Back Off in #Haiku. March 23-28. 2015


Backtalk: 3/23/2015

Cops are always right.
Don’t break the law and you’re fine.
Media is wrong.

Defamation suit.
Three million bucks for his rep?
Not worth close to that.

One more business closed.
Hoping they’ll reopen soon.
Give them ink and love.

Didn’t call Netty.
Called Super Bowl champions.
Netty’s win mattered.

Billerica wants trade.
Making a call to Groton.
Switching idiots.

Dam Albuquerque.
Google in on what they have.
Pillows and plywood.

Sound Off. Monday.

We’re not all stupid.
Watching old cop shows makes me smart.
Wiki the Flynn Effect.

Take care of your own.
Can’t say I love our allies.
Enough with Israel.

Schools without teachers.
State of the art won’t mean much.
Improve the contracts.

We sign that man’s check.
Tell The Prez he works for us.
Not Iranians.

Backtalk: 3/24/2015

Billerica High School.
Cider Mill site might be good.
No need to rush it.

Defamation suit.
“Magnificent Ambersons.”
Flick with nice ending.

Open space is gone.
Replaced by ugly building.
Shenanigans etched.

Sound Off. Tuesday.

Need tank for commute.
Potholes outnumber drivers.
Winter has moved on.

Retire Congressmen.
Twelve years decent reign.
Move on with your life.

Lower their pensions.
Cut their benefits in half.
House has it too good.

Ban all lobbying.
Corruption is not legal.
They need to go now.

Campaign donations.
Limit five hundred dollars.
Includes companies.

Unions are a scam.
Part of Lib’ral Agenda.
Don’t care ’bout workers.

Lib’ral Zuckerberg.
Demanding more immigrants.
Gets them from The Prez.

Zuck drives down wages.
Prez sends kids to Ferguson.
Unions in lockstep.

Keep teaching cursive.
Needed in the job market.
Contracts will be signed.

Smart folks join unions.
No reason for them not to.
Incompetents weeded.

Backtalk: 3/25/2015

Conservative map:
Kenya is in Hawaii.
Canada’s a state.

JFK Plaza.
Was once Little Canada.
A statue would be nice.

Selectman Dixon.
Fairly quiet on issues.
Trying to save job.

I don’t like Ted Cruz.
Probably won’t vote for him.
Just isn’t for me.

Sound Off. Wednesday.

Fill potholes with sand.
Salt-free in a burlap bag.
Inmates can do it.

Cops can fill potholes.
Driving around anyway.
Sounds like common sense.

Common enemies.
What unites us with Israel.
Love and support them.

Use death penalty.
It’s not for ev’rybody.
Just for real bad guys.

Leave Ted Cruz alone.
Racial tension not his fault.
Obama to blame.

Ban leadership PAC’s.
Especially Hillary’s.
Save America.

Congress moves slowly.
They protect their interests.
Benefits enjoyed.

One way trip to Mars.
Bunch of rock heads jumped on board.
They probably read.

Backtalk: 3/26/2015

Ethics Commission.
They said Phil did nothing wrong.
Move on with your lives.

New senior center.
Lights are on all day and night.
Hope it opens soon.

High wind knock barrels.
Trash flies in all directions.
Await the morning.

Construction season.
Butler School project starts soon?
Waiting anxiously.

Sound Off. Thursday.

Won’t come to senses.
President incapable.
Kerry even worse.

Does more harm than good.
Cruz might love America.
Hugs puppy to death.

The Prez gets a ‘C.’
Cruz and Putin both flunk out.
Enough black-and-white.

Letter unnoticed.
Big uproar over Iran’s.
Prez got same letter.

Rates remain higher.
We were told it was just winter.
Winter came and went.

Addictions are bad.
People shouldn’t pick them up.
Lives become ruined.

Backtalk: 3/27/2015

UML hockey.
Screwed by NC double A.
Midwest unneeded.

