Where are all my Paleo people at?

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I would hate to abuse this forum for self serving purposes. But it seems my Facebook feed has a dearth of friends that are willing share their really interesting Paleo diet experiences. If you’ve successfully created pancakes merging foraged acorns, cashews, and beef jerky…please walk run to Facebook and drop me a friend request.

Honestly. I want to be your friend. I will totally ignore that you’ve been a lazy, jiggly piece of shit for 30 years because your last 3 months of munching nuts and bacon is impossibly interesting. I doubt cavemen took the time to Instagram pictures of meals they cobbled together, but they weren’t as awesome as you are! Please consider being my Facebook friend. I will reciprocate with all the “likes” you can handle and will even throw in an occasional “you rock.” Let’s make this happen.

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12 thoughts on “Where are all my Paleo people at?

  1. Paleo People make my cheeseburgers taste better.

  2. Did I get blocked from commenting?

    • No bud, we don’t block people. You use a different email address every time you post, thus requiring moderation.

  3. This is why I got rid of Facebook. Everyone I was associate with electronically was an asshole.

  4. I know a lot of folks on the Paleo and they consider it life changing, which is why it consumes them. People that get into running are the same way, hence those ridiculous 13.1 bumper stickers.

  5. Awesome job cropping your photo moron.

  6. @marty I saw a guy with “0.0” at the gas station the other day. I was pretty pumped.

  7. I wonder if we could do a “Tale of the Tape” comparison between the Paleos and us crazy, processed-food-and-sugar consuming Neos.

    Average height? Life expectancy? Quality of life?

    Pass me the Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

    Oh, and after you find all the Paleo Dieters to friend on Facebook, pls post them here…so I can prioritize them right alongside the people who do lots of burpees, barbell thrusts, and the other *totally killer* Cross-Fit workouts. I want to know just how sore their quads and glutes are the next day!

  8. Ahh..and forgot to say that I want to feign confusion when I see said Cross-Fitters playfully writing “I Hate You” to their trainers, interspersed w/all the “You Rock!!!” comments from their relatives.

    If they hate the people who are inflicting the burpee-induced pain, why do they keep coming back?

    Perhaps they do not truly hate these people, but are in fact employing a clever rhetorical device to subtly draw attention to the fact that they successfully executed much exercise on “Burpee Thursday.”

    Much like a modern day digital Jane Goodall, I must dwell among them on Facebook in order to better understand them.

  9. Preach GPage! Preach!

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