More #BIKESHITTY Updates (Sorry if you’re sick of it, but not really sorry)

…nobody knew that Ned was Jeff Speck. Boom Roasted Roddy!

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Franky Cabot 5:00 Traffic Update #BikeShitty


Well, there you have it. Steve Ratbas Allen checks in with a Fr. Morrisette Traffic update…it’s a speed limit ride up through Arcand Drive where you’ll be hitting the breaks for the occasional tumbleweed. Otherwise it’s smooth sailing all the way to Franconia Notch.

Thanks @ratbas for the video.

What are Lowellians Selling on Craigslist Today? (A house-load of optimism.)

clKILLER

Craigslist-Boston

Have 4 bedroom house with Parkin in front all done up inside have studio in back brings in 600 a month towards morgtatge real close to downtown Lowell Lowell is the next Cambridge with umass being division one school an buying everything an building and Lowell General doing same it’s most def good investment!!!

Sorry Teddy Panos, but we’re “the next Cambridge”, it says so right here on Craigslist.

Wow, and they call Chicago “The Windy City.” We’ve got: “The Next Cambridge.” “Umass D-1 an Buying everything an building.” ”Lowell General doing the same.” all in one clean and concise paragraph. Move over Corey Belanger, there’s a new purveyor of wicked awesome in town and he’s over on Pleasant Street spitting rhymes in his $600 a month “studio” (Yes, I called to confirm…music “studio”(mew-zak)), spreading the good word like the Mill City’s most devout profit. You may want to hold off on scraping off those bike lanes and moving that high school until you see this add removed from Craigslist. You never know who be “walkin” through that door next.

PS.  Hey Dick Howe Jr?  You have any stats on 54 Pleasant Street?  Because I think we’re about to break a record.

Can I Be Frank?: 37 Guidelines to being a Good Dude

Growing up to be a responsible adult male takes a lot of work. It takes years of teaching from our elders. It takes hundreds of mistakes. It is a lifelong learning experience that none of us will ever perfect but we keep trying. I think we have all absorbed many of the same little tid bits to make us better men. Beyond being responsible, we all strive to be good dudes. Guys that people want to hang out with. Today I want to impart a few ‘tips’ that will hopefully make sense. I stole a few of these from some men a lot wiser than me and added a few of my own. These tips apply to men of varying ages and stages of life. The old saying before someone offers you advice is “take this with a grain of salt.” Yeah, I dont know what that means? Take my advice with a shot of Jameson.

jerk store

Here are your 37 Guidelines to being a Good Dude:

1. Give a firm handshake…..unless you want to really freak a guy out…then offer him the ‘dead fish’ and a painfully slow wink

2. Chew with your mouth AND EYES closed. Power move.

3. Love dogs. Hate cats. (I hate both but I have no soul)

4. Learn for cook for yourself. If not for yourself, for the ladies. A man in a kitchen is irresistible.

5. Always give up your seat on the bus (do people still ride the bus?) to an older, a pregnant, or a hot woman. If a woman possesses all three of these attributes, give her a high five as well.

6. Fight fair. Always. Unless said opponent is stronger, bigger or tougher. In that case, throw a sucker punch and bolt for the fire escape.

7. Learn to like (or at least fake-like) martinis or whiskey. James Bond & Frank Sinatra can’t be wrong.

8. Always hold the door open for a woman. If you have to hold a door open for a man, then no eye contact or pleasantries allowed. Continue reading

Lowell #BIKESHITTY

Rodneyrita

Lowell Sun

LOWELL — The bikes lanes installed on Father Morissette Boulevard last year could soon be a thing of the past.

Mayor Rodney Elliott and City Councilor Rita Mercier have filed a motion for Tuesday’s meeting requesting that the council vote to revert Father Morissette back to four lanes of traffic and have the bike lanes removed.

The roadway was converted to one-lane traffic in each direction last year when bike lanes were added to the street.

Elliott said the lanes are a safety hazard for drivers and the reduction in traffic lanes to accommodate them hurts traffic. He also same he believes the lanes are underutilized.

“We have enough traffic congestion problems, we don’t need to create anymore,” Elliott said. “The intent should be to move vehicles in and out of the city.”

Last February, the City Council approved a $2 million loan order to allow the city to purchase more than 150 parking-meter kiosks and add more than 150 parking spaces, as well as some of the kiosks, on the street. Elliott was the lone vote against the loan order.

“Bikes are out. Cars are in. Mayor Piper, out!“

I hear you Rod. This Bike Lane bullshit is for nobody but hippies and drunks. F’ that noise! We don’t need it! The sooner we get back to funneling two lanes of traffic onto our one lane bridges, all will be right in the world. The sun will come out, RIMZ-U-LIKE will be back in business, we’ll be able to keep the high school downtown…wait, what?

PS.  Nobody hates bike lanes more than the old dudes.  Its as if the Doc flips some sort of switch during that first prostate exam that sets off an irrational tick the moment painted bike lanes appear.  They start hooting, hollering, and having legit heart attacks…which is why you see Grapes Mercier cosigning.

 

CEO of a Hudson NH Meth Labratory suprisingly looks nothing like your typical meth lab maven.

The scariest thing about these meth lab runn’n meth-heads is that it’s always tough to pick them out of the crowd. No uniforms, no particular characteristics that scream, “Hello! I run a methlab!” I look at this lip studded beauty and see your typical Centralville 6…possibly a 7 with that Jello Pudding Pop hair die job. I know at first glance I was smitten, at least I was until I learned she’s a meth-head. Who needs that kind of drama in their lives…am I right?

Look’et Roddy!

Look at him… the May-ah! He’s got to be the happiest guy in the league. Every picture he takes looks like he’s having a sexual experience. It really has been a pleasure (pun intended) watching this guy perform his duties. I hope he decides to run for Mayor again, because his ray of sunshine is intoxicating.

smiles4miles