Obama spending.
Debt increased to eighteen tril.
Your winter comes soon.

Unions brought in late.
Deval’s way to screw Baker.
Financial burden.

Hillary’s email.
Really truly bothers me.
Was her biggest fan.

Sound Off. Friday.

Prez doesn’t read this.
You complaints won’t reach target.
Visit The White House

Heat down in winter.
AC lower in summer.
Find middle ground.

Ted Cruz will save us.
Obama’s the extremist.
No harm from shut down.

Life is challenging.
There are no simple answers.
Lobbying is speech.

Term limits won’t help.
Experience should be valued.
House full of rookies.

Backtalk: 3/28/2015

Keep it where it is.
Lowell High belongs downtown.
Nothing is broken.

Not much media.
But The Sun covered our vets.
Thank-you for coming.

Execute Bergdahl.
We would have in the old days.
Punish deserters.

Five entire decades.
George’s Delicatessen.
Quality endures.

This guy HATES the Back Page


Boston Globe

What recourse does a musician have if he feels he’s been mistreated by a club owner? Social media, of course. Singer-songwriter Matt Stubbs was so upset about the treatment of his band at The Backpage in Lowell the other night that he vented on Facebook, calling owner Bob Ramirez’s behavior rude, insulting, and condescending. “In 17 years of performing music I have never had to stop a gig half way thru the night,” wrote the roots rocker, who also plays guitar in the Charlie Musselwhite Band. “The treatment my band received from the owner of the Backpage last night finally forced me to do so.” The lengthy post was “liked” by over 225 people and shared over 150 times. Stubbs was particularly angry about Ramirez’s alleged demand that the band play a two-hour and 15-minute set — without a break. Ramirez didn’t respond to a phone call or e-mail Monday. “Some words were exchanged and I decided that out of respect for myself and the guys in my band I was done,” Stubbs wrote. “I paid my band out of pocket costing me hundreds of dollars and a wasted night for all of us.” Reached on the phone Monday, Stubbs said he posted on Facebook because he wasn’t allowed to tell the crowd why he stopped playing. “Nobody knew why it ended. I went to make an announcement, but [Ramirez] unplugged the mike and turned the house music up to 10 so no one could hear.”

Ahhh…the ole’ talent vs. club owner fued…a story as old as time itself. It’s hard to take sides in these matters, but thanks to Facebook and the Boston Globe, that’s exactly what we’re asked to do.
On one side, you’ve got the undoubtedly thin skinned guitarist who’s being a total baby about his contractual break time. How do I know he’s being a baby?…because he’s a professional musician. The whole point of all those hours of practice is to become rich and famous. And when that doesn’t work out, you’re still afforded the opportunity to spend weekends in small clubs, earning some pocket change, drinking for free, and melting faces of dudes that are high on Flomax.


make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

No bosses.

The other big tell here would be the 1,000 word facebook post. Like come’on bro, this isn’t the New York Times OpEd. It’s facebook…give us a paragraph at most about how much the BackPage sucks and add a picture that captures the essence so I don’t actually have to read your nonsense. Also not helping his case are: Continue reading

Congrats to the Lowell Portuguese Bakery for becoming THE greatest spot on the planet for baked goods.


Lowell Sun

LOWELL — Lowell Portuguese Bakery has been temporarily closed due to an infestation of mice, according to the city’s health inspector.

The bakery, located at 930 Gorham St., was closed March 11.

The mice were seen during a state health inspection, after which the city sent an inspector and saw evidence of mice as well, Lowell Senior Health Inspector David Ouellette said.

“They saw a couple of dead ones and there was evidence of droppings everywhere,” Ouellette said.

The bakery can reopen once it is cleaned up and passes a new health inspection.

“They have to completely clean up the place and set up an extermination program,” Ouellette said. “Once they get an extermination program in place, they can get reinspected by both agencies and that would allow them to open back up.”

