I don’t need to sell the drugs. The drugs’ll sell themselves.
Dunks should start charging by the ounce so they can be like all the other drug dealers in the neighborhood. We’re right around the corner from Dunks offering a funnel of Type 2 diabetes…for just two dollars more than a Box’o Joe.
First of all, got to hand it to all those corporate lackey automatons! You want to gin-up some geo-thermal nuclear excitement about your new product, name it after an 84 year old golfer who hasn’t been relevant in about 30 years. The kids will be lining up baby!
But more surprising than that is Tobes going all Bloombergy with the type-2 Diabetes demonization of Dunkins. Fact is, (and I DID look!) that sugar, calorie and carbs wise, you’re better off with the Arnold Palmer Coolatta than you are with the same amount of Tropicana 100% orange juice (marginally) or Welch’s 100% Grape Juice (a shitload!)
Of course though, with the juices you’re getting juice. The first ingredient listed in the Coolatta is: Frozen Neutral base (sounds like a UN outpost in Norway.) Nothing quenches a hot summer’s thirst like neutral base! Everybody runs (to CVS for more test strips) on Dunkins!