SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 4 (Pick 12)- Frank’s Shanks selects Bill Samaras

With the twelfth overall pick, Frank’s Shanks selects Bill Samaras.

Truth be told I was very hesitant to make this pick. Afraid Bill could mess up our team chemistry? But the more I thought about it, it is exactly what this developing team needs; balance. So far, with Rourke/Martin/Belanger in the Shank Bank, we have an aggressive, fun loving group. But, instincts tell me that this squadron could easily find themselves violating team policies all over the place (read: Major’s Pub). Add a Bill Samaras to the line up and those violation are down by 50%; minimum. Why? Facts don’t lie. Samaras is the village elder in this lot of 18 candidates. What has he dedicated his professional life to? Education, discipline, order and leadership. Might be just what this blossoming crew of men will need to stay on the path to glory? That said, never really liked Bill. He was the LHS Headmaster during my tenure on Father Morrisette Blvd and always resembled a curmudgeonly, old school master….well, cause he was. But need to set personal feelings aside and make sound draft decisions; I like his chances in the election and his place on the Shanks.

Ned’s Take: Interesting pick, Interesting theory. The man who watched over the heard of maniacs on Morrisette Blvd is going to somehow reign this outfit in? I say Samaras was less a Headmaster and more a Ringmaster. This scene either gets slightly better or infinitely worse.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 4 (Pick 11)- Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects James Milanazzo

With the eleventh overall pick, Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Jim Milanazzo

Mark: Don’t call it a comeback indeed, LL. It was only two years ago, that an ousted Sitting Mayor, was seen sulking his way out of the Blue Shamrock, dropping the Heisman treatment on inquisitive Lowell Sun reporters.

But much like the Sox went from worst to first, Jim Millinazzo is on the cusp of returning to former glory of yesteryear. Ribbon cuttings at downtown dna processing clinics, hanging at the sponsors tent at Winter Fest, being a guest of honor at the Southie Asian water festival. All of this is close enough for Jim Millinazzo to smell it. I love this pick, this late in the draft. He finished 6th overall in the preliminary election and looks to be safe for a top nine finish. This is a value pick all the way and I’m looking to be a two time champion.

Ned’s Take: Mark’s surprised Jim Milanazzo is still on the board? Probably because he’s been throwing darts at the Doyle’s through the first four rounds. He’s lucky Milzie is still on the board. That may have saved his draft.
PS. Jim Milanazzo’s buddies have to call him Milzie, right?

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 4 (Pick 10)- The Tower News Taliban selects Van Pech.


With the 10 overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Van Pech.

Tobes: You see him as Van Pech. I see him as Van “Pecs.” He’s not just a candidate for counsel, he’s a global brand. He’s Prestige Worldwide…without the “prestige”. He won’t ask for your votes, his agent will demand them.
I probably don’t need the fantasy value at this point, this pick is about making life a little easier for the TNT marketing department. Van PECH!…Pech…pech…pech…pech…

Ned’s Take: Boats and Ho’s…Let’s see Rita pull off Boats and Ho’s.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 3 (Pick 9)- The Tower News Taliban selects Stacy Hargis.

With the 9th overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Stacy Hargis.

Tobes: So at this point, Mark is throwing darts and Frank is obviously cocked and all-in on Halloween. Should we just go ahead and engrave the trophy now? How does Hargis fall to me at 9? She’s intelligent, well spoken, and clear in her mission…which in Lowell is worth enough votes to get you 15th place…aka 15 points for the TNT. “That’s Lowell in a nutshell.” Meanwhile we’ll keep sending Rita back to city hall because she’ll bury garbage men at the summit of Drum Hill if they forget to pick up your recycling bin….but it pretty much ends there. Here’s hoping she finds a way to join DMitch’s peloton on it’s way to a triumphant Tuesday.
At the very least, it will be nice to have her in the lockeroom as someone Rodney can bounce his Women’s Rights ideas off of.

Ned’s take: But Rita raps, Tobes! Seriously, is Rap’n Rita the most overrated occurance in Lowell Political history? Probably the worst freestyle I’ve ever heard. No rhythm, poetry, shit talk’n. Terrible. Even Kobe Bryant thought it sucked. Yet for some reason, it was a sexual experience for the Lowell Sun news room. They almost collectively brought down Tout for an hour.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 3 (Pick 8)- Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Genevieve Doyle.

With the eight overall pick, Uncle Joey’s Banana bread selects Genevieve Doyle.

Mark: I gotta be honest, I threw at a dart board and it came up Doyle. Unfortunately for me it wasn’t Fred. I actually went to middle school with a younger Genevieve Doyle. She was a couple of years ahead of me and from what I remember…loud and bossy. I should have read the tea leaves and assumed she would no doubt one day run for city council. It’s about as prestigious position as it gets for “loud and bossy” from Centraville. Is she a dark horse? Yes. Vegas and offshore books alike have her at nothing less than 1000-1 for a triumphant Tuesday. But when you throw heat at a list on a dart board, sometimes you roll snake eyes…or whatever the darts equivalent is. I got nothing else so enjoy some Bruce Willis.

Ned’s Take: if Mr and Mrs Mark ever renew their vows, whoever assembles the IPhoto montage for them better include this Bruce Willis video.
As for Genevieve…it’s the 6th round, right? Great pick.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 3 (Pick 7)- Frank’s Shanks selects Corey Belanger.