You bring me goods from a bakery that doesn’t have any mice, and I’m just going windmill dunk it into the trash right in your face. Who’s a more qualified baked goods critic than a mouse? So when you got every mouse in the city lining up at your door for a taste, you know it’s the bomb. The mice don’t lie. I don’t care if you’re hawking award winning Cronuts to blocks and blocks of tourists, if you’ve got no mice, your product sucks.

God bless my Witty Friends on Facebook 


I feel bad for folks that aren’t on Facebook on days like today.  They’ll never know what it is like to start your day with 300 posts of clever observational comedy…like snap shots of their backyard snowscape with a witty comments, “Can’t believe spring is here…not!” Or “Love this snowy spring weather…SAID NOBODY EVER!”  These people are the super unleaded that makes Facebook go.  I can’t imagine getting through the day without it.  


Back Off in #Haiku. March 16-21, 2015.


[Please note: If you go back far enough you’ll find the disclaimer. Believe me, it’s back there somewhere. It’ll explain everything.]

Backtalk: 3/16/2015. Monday.

Chelmsford schools dirty.
Cleaning them is important.
Not overtime pay.

Don’t need Home Depot.
That’s a sign of urban sprawl.
Billerica’s better.

Obama don’t care.
No outrage over ambush.
Didn’t say a word.

Shootings in Lowell.
Olympic chances grow slim.
Peaceful towns only.

Recall vote needed.
Only way to remove Doc.
Daleks all agree.

Charging student’s toys.
Another waste of taxes.
A line should be drawn.

Happy Saint Patty’s.
Guinness and corned beef for all.
Fifty shades of green.

Sound Off, Monday.

Religious high schools.
My parents sent me to one.
Let Muslims do same.

Frivolous lawsuit.
Thrown out by clear thinking judge.
Defense wasted funds.

Fancy looking urns.
For folks fake as their mantel.
Just bury the thing.

“Right to Work” bullshit.
Gives cheapskates what we fought for.
Causing all to lose.

Sound Off. Wednesday.

Governor Walker.
Throwback to Great Depression.
Unions are needed.

Not a good watchdog.
Running around causing fear.
Sky remains above.

Pride in heritage.
Why President likes Kenya.
Like I like Europe.

You can hate Israel.
That don’t make you an asshole.
They do some dumb things.

Ted Cruz is crazy.
Setting babies all aflame.
He’s your candidate?

I’m really sorry.
Police shouldn’t need tin cans.
I voted for more.

Backtalk: 3/18/2015

Big tax increases.
Take away your simpler pleasures.
No more Dunk’s for you.

I’m not a stupid.
You’re the stupid head dummy.
You can leave this town.

SSI issues.
Nobody pays attention.
Fraud becomes easy.

Dracut’s a farm town.
No need to get all fancy.
We might have two farms.

College basketball.
Hard to enjoy in these parts.
Got no prelim sites.

Why gays gotta march?
Parades honorees hate them.
Pretty confusing.

Sound Off, Thursday

They’re Federalists.
What New Harmpshire Rep’s are now.
Lincoln spins in grave.

Prison sex change guy.
An old man who killed his wife.
Not with my money.

Kill all the dealers.
Then we’ll spend less on treatment.
That will dry things up.

Religious freedom.
Founding principal of ours.
Let’s keep that going.

Clinton’s email safe?
Like Benghazi was all safe?
Let’s yell ‘Benghazi.’

Ted Cruz not flaming.
He’s a Patriot of God.
He shows kids his hose.

Backtalk: 3/19/2015

“Preservation land.”
Seems like a simple concept.
That guy’s a moron.

Jeb Bush used Gmail.
As Governor of Disney.
Total hypocrite.

Cop saved a kid’s life.
Tell Ferguson about that.
Their cops don’t do that.

Thaw reveals treasures.
Canine presents from the storms.
Could be prettier.

