Back Off in #Haiku. 10/22/14.


[Please note: the above image does not contain a translation from either paper. I thought for sure I’d be able to use it, but all of the callers have disappointed me. It is however a translation of something Scott Brown said.]


Taxpayers boycott.
No more money for Chelmsford.
We want Arty T.

Don’t elect judges.
Just makes more politicians.
Species unwanted.

Ground war on ISIS
The only way to win there.
Nip it in the bud.

Mayor Elliot.
Insisting we need more cops.
Too many details.

Sound Off

Rep. DiZoglio.
Crying about attack ads.
PACs unconnected.

Trampling Timberland school board.
Nancy needs to go.

Money devalued.
Inflation only growing.
Cancels gas price drops.

Right wing campaign ads.
Need to mention illegals.
Bunch of other shit.

Ebola panic.
Bush spent tons of dough on war.
Not much on borders.

No carpetbagger.
Brown is a multistate man.
Just like you and me.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/21/14.



Gas prices will rise.
Doubling on November 5th.
The left runs Big Oil.

Chelmsford grows poorer.
Let them beg for old pennies.
Stand at Peasants Pain.

Billerica council.
Newbs asking what people want.
Rightfully dope slapped.

Enough donut jokes.
Cops deserve better than that.
Hypocritic hack.

Elderly crosswalk.
Shouldn’t be at top of hill.
Both sides clearly blind.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/20/14.



Meter ripped me off.
Overcharged and gave short change.
Drive further to walk.

Fox News simplistic.
Ev’rything is black and white.
And they don’t like black.

Gas prices get votes.
Then they friggin skyrocket.
Ballots aren’t coupons.

Endorsements ain’t shit.
I don’t care who your friends are.
That’s not why I vote.

Mayor Elliot.
Represents Lowell proudly.
Pelham’s fav’rite son.

Sound Off

Suck it up Plaistow.
Without Haverhill you’re nothing.
Strip mall cork sniffers.

Ebola spreading.
Obamacare cover that?
[pretty sure it does]

Ebola invades.
I’m moving to an island.
No diseases there.

Spanish teacher’s pay:
Fifty thousand annual.
Should just use Google.

Hired his wife to teach Spanish.
Not really needed.

Transgender taxes.
Illegals taking my guns.
November come soon.

All vote party line.
No matter what the issue.
Piddling on our rights.

“One Percent” ain’t thieves.
They work harder than you do.
You lazy bastards.

The Last Good Pumpkin Fest

Keene NH PumpkinFest 2013 (Frank Zappa, City of T…: 

I went to the Keene Pumpkin Festival last year. It really wasn’t what I was expecting, outside of the thousands of pumpkins part. I was kind of expecting that. But for some reason I was expecting a truly painful foodfight. That didn’t happen. Instead I got a ferris wheel, reasonable souvenir prices, a nice crowd, and helpful cops. When the count was done all of the pumpkins that weren’t claimed were thrown into dumpsters for that purpose by a couple hundred volunteers. What went wrong this year? Was it the Free Staters? Had the pumpkins fermented? Was it that Mercury Retrograde thing? Probably.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/18/14



Police eat donuts.
Ignore all the jaywalkers.
Wah wah bitch bitch bitch.

Dracut school buses.
Officials ignore long rides.
Yellow sardine cans.

Mental health issues.
Mike Dukakis tried to help.
Insufficient beds.

Brady Mom favored.
Thinks it’s all on-job training.
Truth might lie elsewhere.

Sound Off

Haverhill’s gone down hill.
Rude drivers and real bad smells.
Higher taxes don’t help.

Blaming Obama?
The world you want costs money.
Blame those who hoard it.

Pastors in Texas.
Having their sermons censored.
The Prez hates Jesus.

Yay Hobby Lobby.
For protecting our freedoms.
Companies have faith.

Dems hate the workers.
They’re all about welfare now.
Poor folks are lazy.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/17/14.



Four-wheeler stolen.
The toy kind out in Townsend.
Call cops with all leads.

Massholes flying north.
New Hampshire so much cheaper.
Longer commute though.

Violence ev’rywhere.
We’re surrounded by chaos.
Apocalypse now.

We should have more guns.
That should cut back on stabbings.
Fist fights hurt my hands.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/16/14.


[I understand sometimes it can be hard to catch when I’m making fun of something and when the original post actually says something better than I can with just seventeen syllables. I think this might be one of those days where you’ll want to check the source materials, Backtalk in the Lowell Sun and Sound Off in the Lawrence Eagle Tribune. Normally though I sum things up pretty well. Enjoy.]


Obama takes guns.
Gives us Ebola instead.
Tinfoil hat unstrapped.

Baker likes sick time.
But not for small businesses.
Sneeze in my omelette.

Too many detours.
Ten minutes added to commute.
Someone’s gonna pay.

Murphy’s replacement.
18th Middlesex District.
Needs to malleable.

Corey Belanger.
Got us 17 million.
Now fix the damn bridge.

Sound Off

Learn to speak Spanish.
Or stay out of bodegas.
eso tan difícil?

Plaistow train station.
We voted no already.
Keep the Massholes out.

Malone did her job.
Superintendents get bucks.
Don’t need accolades.

Birth control costs.
WalMart and Hobby Lobby.
Better than you think.

The right hates workers.
They’ll never help you at all.
Stop voting for them.

Gen’ral Lafayette.
Gave us freedom from England.
Keep his statue clean.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/14/14.



School Committee Board.
Stepping stone for bigger things.
The water is high.

Decay takes a while.
Old buildings crumble slowly.
Surprising no one.

Professional sports.
Quickly growing more corrupt.
Ad revenue score.

Workforce not doubled.
Hannaford just gave more hours.
Long days died quickly.

Expensive planning.
No crosswalks are included.
Knowledge overruled.

Pollies don’t make jobs.
But promise them frequently.
The debt still remains.

Sidewalk is clean now.
My dogs appreciate this.
Small dogs lost in weeds.

Prez visits students.
Never visits veterans.
All Presidents do.

Back Off in #Haiku. 10/13/14.



Sidewalk bicyclists.
Scaring away foot traffic.
Rita please save us.

Chelmsford school layoffs.
Money went to grief counselors.
A bunch of babies.

Supportive stalker.
Let me know my tire was flat.
She followed me home.

Rep. Colleen Garry.
Got us the Tyngsboro Bridge.
The Rourke is due now.

  The Sun’s editor:
   Garry doesn’t rep Lowell.
   Can’t help with the Rourke.

Sound Off

Public meetings planned.
Complainers never attend.
Bitch and moan after.

Small raise for working.
Taxes go up just as fast.
Property owns me.

Low electric rates.
What they offer on the phone.
Prob’ly a scam.

Praise Doctor Malone.
Did a lot for MCAS scores.
Went unrecognized.

Spanish-speaking help.
Just don’t belong in New Hampsire.
Milkshake unpurchased.