Can I Be Frank?: April Fool’s Gone Evil – Children’s Edition

As I helped get my three children get ready for school this morning, they reminded me that today was April Fool’s Day. Each was looking for some type of prop to bring to school that might trick their small brained friends and it got me thinking how cruel of “holiday” this could become with a little thought and preparation. Specifically, I could absolutely haunt and destroy my children’s mental welfare if I wanted to…all in the name of April Fool’s.

nelson haha
Here are a few I am debating attempting later on at home.
(ALERT: If you have children than can read, but also still believe in the Easter Bunny I suggest you send them outside to play while you read on. Of course, what do I care? Harden them up.)
• Disney Dummies
Tell your children they are going to Disney World TODAY. Make up an elaborate story about where you are staying, the plans you have made, the plane ride, etc. Pack their suitcases. If you have time (and are completely sadistic), give them each one of those Mickey Mouse Ear Hats. Tell them to go out to the car with their bags and when they get outside…
“April Fool’s suckas! We’re not going anywhere. And I am pretty sure Goofy is a pedophile. Now go back inside and do your homework.”
• Dinner Diss
Inform the kids that you are making their favorite dinner tonight EXCEPT substitute the main ingredient with sawdust/cobwebs/drain hair/Ipecac/body parts of their favorite dolls/whatevs. This really works best in they like soups, stews or pies. Right after they take the first bite…
“APRIL FOOLS! You just ate your American Girl doll’s eyeballs!”
• Santa Claus Ain’t Coming Town
Draft a letter from Santa Claus announcing his incredible discontent in their behavior and regardless of what they do for the next 9 months there is no way he is coming to their house this Christmas. Once they finish crying…
“April Fools! But yeah, Santa isn’t coming because well, we made him up.”
• Tooth Fake
When your kids get home from school, inform them the dentist called and it appears as if each has some major cavities and they need a tooth/teeth pulled today. If they are dumb enough to believe this, drive them to the dentist office, lead them inside reception area and then leave them there needing to figure it out for themselves. As you drive away scream…
“April Fools! Walk home! And P.S. – there is no Tooth Fairy either!”
• Toy Story
Hide all of their favorite toys/games in the garage/shed. That’s it. Don’t explain anything or console them. Give them back on Labor Day. Say ‘April Fool’s’ then. They won’t get it but will be SO mad. Epic.
Just a few friendly ideas to make this a fun day for the whole family.

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