Should Christian Hill ever lose power?


Lowell Sun

LOWELL — About 3,100 households across Christian Hill and Centralville are without power after power went out for unknown reason on Monday morning.

The outage happened at about 7:45 a.m. Monday. National Grid does not know what caused the outage and its crew is cruising through the neighborhoods to pinpoint the cause, according to National Grid spokesman David Graves. The affected area runs along VFW Highway near Bridge Street on the northern side of the Merrimack River.

Its no secret that I’m not a “for all of Lowell” type of guy. I’m a Belvideresman. I’d vote for succession if given the opportunity. But occasionally I gaze across that river and reflect admirably on our friends up there on the hill. I mean, these are people who willingly share their outdoor space with particles of our fecal matter. The least we can do is ensure that they never have to sit in darkness. They’re nestled next to the second best source of methane in the city. Let’s fire up that eternal flame and get the lights back on.

What’s in Oakland’s secret sauce?

OAKLAND, CA—Claiming to be very eager to learn anything about the team’s successful yet mysterious tactics, Americans across the nation reportedly expressed their keen interest Friday in the Oakland A’s winning formula for remaining consistently competitive over the past decade. “Year after year, the A’s win an above-average number of games even though they’re on a far smaller budget than most teams—how do they keep doing that?” said Lowell, MA resident Jake Hughes, 28, adding that someone should at least interview GM Billy Beane and, if possible, get an inside look at the way Oakland’s front office operates. “I suppose it could be pure luck, but something tells me there’s more to the story than that. I wonder—and this is all purely conjecture, of course—if they have some sort of unique system in place to get the optimal value for their payroll: a ‘fiscal ballgame,’ if you will.”

Full article from the Onion here.  So if a fictitious Lowellian makes a fake news site is it news?  That was the question posed by one of our readers Greg.  Good lookin’ out Greg.  Nice catch.  It don’t think it matters what’s in the secret sauce though, the Sox are stacked four deep in the rotation with a 2004 idiots mentality and Jonny Gomes and his tank helmet.  Smell ya later A’s. 

Jonny Gomes


They need new Jonny is my homeboy shirts for 2013.

Ladies and Gentlemen TJ Kong and the Atomic Bomb!!!!

Tomorrow the wife and myself along with the rest of our Team crew is traveling over two hours south west to Southwick, MA for the 2013 Rugged Maniac New England.  It takes place on a motocross course and is by far and away my favorite race of the season.  Why you ask?  A) the course is fun as hell B) Harpoon is the presenting sponsor and their cider is on tap!!! C) I don’t have to drive so I’m day drinking like a MoFo. D) TJ Kong and the Atomic Bomb are the best band you’ve never heard of.  Up until the Maniac last year I’d never heard of them either.  This year after the release of their first album “Manufactured Joy” which is in heavy rotation on my ipod/phone/youtube channel btw, they are back!!!  Check out that little kid rocking out.  That’s the power of TJ Kong and the Atomic Bomb.  Ned, we gotta get a SofFC night at the Backpage and get these guys up to Lowell.     Pronto



(Bonus Kong)

What are Lowellians selling on craigslist today?

Vaseline Mens fragrance free body and face lotion – $2 (Lowell)

New Vaseline
mens fragrance free body and face lotion
20.3 fl oz plus a bonus 10 fl oz attached in back

asking $2.00 exact cash please
as I do not have change
first to come with cash gets item
– Location: Lowell
– it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Are you a tea leaf reader? Do you even know what tea leaves are? Well, when I want to know how the economy is doing, I don’t need market data, unemployment rates, imports or exports. What I want to know is how much is a quality bottle of male moisturizer going for on Craigslist. The answer? $2.00 (USD I assume.). Imagine that. Such a lofty ransome and you’re not even getting a scent for your trouble. A mere two months ago it was Jurgens and Lubriderm City for practically free. And if all you had was a twenty…”no problem, bruh!” Now we’re looking at Vaseline’s JV team and a “no-change” Nazi. Somebody get Bernanke out of bed, it’s time to raise the rates.

OJ Simpson caught Red Handed

I’m not saying OJ Simpson beheaded his ex wife and her boyfriend stole oatmeal cookies, what I am saying is IF OJ Simpson  beheaded his ex wife and her boyfriend stole some cookies he’d shove them up his shirt so he could eat them in his cell later on.

This time, O.J. Simpson was caught red-handed.

The former football star is currently serving a 33-year prison sentence for armed robbery, and he apparently has a pretty big sweet tooth. Simpson was recently caught stealing cookies from the chow line by guards in the Nevada prison, the Daily Mail reports.

Guards reportedly saw Simpson trying to hide something underneath his prison clothes as he walked back to his cell after lunch one day and, after further investigation, found that the former USC standout had a stash of “more than a dozen oatmeal cookies,” which were taken away. A source told the National Enquirer that Simpson didn’t seem contrite about his actions.

“O.J. just stood there with a goofy grin on his face as the guard kept digging inside his shirt and throwing the cookies on the floor,” the source said.

Full article here. 

Freaking OJ.  I love me some oatmeal cookies but really OJ?  A dozen of them?  You fat bastard.

Another season of underdog status for the Chiefs…


Could it be? It is. We have found polling results that are actually less believable than Tuesday night’s council primary. The Chiefs are given a measly preseason bronze? The only way I can comprehend this rubbish is if the USHCO interns accidentally emailed the poll to all those illiterates down at Quinnipiac. Looks like Marty’s Party is going to have to take a few more NCAA scalps this season. Perhaps maybe even build a few more buildings just for the hell of it.