Backtalk: 3/20/2015

Baker just started.
Deval left a real big mess.
He’s gonna need time.

Saint Patrick’s Dinner.
Had mine at Korner Kitchen.
Best I ever had.

Don’t quit your day job.
None of you bastards are good.
Bored out of my skull.

Listen to voters.
We want you to lose that guy.
It’s simply what’s best.

Louis Farrakhan.
President of the US?
When did that happen?

Sound Off Saturday.

Smart wild and stupid.
What I know about new grads.
My job is secure.

Low cost of living.
In states with Right to Work laws.
Get the whole story.

The Prez loves Muslims.
Though they want us all to die.
Educate yourself.

Cruz finished on kids.
But press only showed you parts.
We all applauded.

Demolition vids.
Demolisher not mentioned.
Was it Ax or Smash?

Police news stories.
Always mention races first.
Cops portrayed poorly.

Backtalk: 3/21/2015

Paperboys and girls.
Brave fighters of harsh winter.

Don’t muffle voters.
We demand transparency.
We gave you your jobs.

This goes out to my friend Phil.
He knows what he did.

Watching basketball.
President is just lazy.
Run the damn country.

Back Off in #Haiku. March 9-14, 2015.


Sound Off. Monday.

Deer eating your shrubs?
Cover them up with burlap.
Urine is useless.

Trains or Olympics?
Choosing where to spend money.
A flame dies quickly.

Leash law looks lacking.
Andover animals amped.
We want waste wemoved.

Timberlane district.
Some towns don’t carry their weight.
Decade long dispute.

Good cops and bad cops.
Only bad cops make the news.
I met a nice one.

Marathon bomber.
Rewarded with health and meals.
Starve him out slowly.

Backtalk: 3/9 Monday.

Billerica lighting.
Won’t attract any business.
Minimal return.

Stuck in my driveway.
Even the cops just pick up speed.
Westford disappoints.

Millions on appeals.
Marathon bomber should rot.
Save us the trials.

Blaming dead brother.
Already thrown under bus.
Quite literally.

Cop could have saved geese.
Too busy on his cellphone.
What about the geese?

Global warming hah!
We got a real bad winter.
Explain that to me.

Backtalk: 3/10/2015

Exact change only.
Couple paid my fair for me.
Saved me ten dollars.

Israel is our friend.
Surrounded by evil foes.
US aid needed.

ISIS ninjas fake.
Not really that religious.
“Holy” wars don’t help.

MBTA guys.
Are they getting their raises?
I really hope not.

Not much of a raise.
Less than twenty bucks a month.
That’s my SSI.

Sound Off. Wednesday.

Outsourcing detox.
Makes us a destination.
Addicts are dirty.

Dems cronyism.
Benefits Deval Patrick.
Stupid Olympics.

Some drivers don’t suck.
Patient for joggers and bikes.
That’s all we’re asking.

Mayor raised taxes.
Now claims he’s trying to help.
His brain ain’t plugged in.

Texting and driving.
That makes you a bad parent.
Turn off your airbags.

Right-to-work law hurts.
Unions needed for safety.
Also fair wages

Backtalk 03/12/15

Deval Olympics.
Sucked at being Governor.
This won’t go too well.

Olympic money.
Lots of overpaid people.
Makes me suspicious.

Laughing at locals.
The Sun isn’t really news.
Funny in sad ways.

Bogslide Massacre.
British troop killed protesters.
That’s Bloody Sunday.

Chelmsford clearing fields.
More snow coming this weekend.
Wasteful overtime.

Sound Off. Thursday. 3/12/15.

Low voter turnout.
Incredible anger felt.
Because they’ll still bitch.

Deval’s deficit.
Over two billion dollars.
He’s an advisor?

Claiming “private funds.”
But leaving the door open.
Let’s slam it on them.

Dog poop ev’rywhere.
Country club sidewalks covered.

Addiction treatment.
New facilities on Main.
They’re all criminals.

