You happy, soccer fans?


Ya couldn’t keep your mouths shut. For whatever reason it became so important to everyone to convert all the “non-believers” out there that soccer is a great sport…that you need to get into the game because it’s only a matter of time before everyone in the US morphs into an Italian Ultra on Saturdays. Well guess what…F’ you! I can’t enjoy my footie anymore because I’m constantly being trolled by assholes. I’ve got claptraps like Anne Coulter clogging my twitter feed with…well, I don’t know what she’s saying. I’ve got John Dennis declaring US Soccer as pathetic because they “parked the bus” against Germany (Google Chelsea-Champions League-2013). I’ve got Eric Wilbur taking a dump on what I would consider the most technically dominant performance for US Soccer on the World Stage…ever! I’ve got jackasses sitting on bar stools next to me plotting the installation of hockey blue lines.  I’ve got NBA fans on the other side telling me their disdain for tickie-tackie foul dramtics.

This could have been great, but no. Instead, I am forced to suffer until this god forsaken tourney ends and Champions League qualifiers begin in peaceful obscurity.

So do me a favor, if you’re not watching soccer, don’t. The sport sucks. It’s not worth your time.

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