Back Off In #Haiku. 11/7/14.

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Backtalk:

New Chelmsford sidewalk.
DPW did great.
Very much needed.

Cultural exchange.
Lowell got German teachers.
That was really cool.

The country is strong.
Unemployment down and all.
How’d those d-bags win?

Chelmsford school board.
Totally outa control.
Change starts with the leaves.

Billerica State Rep
Leaves his name on truck year round.
Elections are gone.

Sound Off

Fat guy stabbed someone.
Why is his weight important?
Was it a steak knife?

Baker cuts taxes.
But only for the wealthy.
Poor right shot their feet.

Coakly sore loser.
The worst since Al freakin’ Gore.
[Six year amnesia]

Everett Casino.
Site loaded with pollutants.
Massholes can keep it.

Scott Brown and LePage?
Good luck to Maine in ’16.
Hearts go out to you.

People hate The Prez.
That’s what this election proved.
Reverse the damage.

Andover voting.
Polls opened at 6 a.m.
Much appreciated.

Fishing regs are good.
Not a big fan of Big Gov.
But fishers are dumb.

Take those damn signs down.
No one wants to see Brown’s face.
Part of why he lost.

Folks don’t vote for signs.
In fact we vote against them.
Beggars don’t get laid.

Back Off in #Haiku. 11/6/14.

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Backtalk:

Martha Coakley lost.
Guess we won’t see her again.
I’m okay with that.

Light up all the stacks.
Make this city look awesome.
Only trees we need.

Bill’rica Circle.
We could have fixed that by now.
Dumb voters said ‘no.’

Bring Your Kid to Work.
But leave him home when you get fired.
Moulton should know that.

Chelmsford school issues.
Committee learns to budget.
A little late now.

Dracut trash pick-up.
Now fully automated.
Chelmsford should get that.

Sound Off

Three-week quarantine.
Not what CDC wanted.
Maine nurse should be free.

Political signs.
You can take that shit down now.
Try to recycle.

Just stay positive.
No point in whining ’bout stuff.
Won’t help you at all.

Hard to find the booth.
No signs for new polling spots.
Salem hates old folks.

Texting and driving.
I hate when people do that.
Same with run red lights.

Back Off in #Haiku. 11/4/14

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Backtalk:

Mayor don’t matter.
Sorry about Menino.
But stop wasting ink.

UML hockey.
Winter version of Spinners.
Fun cheap fam’ly night.

5th grade football team.
Tewksbury undefeated.
Role models for all.

Maine’s Ebola nurse.
No respect for hysteria.
What a selfish bitch.

Sound Off

Plowers want a raise.
Buried hydrants and broke stuff.
No reward is earned.

New Hampshire Bruins.
Was really gonna happen.
City shot it down.

Maine Ebola nurse.
Very inconsiderate.
Most nurses don’t suck.

Heroin O.D.
Proof that we need to ban pot.
Just take some Advil.

Timberlane School Board
Green has a bad attitude.
Always butting heads.

Rename Boston’s bridge.
From “Zakim” to “Menino.”
Or another one.

Voting against calls.
The more a party calls me.
The more it costs them.

Ariana Grande spits in the eye of romance, and the entire City of Lowell

arianatim

Gawker.com

Lil’ Miss Ponytail Ariana Grande has an, ahem, enthusiastic fan from Massachusetts: a 29-year-old man named Tim Normandin. Tim sent Ariana a 42.5-pound pumpkin for Halloween. Ariana sent Tim the cops.
According to TMZ, “police in Lowell, MA paid a visit to the home of 29-year-old Tim Normandin after Ariana’s record label complained the guy was sending Ariana a slew of packages.” The list of gifts shows that Tim has no problem clearing out the frickin’ mall—in addition to the pumpkin, he’s sent:

• Eight (8) Yankee candles
• a 3-piece mirror set from Kmart
• a $200 anklet from Kay Jewelers
• a rock from the White Mountains of New Hampshire
• AND
• an unspecified number of dog and cat calendars

Cops told Tim that he’ll face criminal harassment charges if he doesn’t stop sending Ari all this crap. Tim says he’s not gonna stop sending her all this crap.

Hey Ariana Grande, how about showing a little appreciation for the gesture?  Out of all the guys in Lowell that could bestow gifts upon you, you got the most romantic dude among us.   Yankee Candles, 45 pound pumpkins, non-edible jewelry from Kay Jewelers…what an embarrassment of riches.  The #2 ranked “most romantic guy in the city” is my buddy Dunny, and he makes his wife bring, and carry her own cooler when they go on dinner dates to Browns.

So let’s tap the brakes on the whole calling the cops thing and maybe acknowledge the effort.  If not for the reputation of young Timmy Normandin, how about doing it the little elves that stuff all that magic into the Balsam & Cedar and Mulling Spices tumblers, out at the Yankee Candle Factory.  Or the exhausted guy at FedEx that had to lug that dumb f’n pumpkin across the country just so you could let it rot on the door step.  Or the greatest jewelry salesman ever to walk this planet over at Kay Jewelers that must have sold his soul to convince a guy to buy the first “anklet” since Service Merchandise folded their tent.    As far I am concerned, your rejection of Timmy is a rejection of us all, and I won’t stand for it.  Fahhhhk You!

You’re Awesome

 

 

 

 

awesome

 

Rodney...belanger.

Sent: Sun 11/02/2014 8:48 AM

To: corey@wickedawesome.com

Cc: 

Subject: Last Night

 

What’up CB,

 

Didn’t get a chance to huddle last night, but awesome job…or should I say…”Wicked Awesome” job.  We’re inside a year until go time.  Being subtle is for pussies.  Let’s rock and roll. 

 

Warmest Regards,

 

Hot Rod

 

 PS> For my introductions going forward, we can probably start adding in the laser lights, dry ice, and references to my supreme leadership.

 

(Credit: Lowell Sun, Lowell Live Feed, Muriel Parseghian)

 

Back Off in #Haiku. 11/1/14.

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Backtalk:

Kids struck by Bahou.
Clearly deserved to get hit.
Maybe now they’ll learn.

Drunk cops get away.
Why can’t we all just drive drunk?
Fairness is lacking.

Triple A votes ‘no.”
Want gas taxes to go up.
Road repairs are cheap.

Cop with D.U.I.
Gets to walk away freely.
Don’t give him a car.

Mayor Menino.
Loss felt well beyond Boston.
Beautiful person.

Mayor Menino.
Best guy Boston ever had.
Knew the neighborhoods.

Light up all the stacks.
Sure it’s tacky and wasteful.
But we’d be the first.

Chelmsford school issues.
Needless position funded.
By dropping two jobs.