So I’ve been told the world is waiting “breathlessly for word on the royal birth” by several media outlets today. Are we? Are we really? I couldn’t care any less about the royal family. You know why? I’m not British! They make no impact in my life whatsoever. George Washington and company fought a war so I wouldn’t have to line up a pretend to care about a royal birth like they do over in North Korea. Hey remember all the shit we gots goings on over here? Unemployment? Spike in gas prices? Racist murderers going free after killing an “innocent” black kid (according to the “Reverend” Al Sharpton), Aaron Hernandez killer for hire? NSA reading all your emails and this blog (what’s up boys? Go get some lunch. You’ve earned it.) Whitey Bulger’s trial? Anyone? If I would have told you ten years ago that a) Whitey Bulger would be caught and then b) no one would even care about his trial you’d think I was nuttier than squirrel turd.
In summation the only royalty I recognize lives in Minneapolis at Paisley Park, wears high heels, a whole lot of purple and is a god damned musical genius. ‘Merica.