NOLA.com

A shark bit a Lakeview boy swimming with his family in Lake Pontchartrain Friday afternoon. The attack happened off of Southshore Harbor.

Shelly Trentacosta said her family had borrowed a friend’s sailboat and ventured out into the lake. With conditions calm and the water clear, it was a much better day for swimming than sailing, so the boaters decided to anchor up and take a dip.

Everyone was enjoying the cool lake water and having a good time, including Trentacosta’s 7-year-old son, Trent.

“The kids were bunched up together playing, and Trent just started screaming,” Trentacosta said. “We started swimming to him, and I didn’t know what was going on. I grabbed his leg, and there was a lot of blood.”

Oh, your kid went swimming and got eaten? Yeah, no shit. It’s Shark Week, bub. Nobody that finds their limbs useful should be anywhere water. Oceans, Swimming pools, slip’n slides, the Shedd Park Splash Pad… ¡Es Prohibido Nadar! Get out of the water dummy! It’s Lollapalooza for sharks every August, and without fail, there will be at least a dozen stories from dumb founded people that learned the hard way that it’s not a good idea to chum the water with Little Leaguers during Shark Week.

Also, I am passionately routing for Mitchell Chevalier to be eaten:

Many boaters are unaware there are sharks in Lake Pontchartain, but at certain times of the year, there are plenty, according to Mitchell Chevalier, who tags sharks for the University of New Orleans and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. That includes bull sharks, which are among the world’s man-eaters.

After being told of the attack on young Trent, Chevalier wondered if it was something other than a shark.

“Garfish are laid-back creatures, but if one was swimming by and his foot accidentally touched the nose of the gar, it might have snapped at him as a reaction,” Chevalier said.

His skepticism was rooted in the fact that most of the bigger sharks are out of Lake Pontchartrain at this time of year.

“Generally, your big female bull sharks aren’t in the lake right now. They’ve already moved in, pupped out and left,” Chevalier said. “Now granted, there are still 6-footers in the lake, but I’m speechless that one might have bitten somebody.”

No dude, I’m speechless. Garfish are laid back creatures? That’s a pretty broad generalization for something that’s swimming with 6 foot Bull sharks…in the f’n bayou of all places. I like to imagine that these guys with the over-the-top, casual nonchalance towards things that eat people…taste the best.