Arrggghh!

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Boston.com

<A South Boston man was arrested Wednesday afternoon for allegedly assaulting a 66-year-old neighbor over a parking spot, police said.
According to a police report, the victim told police he arrived home to find Juan Beltran-Rivera parked in a spot on East Eighth Street in South Boston that the victim paid to have shoveled-out earlier in the day.
The victim confronted Beltran-Rivera about the spot, according to the report, and the two began to argue.
Beltran-Rivera, 32, told police that he became intimidated by the victim during the argument and “things got out of hand,” the report said.
Police said Beltran-Rivera punched the victim, temporarily knocking him unconscious. Beltran-Rivera was arrested and charged with assault and battery on a person who has attained an age over 65, the report said.
Responding officers said in the report that the victim had serious cuts on his face, and his left eye was swollen shut. They also observed a pool of blood at the site of the alleged assault, which was 20 feet from the intersection of East Eighth and Mercer streets.

While no, I am not a licensed attorney with regard to US/Massachusetts criminal law, I happen to be an expert in the matter of Pirate Law. While Massachusetts district attorney’s may beg to differ, the South Boston spot saving rituals falls under the jurisdiction of Pirate Law. Per Pirate law, you’re absolutely permitted to save freshly shoveled parking spaces with whatever household item you deem necessary to let all the other savages out there know that this little island of dry pavement belongs to you. As such, one should also expect territorial pirate wrath should you land on another Pirate’s island. It is to be expected. You either move to another spot or prepare to engage in pirate warfare. It’s the will of the people.

While generally my instinct tells me to never trust a gentlemen with hyphenated last name, I would have to rule in favor of Beltran-Rivera. He was simply following pirate protocol. Give the man his freedom, and give the man his space.

BTW, paying someone to shovel your space negates your pirate right to save parking spaces. The only thing less pirate-like is getting one punched by a Latin pirate in the middle of East 8th Street. I guess this really isn’t your grandfather’s Southie anymore.

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Salukis Basketball checks in with Coach rant of the year, just before the buzzer.

“Turnovers for tax credits?” I love it. I suspect we’re already honoring that policy here in Massachusetts. “Mama’s Boy’s?” A throw back…and I love it. As for Mrs. Hinson dropping a pair of field goals in a collegiate game? No chance. That’s preposterous. I don’t even think she could get into the paint.

Mrs Hinson courtesy of the Daily Mail.

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SOFC Presents: Can I Be Frank?: Christmas Candor

Have some fun during the holidays. Haunt your friends and family with some hard core honesty (or some slight exaggerations of the truth. Whatevs)

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Can I Be Frank?: Christmas Candor
Billionaire Boston Businessman Jack Welch made his career, and General Electric, a phenomenal success through the implementation of a few key principles. Not a man to mince words, Welch believed in honesty and, as he describes in his book Winning, “candor” in the workplace. In a very small nutshell, Welch preached that the ultimate way to drive a thriving, growing and successful enterprise is by creating an environment whereby candor was a part of everyday management. Essentially, employees from the CEO to the custodian, knew exactly where they stood in the company’s totem pole at all times. Those that excelled were rewarded. Those in the middle of the pack were offered guidance. Those at the bottom were, well, chopped. Forever controversial in his credo, Welch built an incredible empire and his success at GE cannot be denied.

OK, enough business BS, not what I am pondering.  I am bringing up the topic of candor.

Candor, by definition, is the quality of being open and honest in expression; frankness (I certainly like that last word in the definition).  What I am driving at is there is simply not enough candor in the world – not only just at the workplace.  With the holiday season upon us, there is no better time to start implementing effective and ‘to-the-point’ practices of being candid with the people we run in to each and every day.  Perhaps more than any other time of the year, we are forced to exchange pleasantries with folks all day long.  Unlike other hum-drum dates on the calendar December was created for smiles and cheer; be it real or fake.  I say, what a perfect time to start expressing what you really mean or at least make it entertaining.  Start saying what you really feel.  Start being honest.  Start being candid.

Enough of the incessant “Hi, how are yous?”, “How are things?”, “What’s new?”  “What are your plans for the holidays?”  Enough.  Let’s let everyone know how we feel at that moment in time.  Why not?  What’s the harm?  Society would certainly become more interesting if we all embraced this practice.

But, tis the season of giving so allow me to give you some straight-talk samples so you can learn to truthfully answer all the questions that are hurled in your face; especially during this Holy and blessed time of year.  OK, not truthfully… but have some fun for crying out loud…it’s the holidays!

QUESTION:   Hey, How are you?  Happy Holidays!

ANSWER: I’m OK.  Looks like my restraining order is going to finally be lifted from my ex…so that’s a good thing.  How are the kids?

A creepy look and a quick walkaway are guaranteed.

QUESTION:  What are your plans for Christmas?

ANSWER: Christmas?  Well, I have been a practicing Jew for the last 10 years but thanks for noticing.  (awkward pause) Ha,ha,…I am SO kidding….I’m not Jewish.  I’m Chinese.

Should raise an eyebrow or 3…unless you actually are Chinese.  Doesn’t work if you are.

QUESTION: So, what are you getting Jim/Judy for Christmas?

ANSWER: Vasectomy/Hysterectomy

How you like them apples?

QUESTION: I am sure hoping for a white Christmas, how bout you?

ANSWER: If by “White” you mean I get “a ton of cocaine”…then yes….me too.

Suspected drug use is always a holiday classic.

QUESTION: Have you gotten your tree yet?

ANSWER: We did! We got a Bonsai.  So excited.  Decorating it tomorrow night with Mr Miagi.

Karate Kid jokes never, ever fail.

QUESTION: Hope you are on Santa’s NICE list?

ANSWER: Except for that alleged abduction, I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t be.  Chilly out, huh?

Again, keep the asker on their toes.

QUESTION: Any mistletoe hanging in your house?

ANSWER: We’re not big mistletoe believers in our house but there is a tradition of the ‘Ether Bunny’ we celebrate year round.

Intentionally drugging of a loved one is like Christmas morning any day of year.

QUESTION: How you doing with your holiday shopping?

ANSWER: Not bad.  You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to sneak crap out of the Dollar Store.

The trick to this one is double check your pockets/purse as you respond.

QUESTION: What are your New Year’s resolutions?

ANSWER: Kept it simple this year.  Staying off the meth while driving the kids around.  You can never be too safe, right?  Oh, and I am definitely joining a gym.

I am not sure this is candor or just cruel and sarcastic answers to commonly asked questions during the holidays.  Take it or leave it.

As Cousin Eddie so eloquently stated in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation….

’Merry Christmas, S#!++er is FULL!”

And to all a good night…..
Guest Blogger Frank McCabe can be heard every Friday on 980 WCAP AM Radio. For anyone under the age of 70, run to your nearest Iphone and download TuneIn Radio.