With the seventh overall pick, Frank’s Shanks selects Corey Belanger

Frank McCabe: This pick may surprise a few, but it shouldn’t. It’s Corey’s time. Had an incredible minor league career and is amped and ready for the ‘Bigs’. Corey adds a new dimension to Frank’s Shanks; an added edge one might say. That edge? He owns a bar. Every great team needs to know how to unwind and celebrate success. Corey will be that player that gathers our squad – in victory and defeat – and provide those much needed libations to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and get back at it. What the hell am I saying? I don’t know. Oh, one other advnatage, CB is strongly endorsed by a couple of Lowell, eh hem, heavy weights named ‘Bach’ and ‘Cali’. I bet Van Pech can’t make the same claim? Of course, we may need to change our team names to Major’s…and our motto to Four Lowell, From Lowell…One Lowell? I don’t know?

I am hoping Corey will bring this type of leadership and wreckless enthusiasm to Frank’s Shanks and the City of Lowell.

Ned’s Take: I think this is the point in the draft where Frank’s family sits him down and reads him letters of support. Fantasy points are out the window. We’re strictly measure blood alcohol content for the Shanks from here on out.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 2 (Pick 6)- Frank’s Shanks selects Bill Martin.


Capping Round 2 with the sixth overall pick, Frank’s Shanks select longtime Lowell pol Bill Martin.

Frank: Billy has been around the proverbial block – as mayor as well as incumbant City Councilor – for a long time. Truthfully, I don’t know a lot about Bill Martin (nor local political fantasy drafts for that matter). But odds are Frank’s Shanks will be attending numerous Halloween parties together this week, a venue where I require my team to excel. My Scouting Team (Lowell Sun Column) rates Mr, Martin as a five tool player in that regard. With Danny Ballgame’s JV Basketball groupies already in tow, we’ll be unstoppable.

Most importantly, Halloween is tomorrow. I think the SOFC fan-base would appreciate his versatility. Like it or not, Billy, you kinda make a pretty good Frankenstein stunt double. So, after some exhaustive research, I did dig up a video of “Bill ” dancing at a recent political fundraiser; guessing it was Fred Doyle’s party. Spanking the planks are what Frank’s Shanks are all about (as well as rhyming, apparently).

Ned’s Take: Spanking planks? That should be worth two points on its own.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 2 (Pick 5)- Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Vesna Nuon.

With the fifth overall pick, Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread selects Vesna Nuon.

Mark Lynch: I’m not saying Vesna Nuon stole this girls cookie money, I’m not even saying Vesna Nuon’s even been to Tacoma. But the Banana Bread scouting department (the Lowell Sun) suggests an alleged track record of discretionary impropriety might yield a windfall of fantasy points come Nov 5th. The city closing apartment buildings, campaign finance misappropriations, late night parties with Mayor Murphy and his shady friend Pericles…is there no depth this man won’t stoop to? I don’t love this pick, I love the potential. I need to go and lay down. My second round pick an alleged code violating criminal mastermind. I’m in shock.

Ned’s Take: Rita and Vesna sitting next to each other in the clubhouse? Awesome draft so far Mark…(snickering)

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 2 (Pick 4)- Tower News Taliban selects Rodney Elliott.

With the fourth overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Rodney Elliott.

Tobes: Did I just do that? Rowdy Roddy Elliott joins the Taliban and we couldn’t. be happier. Sure, my blogging brethren will paint him as a guaranteed lockeroom cancer, but I couldn’t disagree more. I think of Roddy as the James Harrison of the council candidates. To outsiders, he’s grumpy head hunter in the middle of the field (heads Up Bernie). But behind the scenes, he’s the first in the weight room and the last to leave. A pro’s pro. And once he gets a taste of one of D’Mitch’s IPA’s, he’ll loosen up a bit. I’ll take those guaranteed 2nd place points to the bank.

Ned’s Take: I’m willing to bet Rodney Elliott has never lifted a weight in his life. Total reach by Tobes. Most mock drafts had Rodney going last round to Uncle Joey’s Banana Bread.

SOFC 2013 Fantasy Draft: Round 1 (Pick 3)- Tower News Taliban selects Derek Mitchell.


Brown University? They’ve got one of those in Providence, you know.
With the third overall pick, the Tower News Taliban selects Derek Mitchell.

Tobes: I can’t believe Derek Mitchell is still sitting here at #3. It makes me think my opponents didn’t read the scoring, or didn’t understand it (Mark’s a Voke grad). The guy brings nothing but value on top of value. 14 points as a 14 seed, and only like 7 people voted in September. Am I afraid that Fred Doyle and his extra chromosome thinks that the undergraduate program at Brown is garbage? Nope. Am I afraid that the Lowell Sun (despite an endorsement!?!?) regularly misinterprets his campaign points? Nope. Am I afraid that he didn’t grow up with me IN Lowell? Of course not. Think about the people we grew up with? They’re almost all assholes. So I am banking on the literate/gainfully employed portion of the voting population to show up on Nov 5 in droves and get this guy a seat. Welcome aboard Derek Mitchell.

Ned’s Take: Behind the scenes, Tobes is convinced that Derek Mitchell is the type of guy that always has strange IPA’s in the fridge and that to him is an indicator for success. I think he borrowed Fred Doyle’s extra chromosome.