A lifetime of information in 7:05 of internet time.

Count me as one of the guys that has said “If I could only go back in time with the knowledge and experience that I have now.” Well, that was before I saw this video. Not since UPS built a two year add campaign on the shoulders of a guy with a hockey mullethas anyone captivated me more in front of a white board. Just amazing stuff.

PS. Just keep in mind, in order for all these zones to work, we’re going to need a few gentleman to operate solely in the “No-Go” Zone. It’s not a graph or chart rule, it’s a rule of nature. So if you’re hanging out in the Fun-Zone and you’re not quite feeling it, there’s nothing wrong with you. We’re just going to need you to put on a helmet and be brave.

Double PS. I agree with him on “Tiffany’s.” They’re all crazy.

Triple PS. Hairdressers are supposed to be crazy. That’s what makes dropping north of $20 for a haircut worth it.

Backtalk vs. Sound Off in Haiku. 7/31/14.

Screen shot 2014-07-31 at 8.11.07 AM

Day 2 of Lowell vs Lawrence and the DeMoulas family wins with 7 out of 9, each team playing an “I can’t drive” but with Lawrence clearly pulling ahead in the pro-board category (all five of Law Town’s entries are MB-related) and Lowell grabbing a left-turn in the form of supporting local farmers. Overall though between the towns Lawrence pulls out another clear victory. Not quite as decisive as yesterday’s win, but unquestionable nonetheless.


I’m going local.
Hannaford imports their meat.
I hate shopping now.

I don’t have a car.
Cabs to the store are pricey.
MB was next door.

Lombardo, you suck.
Talking about kids like that?
You’re embarrassing.

Greed’s killing FolkFest.
Why do they charge for parking?
That’s less dough to shops.

Sound Off

MB Board does squat.
The WalMart shelves are now bare.
The Board must grow up.

Family issues.
Customers will not be fooled.
Prices will go up.

MB cheap and near.
DeMoulas fam hurts us all.
Bury the hatchet.

Management choices.
Not as easy as you think.
Where is Art T. now?

MB customers:
Let the fam’ly keep fighting.
Just ignore the strike.

V-Mart Coming Friday!!!

Lost in all of the MB news is the arrival tomorrow of what is sure to be a worthy challenger to the DeMoulas throne. For those who don’t want to spend another dime at Cantafford’s, I present to you…


Look at THIS! Stocked shelves with no crowds!


And more!


All this opens Friday August 1st on Church St between the carry-out only Pizza Hut and Space For Rent. If you’d like to camp out before they open there’s plenty of tent space still available on their fully-covered sidewalk. And don’t forget the coin-operated seal.


Never mind, I just tried the seal and it ripped me off. But other than that everything looks like a go. Good luck!

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/30/14.


Day… I don’t know. The button I was making slash marks with wore out.

I feel like the Lawrence Eagle-Tribune cranks are a little more dedicated. They actually started crying ‘Hitler’ and ‘Taliban’ in defense of Gordon College. That’s an adorable level of cranky. Come on Dunstable and Chelmsford! Step it up! Yesterday you gave me literally nothing to work with and you weren’t much better today. Show me some of that work ethic you like to brag about. Tell me Obama is secretly behind the Market Basket situation in a sinister plot to make you ride bikes to Trader Joe’s to buy vegan salsa made with BenGhanza beans. Please?

MB’s low prices.
Result of honest workers.
Good boss means less theft.

City GPS.
Fast life-saving responses.
Bill’rica’s too cheap.

Let Kaz move buildings.
Fix it up for city use..
Give him his land back.

Sound Off In Haiku. 7/30/14.


Hey look! The Lawrence paper has this stuff too!

Art T/George Bailey.
Both left a hole that was felt.
Really the same guy.

Protest ain’t helping.
If shelves were full I’d be there.
Farmers getting hurt.

Boss back but you lose bennies.
Just like Obama.

Gordon College thing.
Just leave us Christians alone.
You’re all like Hitler.

Obama must go.
He keeps breaking all the laws.
Nobody likes him.

American Sunrise

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So The Sun didn’t give me anything to work with yesterday for the Backtalk in Haiku bit. I increased their hit count to probably double of what it normally is checking for it, probably their dark, evil sinister plan all along. Or maybe the usual callers were too busy yelling at tree limbs to get off their lawn. Anyway, to make up for it, here’s 15 minutes of people taking selfies. Enjoy.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/28/14.


Day 14. No cranks today. Police get credit for something nice, a couple of other folks have reasonable concerns. Nothing about immigration. Consequently my side of this equation is kind of lame today. Sorry.

Cop cheated on test.
And nobody saw it?
Sad way to retire.

Police escort crew.
For the Mike Sokolowski ride.
Can’t thank you enough.

RMV hates me.
Gave plates to an angry clerk.
She never marked it.

Market Basket vote.
Sun outed Arty T’s foes.
That was pretty cool.