Note from Tobes: The lads over at WCAP finalized their roster for the 2014 Winterfest Human Dogsled competition and sent it our way. Looks a little bit like a rebuilding year to me, but I’ve never seen the sport itself because it doesn’t go down inside Club Celcius.
Nevertheless, Ladies and Gentlemen, you’re “Healthy Attitudes.”
Chris Poublon (A): Chris is the most experienced member of the Health Attitudes (in fact he is the only one who has actually run the course) making him the squad’s one veteran member. The Healthy Attitudes will surely rely on Chris for everything from course insight to the quickest route to the bathroom. When asked why he keeps putting his body on the line, and coming back year after year the afternoon producer said, “Wait I’m running again?”
Dave Morrison: In order to bring a spark to the team, the Healthy Attitudes called on the talents of Dave Morrison. The weekend producer and news man was snatched up in free agency in what experts are calling the steal of the off-season. Dave is bringing the Healthy Attitudes into the 21st century by showing them the concepts of healthy eating and exercise. One of Dave’s biggest contributions was introducing the squad to this thing called jogging (which I believe is pronounced “ogging”). With this cutting edge exercise program Dave believes the Healthy Attitudes have a chance to reach the podium.
Karoline Zacharer: Karoline was the number one overall pick in the 2013 Human Dog Sled draft. Having spent the last year in the minors Karoline is eager to unveil her talents on the big stage. Karoline will be sitting in the sled for the Healthy Attitudes, something scouts say she was born to do. She told WCAP, her training consisted of visiting multiple elementary schools to compete in games of “duck duck goose”. In order to replicate sitting in a sled Karoline would never move from her position, even when she was tapped on the head. While this proved to be an important training exercise it also sparked multiple temper tantrums from the students. This is because she did not move from her spot which according to the students was unfair.
Frank McCabe: Back in 2002 Frank was a sure fire first round pick in the Human Dog Sled Draft. However, after an unfortunate incident at a local pancake restaurant he was completely passed on, and instead landed oversees in an amateur French league. While in France, the host of Can I Be Frank led Las Bouches (which translates to “The Mouths” in English) to back to back French Championships. However, Frank continued to get into trouble, and bounced around from team to team. The Healthy Attitudes decided to roll the dice on Mr. McCabe, believing he can be an important part of the team if he can control his off the arena issues.
Austin Fontanella (C): Austin Fontanella is the self-proclaimed captain of the Healthy Attitudes. The morning show co-host was not picked because of his talent (if you remember he was self-appointed so technically he wasn’t picked at all) but rather because he had already painted a “C” on his t-shirt. In order to prep for the event Austin spent some time in Alaska studying the huskies running in the Iditarod. After three months he realized their best bet to win would have been replacing the human team with one run by dogs.
Theodore “Teddy” Panos: Coaching this squad will be morning show host Teddy Panos. Teddy is no rookie to this event. In the early 1990’s the name Teddy Panos alone would send competitors running (think of a scene in a cheesy western movie when two characters get ready for a shootout). However, Teddy’s career was tragically cut short in the 1998 games when he was carted off the field after a freak snow cone accident. One that is too graphic to go into detail here. Teddy is now ready to put the past behind him, and lead this rag tag bunch known affectionately as the Healthy Attitudes.