Addicts from elsewhere.
Descending on our city.
Tidal wave of crime.

Backtalk: Friday the 13th.

Left turn forever.
We sat through four light cycles.
Treble and Route 4.

Stop your foot dragging.
Make Tiano decision.
A job must be done.

Hillary’s critics.
Finding fault with ev’rything.
She’s a candidate.

Darkness in the morn.
Life dictated by two hands.
Wait for April’s sun.

Boston Olympics.
Political patronage.
Nothing surprising.

Backtalk: 3/14/2015

Just a bunch of clowns.
And they can’t even juggle.
Sad little circus.

Won’t stand together.
Bush Junior and Obama.
Just an illusion.

Former Governor.
Makes almost eight grand a day?
That’s some real good pay.

I could use eight grand.
Think I’ll run for Governor.
Get to see the world.

Competent whites not hired.
Blame affirmative action.
No one cries ‘race card.’

Olympics no good.
High salaries prove the scam.
Good luck to you guys.

Leave school where it is.
Enough with all the whiners.
Where the kids belong.

Hundred dollars more.
Household budgets stretched too thin.
Reject the project.

Burning neighborhoods.
Problems remain afterward.
They do that for fun.

Monuments rising.
Discus thrower choked by rings.
“Olympic Failure.”

Sound Off. Saturday.

47 guys.
Absolutely got it right.
Never trust Iran.

School bus ran a light.
Putting kid’s lives in danger.
Should be more careful.

Letter insulting.
The blood is not on our hands.
Motives still unclear.

Muslims won’t melt in.
US founded on our ideals.
Accept or move on.

Poor traffic designs.
Now adding boats to the mix.
Captain needs a beer.


Back Off in #Haiku. March 1-7th, 2015


Backtalk: 3/2/2015 (Monday)

Cops want your emails.
Their radios soon scrambled.

Pat paid for portrait.
Mayor Murphy’s money spent.
Rodney rules the roost.

Dispatchers not paid.
Should reprimand the chief.
Don’t just pay out claims.

Six million dollars.
Not just for antique lighting.
Helluva lot more.

Cry for privacy.
After posting ev’ry thought.
Stop being Cartman.

I think you’re stupid.
Plus you’re kind of ignorant.
My contribution.

Sound Off, Monday March 2nd.

Jeb Bush ain’t that bad.
Who cares if he once smoked pot?
He’s moved on from that.

Not a hypocrite.
People change as they grow old.
We call it “learning.”

Methuen taxes.
Counc’lors promised not to raise.
Hope they stick to that.

“Christian Germany.”
Equate terror with Islam?
That could go both ways.

I’m changing my vote.
Not because of reflection.
Just to piss you off.

Some roofs have collapsed.
Media thinks they all will.
Not all that common.

Paul Newman was great.
Nice talented gentleman.
Wicked generous.

Sound Off. Tuesday. 3-3-15.

April vacation.
Sacrifice to the snow gods.
Can’t learn in July.

Time for some waivers.
Number of days don’t matter.
Learning is the thing.

You can leave some snow.
Focus on where there’s parking.
The rest will melt soon.

Bill O’Reilly lied.
Not too surprised about that.
Kind of a big mouth.

Al Gore won’t make much.
Carbon tax goes to the feds.
Exxon makes trillions.

Backtalk: 3/3/2015

Equal rights wasteful.
Gays want medical treatment.
Not with my taxes.

Don’t fill positions.
Wait till after the merger.
What needs to be done.

Ted K turned his back.
Supported the immigrants.
Neglected workers.

Mailbox in the snow.
Much easier than shov’ling
That’s my suggestion.

“Taxes are too high.”
This was the freshmen platform.
That didn’t last long.

Sound Off Wednesday. 3/4/fifteen.

Now voting to spend.
Ran on a saving platform.
Money still ain’t there.

Methuen vote change.
Now supporting stadium.
‘No’ used to mean ‘no.’

