Lil’ Miss Ponytail Ariana Grande has an, ahem, enthusiastic fan from Massachusetts: a 29-year-old man named Tim Normandin. Tim sent Ariana a 42.5-pound pumpkin for Halloween. Ariana sent Tim the cops.
According to TMZ, “police in Lowell, MA paid a visit to the home of 29-year-old Tim Normandin after Ariana’s record label complained the guy was sending Ariana a slew of packages.” The list of gifts shows that Tim has no problem clearing out the frickin’ mall—in addition to the pumpkin, he’s sent:
• Eight (8) Yankee candles
• a 3-piece mirror set from Kmart
• a $200 anklet from Kay Jewelers
• a rock from the White Mountains of New Hampshire
• an unspecified number of dog and cat calendars
Cops told Tim that he’ll face criminal harassment charges if he doesn’t stop sending Ari all this crap. Tim says he’s not gonna stop sending her all this crap.
Hey Ariana Grande, how about showing a little appreciation for the gesture? Out of all the guys in Lowell that could bestow gifts upon you, you got the most romantic dude among us. Yankee Candles, 45 pound pumpkins, non-edible jewelry from Kay Jewelers…what an embarrassment of riches. The #2 ranked “most romantic guy in the city” is my buddy Dunny, and he makes his wife bring, and carry her own cooler when they go on dinner dates to Browns.
So let’s tap the brakes on the whole calling the cops thing and maybe acknowledge the effort. If not for the reputation of young Timmy Normandin, how about doing it the little elves that stuff all that magic into the Balsam & Cedar and Mulling Spices tumblers, out at the Yankee Candle Factory. Or the exhausted guy at FedEx that had to lug that dumb f’n pumpkin across the country just so you could let it rot on the door step. Or the greatest jewelry salesman ever to walk this planet over at Kay Jewelers that must have sold his soul to convince a guy to buy the first “anklet” since Service Merchandise folded their tent. As far I am concerned, your rejection of Timmy is a rejection of us all, and I won’t stand for it. Fahhhhk You!