I’ve got a question. Who DOESN’T want to be sexually harassed? Are there any wacky Asians making Pro-sexual harassment pants? I would kill to be sexually harassed. When I dress myself every morning, my soul focus is on optimizing my harassability. How awesome would it be to get a promotion because my ass looks amazing in my JCrew Outlet kakis? To just be sitting around, doing fuckall around the office and rocking baller titles in my email signature because my boss can’t keep her eyes off of me. When does this dream end? And don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t be equally as flattered if my boss were a dude.

That said, if for some bizarre reason you don’t want to be sexual harassed, can we all agree that wearing pants that suggest you’re packing Costco amounts of length and girth is not going to get the job done? What you’re really doing is asking to be sexually harassed harder, by a crowd that’s way weirder. I’m talking about the Craigslist “go the bathroom on me” type of crowd. You may want to dig into the return policy on these bad larry’s before pulling the trigger.