Porn- the unwavering benchmark of progress.

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A Tennessee man is suing Apple, claiming the tech giant is at fault for selling devices that grant him unrestricted access to porn on the internet.

In a 50 page complaint, filed mid-June, former attorney Chris Sevier holds that since Apple is “concerned with the welfare of our Nation’s children, while furthering pro-American values” it should “sell all its devices in ‘safe mode,’ with software preset to filter out pornographic content.”

Per the complaint, Sevier’s problem began after he tried to visit “Facebook.com,” but — accidentally, he says — typed “F**kbook.com,” an adult site that “appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and led to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences.”
Huffington Post

“Sir, are you aware that only pedofliles and lunatics access Facebook via manual key strokes?”

I’m not a Lawyer, but I’m pretty sure I could wrap this case up with a bow in time for all of us to head down to Gormley’s for some bacon, egg, and cheeses.

The fact of the matter is that since the dawn of man, innovative creation has been driven by the demand for greater efficiencies around porn consumption.

From your typical bored troglodyte, to Copernicus, to Franklin, to Jobs…the mantra has been simple…”we need more porn…faster.”

Don’t believe me? How about the wheel? Porn consumption was infinitely better once man figured out how to roll stuff. The steam engine? It cut the Atlantic crossing in half, which no doubt delighted consumers of weird Euro-Fetish porn. Eli Whitney realized that porn and horrific calluses are a recipe for disaster…and whallah! Every plantation’s got themselves a Cotton Gin.

I could go on all day, but I won’t. I don’t need to. Facts are facts. A jury of Chris Sevier’s peers will sort this out accordingly, and progress will NOT be deterred!

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