High expectations.
Stadium won’t bring in much.
Money falls through holes.

New Muslim High School.
Coming here to North Andover.
Wishing them the best.

Not in my backyard.
We don’t need no Muslim school.
Too many questions.

Timberlane teams suck.
Why are we paying stipends?
Damn kids always lose.

Insult changed your vote?
Are you fugging kidding me?
Please just move away.

Backtalk: 3/4/2015 (Wednesday)

Sell the old firehouse.
Could make a profit on it.
Might need some fix up.

Modern treatment plant.
Fancy pipes for the whole darn town.
Then they’ll respect us.

The Prez hates us all.
Wake up and you might see that.
Pay some attention.

Texting while driving.
Punish same as drunk driving.
What I’d like to see.

Deport criminals.
Can’t afford their company.
Too luxurious.

Allard’s Grove Dracut.
Snow policy keeps rents down.
Trying to help out.

In my seventies.
The future is for the young.
Let them pay for it.

Sound Off. Thursday. 3/5/15

Follow the money
It all goes to the Muslims.
Left wing charities.

Ronnie was the same.
They called him an appeaser.
ISIS ain’t Hitler.

Methuen bullies.
So glad the bastards all lost.
Off the agenda.

Real folks own Exxon.
Part of our 401k’s.
I’m not that evil.

Riverside Park Trail.
Clean up appreciated.
There was lots of snow.

Backtalk: 3/5/2015. Thurs.

I liked that letter.
It was clear and well written.
Really dig that shit.

Peter Lucas yo.
Hit the nail dead on center.
Vote Netanyahu.

Chelmsford school lunch.
Now serving pizza from Sal’s.
How is that allowed?

Islam appeasement.
Didn’t work with the Nazis.
World War Three is near.

Obama to blame.
Armageddon falls on him.
Appeasement will fail.

Mister Tiano,
Where have your Duke boys gone to?
Hazardous karma.

Backtalk: 3/6/2015. Friday.

Groton town meeting.
Gonna be funny as hell.
Get the popcorn popped.

Nancy Pelosi.
Rude and mean and just not nice.
She should show respect.

Baker and Goodell.
They’re probably related.
Kind of look alike.

A fee to pay fees.
Makes sense only to cities.
No one else does that.

Blind spots on corners.
Snowbanks melting too slowly.
Send them somewhere else.

Priorities off.
Septic systems still the norm.
Can’t make that pretty.

Not that sensible.
Don’t let Iran have the bomb.
Intentions well known.

Sound Off. Friday. 3~6~15

Deer in the backyard.
Nibbling on our shrubbery.
Destructive nuisance.

Can’t wait till he’s gone.
He’d bend over for Hitler.
The country is wrecked.

ISIS and Shia.
They don’t really get along.
It’s complicated.

Jamie found money.
Says he don’t know where it’s from.
Came from our pockets.

Someone found my keys.
Gave them to an officer.
Happy reunion.

Life is not harsher.
Plea bargains for life prove that.
I hear they get meals.

Kill all drug dealers.
It’s the reasonable choice.
Current laws too weak.

Sound Off. Saturday. 3-7-15.

Al Gore won’t make squat.
Deniers still benefit.
Fuel is big money.

Stop forced labeling.
Nothing wrong with GMOs.
Ignore the bloggers.

Jeb Bush ain’t that bad.
His brother was much much worse.
Complete hypocrite.

Bush did lots of coke.
Claimed he was just a dumb kid.
Tried kids as adults.

Reopen the spring.
Haffner’s will be leaving soon.
I’d like to see that.

Taxes increasing.
Solicitors will still knock.
Stadium hated.

Islamists are bad.
300 million folks killed.
While Obama golfs.

Methuen wussed out.
Caved in to the brainless mob.
Leaders are unknown.

Methuen roads plowed.
Right down to the bare pavement.
Got to work just fine.