Hill attacks high pay.
Makes bank from public speaking.
More hypocrisy.

Handicap crackdown.
Burlington enforcing laws.
Tewksbury should too.

No competition.
Comcast has monopoly.
Choices would be nice.

Sound Off. Saturday.

Time to get a grip.
Clinton won’t take guns away.
Time for female Prez.

Drugstore won’t sell smokes.
Yet the town hands out hard drugs.
Absolute madness.

This is pure evil.
I need my damn cigarettes.
The Bible warned us.

Cars move with lights off.
Another law unenforced.
Dangerous assholes.

Granite State dieing.
Services cut while costs rise.
Burden to business.

SSI’s legit.
Not a scam since we all know.
Honesty is key.

Fat will not be cut.
An empty campaign promise.
No one thinks they’re fat.

Killer was stupid.
God made him a good player.
Greatness thrown away.

Backtalk: 4/18/2015. Saturday.

Wannabe martyr.
Bomber boy expected death.
Desires unfulfilled.

License plate stolen.
Has sentimental value.
No rest for “WICKENS.”
[Seriously, if you see it on your kid’s wall return it to the poor guy. 361 Littleton Road, Chelmsford].

All they do is lie.
Can’t trust them on anything.
Wake up ‘merica.

Back Off in #Haiku. 4/6-4/11/2015


Sound Off Monday 4/6/15

More black officers.
That should solve shooting problems.
Money’s no excuse.

Education helps.
Go to best place that takes you.
Some schools are better.

Fast food wages up.
Lock down social service costs.
Or it’s all for naught.

It’s not ’cause they’re gay.
No straight boys camp with my daughters.
I don’t want gay scouts.

Backtalk: 4/6/2015. Monday.

Plowmen and firemen.
No overtime for the brave?
Screw the metermaids.

Can’t get overtime.
Not if sick the day before.
That’s how it should be.

Hardly any gays.
Why do they dictate the laws?
Shouldn’t be that way.

Backtalk: 4/7/2015. Tuesday.

Just two candidates.
It ain’t about who’s behind them.
Just names on ballots.

National Grid rates.
How much is due to reports?
Nobody reads them.

Missing Mark Trail strip.
Replaced by a unicorn.
Don’t want to read that.

Big laws are useless.
Enforced laws are what’s needed.
Lefties don’t want that.

40 hour work week.
That’s what we have in real life.
No more overtime.

Sound Off. Wednesday. 4/8/15.

He’s was an adult.
He knew his actions were wrong.
Kids grow up so fast.

It’s just common sense.
I won’t just say the answer.
Clues left ungiven.

Drugs ruin baseball.
Also it moves too damn slow.
Fields all too diff’rent.

Turn your high beams off.
I can hardly see as is.
‘specially at night.

New headlights law sucks.
One more excuse to fine us.
Unjustified scam.

Backtalk: 4/8/2015. Wednesday.

Stop flaunting gayness.
We shouldn’t have these issues.
I don’t want to know.

Restraining order.
Police tell me to get one.
Doesn’t really help.

Obama should leave.
Faith in politics restored.
Cynicism’s root.

Backtalk: 4/9/2015. Thursday.

Mark Trail has returned.
It was a very long week.
I really missed him.

Clark Road needs paving.
Been that way for many years.
It’s like a washboard.

Isolate his ass.
Never see his family.
Make it a long life.

The Sun hates Easter.
Political correctness.
Subscribers betrayed.

Sound Off. 4/10/15. Friday.

Potholes full lane wide.
Highway entry kills all cars.
Winter’s damage done.

“I don’t use the cops.”
You’re clueless and full of shit.
Luck falls unnoticed.

Principals won’t stay.
Board difficult to deal with.
High school ugliness.

Bomber was 19.
Talk of youth seems relevant.
Only play they have.

Let’s make snake noises.
Whenever the Prez talks faith.
Christian thing to do.

Backtalk: 4/10/2015. Friday.

Death to the bomber.
Not paying for his defense.
Nor should our children.

Busses back downtown.
Increase business potential.
Way more coffeeshops.

Should have fed horses.
Only takes a few minutes.
Step down from office.

Backtalk: Saturday. 4/11/2015

Wants of the union.
Teachers silence says something.
Make it all public.

Hostage swapping.
Prez trades bomber later on.
Don’t trust government.

Bomber gets three meals.
Should have gotten one bullet.
Those are much cheaper.

Snowing in April.
Global warming is a scam.
All the proof I need.

