Did you get your voting merit badge yet? Well when you do, please feel free to shell my social media feed with declarations and civic duty reminders. It’s the best part of election season. The “I voted” crowd coming out of the woodwork to claim their douche’ black-belts. I can’t stand it.

Voting really comes down to two things, motivation and free time. The former almost always dictates the latter. Suzy Suckass taking a hiatus from snap-posting pics of her Chilis’ caesar salad to tell you about “patriot duties” does not register.