With the fifth overall pick, Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Vesna Nuon.
Mark Lynch: I’m not saying Vesna Nuon stole this girls cookie money, I’m not even saying Vesna Nuon’s even been to Tacoma. But the Banana Bread scouting department (the Lowell Sun) suggests an alleged track record of discretionary impropriety might yield a windfall of fantasy points come Nov 5th. The city closing apartment buildings, campaign finance misappropriations, late night parties with Mayor Murphy and his shady friend Pericles…is there no depth this man won’t stoop to? I don’t love this pick, I love the potential. I need to go and lay down. My second round pick an alleged code violating criminal mastermind. I’m in shock.
Ned’s Take: Rita and Vesna sitting next to each other in the clubhouse? Awesome draft so far Mark…(snickering)
With the fourth overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Rodney Elliott.
Tobes: Did I just do that? Rowdy Roddy Elliott joins the Taliban and we couldn’t. be happier. Sure, my blogging brethren will paint him as a guaranteed lockeroom cancer, but I couldn’t disagree more. I think of Roddy as the James Harrison of the council candidates. To outsiders, he’s grumpy head hunter in the middle of the field (heads Up Bernie). But behind the scenes, he’s the first in the weight room and the last to leave. A pro’s pro. And once he gets a taste of one of D’Mitch’s IPA’s, he’ll loosen up a bit. I’ll take those guaranteed 2nd place points to the bank.
Ned’s Take: I’m willing to bet Rodney Elliott has never lifted a weight in his life. Total reach by Tobes. Most mock drafts had Rodney going last round to Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread.
Brown University? They’ve got one of those in Providence, you know.
With the third overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Derek Mitchell.
Tobes: I can’t believe Derek Mitchell is still sitting here at #3. It makes me think my opponents didn’t read the scoring, or didn’t understand it (Mark’s a Voke grad). The guy brings nothing but value on top of value. 14 points as a 14 seed, and only like 7 people voted in September. Am I afraid that Fred Doyle and his extra chromosome thinks that the undergraduate program at Brown is garbage? Nope. Am I afraid that the Lowell Sun (despite an endorsement!?!?) regularly misinterprets his campaign points? Nope. Am I afraid that he didn’t grow up with me IN Lowell? Of course not. Think about the people we grew up with? They’re almost all assholes. So I am banking on the literate/gainfully employed portion of the voting population to show up on Nov 5 in droves and get this guy a seat. Welcome aboard Derek Mitchell.
Ned’s Take: Behind the scenes, Tobes is convinced that Derek Mitchell is the type of guy that always has strange IPA’s in the fridge and that to him is an indicator for success. I think he borrowed Fred Doyle’s extra chromosome.
Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread 2nd overall pick- Rita Mercier
Mark Lynch: Where do you begin with Rita Mercier? Guaranteed 1st place finish. No doubt about it. She gives you an honest answer right or wrong, and often times unvarnished. You can’t hate that. She’s fashion forward in the council chambers, and if you call her house or see her on the street she’ll take the time to actually get back to you. Plus she freaking rapped at one of those cockamamie candidate forum nights. I don’t care what the birds over at LiL think/say/wish will happen on election day, guaranteed first place finish. You can’t find a Vegas book that even has it on the board. Plus, the extra 15 points to top it off puts me out in the lead. I traded for her last time and I think that’s the reason my last team Fuji Vice won the whole f’n thing. So now there’s only one thing left to do, go out there and win the whole f’n thing. Again.
Ned’s Take: Adrian Peterson falling to the 2nd pick is grounds for getting kicked out of any fantasy league. This may be worse.
With the first pick of the 2013 Sons of Franky (by the way boys, “Franky” is spelled “Frankie” – nice work, idiots) Cabot Lowell City Council Draft, Frank’s Shanks selects Dan Rourke
Frank McCabe: I am pleased to draft City Council hopeful Dan “Danny Ballgame” Rourke in the first round. Danny Boy should be a sure fire winner at the voting polls next week after finishing a strong 4th in the primary election. Dan has fought a long hard campaign and I believe he is a perfect selection and deserving of the top pick. With long and strong politcal accumen in his D.N.A. (well, at least Tipa anyway), D.A.N. is a probable and worthy choice that deserves your support on November 5th. I graduated from Lowell High School with Dan and can say without hesitation that as a senior he was one of the top 7-8 Junior Varsity basketball players. They don’t call him ‘Ball Game’ for nothing. In fact, when I was going throug the (Ball) Game film before the draft I found this vintage footage of Dano. If he can exhibit this kind of focus and determination while on the Council, I think it is safe to say we all win.
Ned’s Take: Frankie McCabe goes off the grid on the first round…obviously he didn’t buy any City Council Fantasy Draft preview magazines. As for Franky with a “Y”, well we asked MLB Superstar Chone Figgens what he thought of the variation and he approved. Good enough for me.
Who’s kidding who, this election is a big deal, and it is optimal that everyone is as informed as possible… which is why you should definitely look elsewhere. We’re not the blog for you.
We’re tipping beers here at the Worthen for the next three days to bring you the most useless, unhelpful, exercise built around this biannual city tradition. Leave your sensitivity in the car.
The rules can be found here.
The Teams (In Order)
1. Frank’s Shanks (Frank McCabe)
2. Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread (Mark Lynch)
3. Tower News Taliban (Dan Tobin)
Now on the clock with the first overall pick in the 2013 Sons of Franky Cabot Fantasy: Frank’s Shanks.
Not a drugs guy, never have been. But if I ever make it big. I wanna hang out with Uncle Joey Diaz. Complete chaos of a night/weekend. Even at age 50+ this guy is still slinging dick. This is why my fantasy team name for the City Council election is Uncle Joey’s banana bread.