Didn’t feed horses.
Said neighbor’s out to get her.
Neglect is neglect.

Nothing but babysitting.
Children are stupid.

Mark Trail back in print.
Thank-you for bringing him back.
Missed more than fam’ly.

Chelmsford is D.C.
Corruption on ev’ry street.
Barndoors are open.

No apologies.
Those mean nothing anymore.
Do your damn job right.

Sound Off. Saturday, 4/11/15.

Smart kids to good schools.
All kids should try good schools.
Helping their future.

Tax the One Percent.
Or nothing will trickle down.
This worked in Europe.

Ev’ry street a dragway.
Dangerous to get my mail.
Awareness required.

Don’t blame the mayor.
None of the council give a shit.
Haverhill falling down.

Unions back campaigns.
But companies can’t do that?
Totally unfair.


Back Off in #Haiku. 3/30-4/4/15


Sound Off. Monday.

Police families.
Receiving special treatment.
Strikes me as unfair.

Do your damn homework.
Obama’s the extremist.
Not Senator Cruz.

Age is not wisdom.
Seniors have their own concerns.
Might not be what’s best.

Let us vote again.
We’ll reject casino twice.
Will that settle it?

Two million dollars.
For just two years of your life?
Better than service.

Science in bagging.
Distribute heavy items.
Eggs and bread on top.

Backtalk: 3/30/2015

Billerica High School.
Convert to senior housing.
Kids should move out soon.

We’re all immigrants.
Ruining the neighborhoods.
Only tribes are true.

I want to pay less.
This will mean less services.
Not seen anyway.

Sound Off. Tuesday.

Rockingham race track.
Most valuable land in state.
More strip malls soon here.

Out to destroy us?
Prez can’t seem to do that right.
Keeps improving things.

Ted Cruz resume.
Looks impressive to most folks.
And he’s a Cuban.

Cruz has supporters.
People who applaud in crowds.
Peer pressure voters.

Backtalk: 4/1/2015. Wednesday.

Eastern Orthodox.
Consideration needed.
Teach educators.

Way too powerful.
One union for schools statewide.
Could shut us all down.

Greek Independence.
Good coverage by the Sun staff.

Backtalk: 4/2/2015. Thursday.

24 hour shifts.
Creates too much overtime.
Limit it to ten.

Lowell High Theater.
Beauty and the Beast was nice.
Good work all around.

No level budget.
Not really in that guy’s hands.
Dreams fall to nothing.

Sound Off. Thursday.

No laws in Haverhill.
People can park wherever.
I hate all of you.

Credit where it’s due.
Bush fought AIDS in Africa.
Now give Prez credit.

He’s an extremist.
He’s a commie terrorist.
Real bad President.

That was Bush’s team.
Guys that took out bin Laden.
No credit for Prez.

Backtalk: 4/3/2015. Friday.

Friday’s not that good.
Kindergarten sign up day?
Cath’lics are busy.

Overtime comes late.
It means “over 40 hours.”
Straight time under that.

Part time firefighters.
Use them to skip overtime.
Works for school teachers.

We’re not that corrupt.
Plenty of countries are worse.
We’re getting there though.

Teamsters losing strength.
Thinking of quitting my job.
Just to leave union.

Sound Off Friday.

Traffic in Groveland.
People speeding by the church.
Years pass by quickly.

Can’t pick relatives.
No choice in your upbringing.
President knows this.

Commie President?
It all makes perfect sense now.
If you’re paranoid.

College is pricey.
Pick one in your price bracket.
They’d love to have you.

Backtalk: 4/4/2015. Saturday.

Three sick days a year.
That’s all anybody needs.
Firemen are crooked.

Mark Trail comic strip.
Abandoned mid storyline.
Now we’ll never know.

Proper behavior.
Nothing more than a handshake.
Biden should know this.

Good Samaritans?
What if there’s a DNR?
Don’t want to get sued.

Sound Off Saturday.

Dog poop everywhere.
Lazy owners leave messes.
Hunt those bastards down.

Have no sympathy.
Pay your tolls and added fines.
Or just swim to work.

They’re not tolerant.
Tolerate intolerance?
Can’t tolerate that.

Patriotic kids.
Standing up against PC.
’bout time someone did.

Easter was explained.
It’s virtues discussed in full.
Glad that got printed.

Speak English or leave.
That’s how it is everywhere.
I need curtain rods.

Population growing.
Yet schools are shutting down.
Classes too crowded.