A lifetime of information in 7:05 of internet time.

Count me as one of the guys that has said “If I could only go back in time with the knowledge and experience that I have now.” Well, that was before I saw this video. Not since UPS built a two year add campaign on the shoulders of a guy with a hockey mullethas anyone captivated me more in front of a white board. Just amazing stuff.

PS. Just keep in mind, in order for all these zones to work, we’re going to need a few gentleman to operate solely in the “No-Go” Zone. It’s not a graph or chart rule, it’s a rule of nature. So if you’re hanging out in the Fun-Zone and you’re not quite feeling it, there’s nothing wrong with you. We’re just going to need you to put on a helmet and be brave.

Double PS. I agree with him on “Tiffany’s.” They’re all crazy.

Triple PS. Hairdressers are supposed to be crazy. That’s what makes dropping north of $20 for a haircut worth it.

Backtalk vs. Sound Off in Haiku. 7/31/14.

Screen shot 2014-07-31 at 8.11.07 AM

Day 2 of Lowell vs Lawrence and the DeMoulas family wins with 7 out of 9, each team playing an “I can’t drive” but with Lawrence clearly pulling ahead in the pro-board category (all five of Law Town’s entries are MB-related) and Lowell grabbing a left-turn in the form of supporting local farmers. Overall though between the towns Lawrence pulls out another clear victory. Not quite as decisive as yesterday’s win, but unquestionable nonetheless.


I’m going local.
Hannaford imports their meat.
I hate shopping now.

I don’t have a car.
Cabs to the store are pricey.
MB was next door.

Lombardo, you suck.
Talking about kids like that?
You’re embarrassing.

Greed’s killing FolkFest.
Why do they charge for parking?
That’s less dough to shops.

Sound Off

MB Board does squat.
The WalMart shelves are now bare.
The Board must grow up.

Family issues.
Customers will not be fooled.
Prices will go up.

MB cheap and near.
DeMoulas fam hurts us all.
Bury the hatchet.

Management choices.
Not as easy as you think.
Where is Art T. now?

MB customers:
Let the fam’ly keep fighting.
Just ignore the strike.

V-Mart Coming Friday!!!

Lost in all of the MB news is the arrival tomorrow of what is sure to be a worthy challenger to the DeMoulas throne. For those who don’t want to spend another dime at Cantafford’s, I present to you…


Look at THIS! Stocked shelves with no crowds!


And more!


All this opens Friday August 1st on Church St between the carry-out only Pizza Hut and Space For Rent. If you’d like to camp out before they open there’s plenty of tent space still available on their fully-covered sidewalk. And don’t forget the coin-operated seal.


Never mind, I just tried the seal and it ripped me off. But other than that everything looks like a go. Good luck!

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/30/14.


Day… I don’t know. The button I was making slash marks with wore out.

I feel like the Lawrence Eagle-Tribune cranks are a little more dedicated. They actually started crying ‘Hitler’ and ‘Taliban’ in defense of Gordon College. That’s an adorable level of cranky. Come on Dunstable and Chelmsford! Step it up! Yesterday you gave me literally nothing to work with and you weren’t much better today. Show me some of that work ethic you like to brag about. Tell me Obama is secretly behind the Market Basket situation in a sinister plot to make you ride bikes to Trader Joe’s to buy vegan salsa made with BenGhanza beans. Please?

MB’s low prices.
Result of honest workers.
Good boss means less theft.

City GPS.
Fast life-saving responses.
Bill’rica’s too cheap.

Let Kaz move buildings.
Fix it up for city use..
Give him his land back.

Sound Off In Haiku. 7/30/14.


Hey look! The Lawrence paper has this stuff too!

Art T/George Bailey.
Both left a hole that was felt.
Really the same guy.

Protest ain’t helping.
If shelves were full I’d be there.
Farmers getting hurt.

Boss back but you lose bennies.
Just like Obama.

Gordon College thing.
Just leave us Christians alone.
You’re all like Hitler.

Obama must go.
He keeps breaking all the laws.
Nobody likes him.

American Sunrise

Screen shot 2014-07-30 at 7.30.18 AM

So The Sun didn’t give me anything to work with yesterday for the Backtalk in Haiku bit. I increased their hit count to probably double of what it normally is checking for it, probably their dark, evil sinister plan all along. Or maybe the usual callers were too busy yelling at tree limbs to get off their lawn. Anyway, to make up for it, here’s 15 minutes of people taking selfies. Enjoy.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/28/14.


Day 14. No cranks today. Police get credit for something nice, a couple of other folks have reasonable concerns. Nothing about immigration. Consequently my side of this equation is kind of lame today. Sorry.

