Tyngsboro is slowly getting back to what it does best.

Lowell Sun

TYNGSBORO — A former strip-club owner’s controversial request for an entertainment license at Duke’s Pub and Grille — to allow performers dressed in bikinis and Speedos to dance in-house — was approved 3-2 by the Board of Selectmen Monday night.

Selectmen reviewed Duke’s owner Don DiRocco’s request earlier this month and asked more questions Monday at a public hearing. Duke’s is located on Frost Road and DiRocco previously told the board he was looking for approval of the license to boost business.

After grilling DiRocco for more than a half-hour Monday night, Chairwoman Karyn Puleo said she did not receive enough information from DiRocco to vote in favor of the license.

“Let this beautiful patch of land be a safe harbor for Roller Skaters and Strippers.” Colonel Tyng – 1705

As the chief expert in Tyngsboro culture, I have a hard time believing I wasn’t given a press credential for this event.  Nevertheless, our neighbors up north did not disappoint.  In any town across the country, hysterics over the idea of allowing a windowless bar the opportunity to present women of various variety, dancing in their finest beach attire…would be perfectly reasonable.  But this recent puritanical crusade they’ve got going on up there is too much.  It’s like spending time with that really over-the-top Born Again Christian that is only 1 short prison term removed from blowing coke off of surface area provided by hooker body parts.  Don’t run away from who you are Tyngsboro.  Some places are meant to offer great schools, cute downtowns, and well-to-do people.  Other places were meant to offer negotiable fees to have a lost soul have sex with your kneecaps for the duration of a Motley Crue song.

#8 and its only January. The Chiefs don’t come out of their tee pees until March.

Chiefsrankings

The Chiefs are just starting to figure out who they are at this point this season, and the USCHO folks still had an uphill climb to find 7 teams to put ahead of them. We’ll let the Superfrauds do their usual self back-patting through February while the tribe along the Merrimack rounds itself into fighting shape for March.

Also, if you haven’t had the opportunity to get down to the Tissongas yet this season for pucks or buckets, tune into the Frank McCabe show on WCAP. He’s not only going to have you sitting courtside like the Biebs for free, but he might even make you laugh.

A little lesson in humility by Fook’n Noel Gallagher

If only we could all go back an add DVD Commentary on various events in our lives, and if we could, I doubt anyone would be as honest as Noel Gallagher. I’d love to be able to go back and carve the 7th/8th grade version of myself. Cluelessly rolling through the hallways of the Sullivan School and Austin Prep on the three pearl jam shirt rotation, convinced that the key to getting girls to like you was a sweet pair of kicks. “Fook’n dreadful.”

Give this guy the Drunk Vezina

There’s nothing worse than trucking your ass out to horrible rinks, at horrible times, only to have the other team’s tender not show. Look at this hero. He was probably 8 deep down at Molly Kay’s (or whatever the Chzech Version of Molly Kay’s is) getting ready for Monday Night Football when his team captain called wondering where he was. But being the gamer he is, he suited up to give the other team something to pepper. I love his spirit. He can play for me any day.

Did Ralph do it again or did Ralph do it again!

Zach Parise
Look at these high fashion nukes we’re sending over to Russia. I’m not going to lie, I had a little movement in the pants when I saw this get up. I’m pretty sure it was the outfit, but it may also have been Zach Parise in the outfit. Either way, your move Putin.

PS. I’m pretty sure Canada already pulled once they saw these things.