Lowell Sun

TEWKSBURY — An undercover prostitution operation conducted Monday resulted in the arrests of three out-of-state women at two town hotels, according to police.  Megan Sullivan-Albee of Bangor, Maine and Megan Horsfield of Manchester, NH, both 24, were arrested at the Hoilday Inn on Highwood Drive and charged with sexual conduct for a fee.

Horsfield, who police said had two outstanding warrants, was also charged with possession of heroin and possession of crack cocaine.  Twenty-year-old Violet Harris of Hartford, Conn. was arrested at the Fairfield Inn on Andover Street for sexual conduct for a fee.  Tewksbury police occasionally conduct prostitution stings at some of the town’s hotels, in response to solicitation on websites like Craigslist.

Serves you right.  If you’re down with sexual conduct for a fee and you’re down with sexual conduct for a fee in Tewksbury, you needn’t be anywhere but the Caswell.  The Police don’t do sexual conduct for fee stings at the Caswell because sexual conduct for a fee is expected at the Caswell.  It’s the only reasonable excuse for being there besides establishing yourself a satellite meth lab…which is why the police would much rather you be conducting yourself sexually for a fee.  It’s like Bunny Colvin’s “Hamsterdam” only instead of a legal crack zone, you’ve got yourself a sexual conduct for a fee, free zone (I imagine crack probably flies as well).  You don’t even need the internet to transact sexual conduct for a fee at the Caswell so save those Free AOL CD’s for a rainy day.

Discalaimer:  This heartfelt advertisement was not paid for by Motel Caswell.