Cop cheated on test.
And nobody saw it?
Sad way to retire.

Police escort crew.
For the Mike Sokolowski ride.
Can’t thank you enough.

RMV hates me.
Gave plates to an angry clerk.
She never marked it.

Market Basket vote.
Sun outed Arty T’s foes.
That was pretty cool.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/26/14.


Day 13. Evolution moves quickly. The disclaimer is gone but still valid. These intros are getting longer. I’m still sitting by a campfire in Maine drinking a Vermont beer, thinking about the Folk Festival without folk music back near the Mass/New Hampshire border and remembering the bike rides I did in Rhode Island last week while trying to figure out how I’m going to work Connecticut into all this. Yup, I’m a true New Englander. I can name all six states. There’s talk of California and Texas splitting up into smaller states. Maybe it’s time for New England to become a mega state, like those construction trucks that joined forces in the Transformers cartoon. That’d be awesome. Here’s some haiku for you.

Art T’s alleged crimes.
Ain’t shit compared to these guys.
Can’t invest in that.

MB employees.
Always give chart topping service.
I like Artie T.

40-year shopper.
I can’t afford Hannaford.
Bring back Artie T.

BJ’s full-page ad.
Smart move with the MB stuff.
Artie S. take note.

Employees will lose.
Hurt feelings and distrust last.
No one wins in war.

Art S. hates us all.
Time to get our sweet revenge.
Buy gum with plastic.

Backtalk in Haiku, 7/25/14


Day 12. Got a letter from Tobes. He said the ratings are up and they need me to keep doing this. Is this how it feels to be Mick Foley? Please no, not the thumb tacks again.

At least I can do this anywhere. Currently I’m sitting at a campsite on Bar Harbor after a day that included an eight-mile hike and a 45-mile bike ride, both of which involved Cadillac. You know how sometimes you take your socks off and there’s enough cotton remaining on your foot to top an aspirin bottle? Let me know if you want me to bring some back for you.

By the way, here’s the haiku you’re looking for. Yup, no ‘s’ to make it plural. Why? Because haiku is a substance.

Pipeline is needed.
Unicorns ain’t worth a damn.
Only gas can work.

Whitey Bulger smiles.
Artie S. is more hated.
[that’s all this dude said]

The new MB boss.
Fired a guy by currier.
Really a dick move.

Obamacare lost.
At least a little of it.
Why can they appeal?

Deval didn’t sign.
Prob’ly working with Art S.
MB wants kid scabs.

Fireworks ev’rywhere.
Cops were supposed to crackdown.
Crackdown my damn ass!

Corey Belanger: Purveyor of fine spirits, spirit…hope and goodwill.


Picture Gleefully stolen from CoreyBelangersVests

From RichardHowe.com

At the Lowell City Council on Tuesday, July 22, 2014, Mayor Rodney Elliott made a motion requesting the City Manager have the Chief Financial Officer and Superintendent of Schools produce a report regarding the costs incurred to educate newcomer students.  Besides Mayor Elliott, Corey Belanger was the only City Councilor to speak on the motion.  The following is a verbatim transcript of what Belanger said: 

By Councilor Belanger:  Thank you Mr. Vice Mayor [Councilor Leahy was in the Chair].  I think this is a great motion.  And to get to Mayor Elliott’s points, that Lowell, we’ve always been a city of immigrants.  That is our foundation.  We have many nationalities here.  I visited many of the schools and it’s encouraging to see how diverse we really, really are, all the way to a young age.

But we got a problem that’s serious and it’s going to get far worse, of refugees, undocumented or illegal aliens, which ever term you choose to use, are pegged for Lowell.  We are on that list.  Many of which are unskilled and uneducated.  And they’re on their way.

Corey’s not saying we’re not the place for immigrants. He saying we’re not the place for THESE immigrants. We just need to hold out for the right types…you know, the 1850’s tired, poor, huddled masses types. And we have just the place for these types. We have a place in this city where they can warm themselves with a  bowl of hearty beef stew.  A place where the nectar of their homeland pours from 3 different taps. A place where the craic is grander than a Clare Island wedding party. A place where Tommy Makem’s (bless his soul) dulcet tones rain down upon thy guests like a spring shower.  A place so authentic you could convince yourself that Eamon De Velera once sat bar side watching a Red Sox spring training game hiding from John Bull’s informants.  A place…the only place, where you won’t be greeted by the words, “Wicked Irish Need Not Apply.”

To those folks we say, “céad míle fáilte!”