Backtalk in Haiku, 7/24/14


Day 11. I know this because I’ve taken a button off my uniform and have been using it to make marks on a cinderblock wall. Those old audio files I mentioned a few days back are now on Backtalk’s official page.

I hear some of the people who used to buy groceries at Market Basket have moved onto WalMart. Hannaford I can understand. But WalMart? What is wrong with you?

Anyway, here you go…

Sacrifices not martyrs.
Martyrs have purpose.

Nashoba Tech locked.
I want my tennis courts now!
I’m not a tax cheat!

Young people begging.
Standing in intersections.
Oughta be a law.

Deval owns mountains.
Just send the Mexikids there.
We can’t afford them.

The Pres forgets stuff.
Said the feds will pay for kids.
Tax payers are feds.

Detail Officers.
Getting the big ol’ paycheck.
Ain’t doin’ their job.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/23/14.


Day 10. The old farts loitering at McDonald’s in the morning have a pretty good sense of humor about things and still get enough exercise from dope-slapping each other. Topics include whether to mow the lawn before a storm, the practical application of goats and whether or not a non-union workforce can go on strike. I like these guys. I wish they’d call in. Just to say ‘hi.’

Backtalk: 7/23/2014

Support the workers.
I’m afraid to shop there now.
The board makes me sick.

Art-T gone is bad.
Dropping guys there 30 years?
That’s just fuckin’ lame.

Bring back ATD.
He’s a man of the people.
Hoping for the best.

Screw corporate greed.
Workers deal with tons of shit.
You carry a purse.

Art-T’s a good guy.
Done a lot for this city.
We’re standing by him.

How much does it cost the tax payer to man the @MassGov Twitter Feed?
How much does it cost to the tax payer to man the Mass.Gov Twitter Feed? It doesn’t matter how much it costs, because the information that they are raining on my twitter feed is fantastic.  “Don’t stand next to a tractor during a thunderstorm”…duly  noted, sir!  Ever since their little “Sexual Assualt is avoidable” snafu, it’s been nothing but fastballs with no movement..right down the heart of the plate.

I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring just in the event that the maestro of @massgov account needs a vacation fill-in.

I’ll start it out slow with this one:

GravityI’ll follow up that captivating tweet with a helpful one for all you romantics:

sunsetThis next tweet would be categorized under “sanitation” and “plumbing infrastructure.”

fiberNow that I have you’re attention, I’m going to let the masses know that we here at the @Massgov twitter department have learned from our mistakes and are better equipped to manage the nuances and  sensitivity of discussing sexual assault in under 140 characters:

rapeThis summer is approaching half time, time to put down the remote and enjoy all the outdoor recreation that this great state has to offer:

bathtub  There’s a lot of anxious kids heading off to summer camp worrying about whether or not they’ll be able to make new friends:

fartKeeping with the social theme, let’s work on becoming more responsible as consumers:

weedAnd if the folks in the State Human Resources department haven’t escorted me out of the building yet:




Backtalk in Haiku. 7/22/14


Day 9. Once again only three entries. I checked the hardcopy at the library. Same deal. All three entries are pretty reasonable concerns about the Market Basket workers’ protest (guess you can only call it a strike if there’s a union involved). Where are the cranks? Why aren’t they calling? I… I need them. Here you go. See previous entries for the disclaimer. This just isn’t the same.

Market Basket fam.
Prob’bly gonna just sell out.
Slimy greedy jerks.

They should unionize.
That’s what will wake up the board.
Do it for Arty.

Purity Supreme.
Died off when the workers fought.
We’re all gonna starve.

Sorry Market Basket Employees, you can’t steal Crazy Legs’ spotlight.

Let’s get one thing straight, if there’s anyone who can steal the attention away from Arty T and the Demoulas cult, it’s Crazy Legs. The Folk Festival is upon us, and that can only mean one thing…trying to not get sucked into the vortex of the tippy-toed, rhythmic wonder that is Crazy Legs. He’s 8th wonder of the world. The first guy since Swayze that can impregnate you with the twitch of a hip. This is his week.

Only 4 more sleeps until Folk Festival.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/21/14


Day 8. Only three? And I think one of these might be a rerun. Is there usually more in the hardcopy? I’ll have to go to the library to find out. But yeah, no punchlines have been added etc.

Money ain’t worth much.
We’re printing too much of it.
Government is scum.
-Parts Unknown

Immigrant children.
Can go four months without school.
Stay at Deval’s house.

Buy your own damn pills.
Nothing to do with my faith.
Just keep your pants on.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/19/14


Day 7. There are nail clippings on the floor (not mine. Can’t tell if finger or toe). I could write about that instead. Remember the brick exercise from ‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’? Maybe tomorrow. Here’s today’s batch of folks who would be using Disqus if it wasn’t being tracked directly by Obama. Again, no punchlines have been added. Check the original wording if you don’t believe me:

Pipelines aren’t that bad.
We’ve had lots of them before.
Animals love them.

D.O.T. workers.
Get free uninspected cars.
Tax payers get screwed.

Taxes will go up.
Thanks to illegal children.
It’s a state issue.

Generations change.
I really hate the new one.
Tattoos are ugly.

Poor students should pay.
Want free meals and cheap parking.
They should work that off.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/18/14.


Day 6. My Theories about the Backtalkers were thrown off yesterday when an audio file of some actual calls from an unspecified period of time was brought to my attention. Before hearing it I was beginning to suspect that most of the callers were men at or approaching middle age with no ex-girlfriend to call at strange hours. Instead what I heard were messages from men and women. Messages much longer than the ones that eventually get published. My heart goes out to those responsible for listening to these semi-organized diatribes and then finding the nuggets of a point. I suppose I should stop seeing myself as a translator as it’s become clear that most of that work has already been done for me. For now though I’ll keep the title for the sake of simplicity. Consider that title my way of saying that no punchlines have been added. Another thing I learned from the audio files: the callers are sincere. And they’re coming from inside the house.

Immigrant children.
Gov. can keep them at his place.
Then send their butts back.

Texting and driving.
Young shit-head ran into me.
We need unmarked cars.

Bush and Katrina:
Wasn’t ALLOWED to place troops.
Their Gov should have asked.

Immigration bill.
Republicans and Democrats.
See things diff’rently.

Call them what they are.
They’re “illegal immigrants.”
Not  “minors” or “kids.”

Another tree down.
Varnum Ave and West Meadow.
It’ll kill someone.