Back Off in #Haiku. 6/29-7/4/2015

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[Please note: These haiku are translated from angry anonymous messages published in a couple of newspaper in northeast Massachusetts, USA. The Sons of Franky Cabot are not responsible for whatever the point of the original messages might have been].

Backtalk:

6/29/2015

They’re a one-trick pony.
Beating the same old dead horse.
Ride into sunset.

Confederate flag.
Important part of our past.
Let’s just learn from it.

The White House is ours.
Obama only lives there.
Tennants have no rights.

Old farm equipment.
I don’t see any appeal.
Horrible parade.

Sacred Heart condos.
Why would the church allow this?
Ugliness abounds.

Elections divide.
Board of Selectmen proves this.
Harmony unseen.

Pothole location.
Right road but wrong city.
Lowell’s looking good.

6/30/2015

Olympics will cost.
Just another scam on us.
Overpriced party.

No one cared before.
But one little massacre…
Let them keep their flag.

Trump would be better.
Can’t be worse than Obama.
Trust him completely.

7/1/2015

Try hitting adults.
That doesn’t go over well.
But you can hit kids.

Clean up sewer grates.
There’s a parade Saturday.
I want them sparkling.

Meter maids will rule.
24/7 empire.
No to Olympics.

The Prez shouldn’t preach.
My ancestors owned no slaves.
Shove your ‘redemption.’

Potholes all repaired.
Old asphalt chunks still on side.
Please get rid of those.

7/2/2015

Confederate flag.
Hung upon a black statue.
Should have kept it there.

She tore down the flag.
Sure it was vandalism.
But it should have stayed.

‘Tilted Kilt’ opens.
Like ‘Hooters’ but with good food.
Makes us look seedy.

Police called my house.
Said they have to measure it.
Might not be the case.

More housing for vets.
Glad to see them developed.
Thanks to all involved.

Driver’s license fees.
Miscellaneous small costs.
That’s somebody’s job.

Squirrels moved away.
We used to like feeding them.
No one wants my nuts.

Return your barrels.
The trucks have all come and gone.
Wind blows empty bins.

7/4/2015

Fireworks came early.
Could have waited ’til Friday.
Work in the morning.

Selectboards vary.
The last one wasn’t that good.
Power gets tripped on.

Home inspection scam.
I’m not letting anyone in.
Just unwarranted.

Home inspectors thing.
I’ll need to see some ID.
Doors remain locked shut.

Stay out of my house.
Measure outside if you want.
You’re not invited.

Sound Off

Monday

Graveyard has “ghost walks.”
Offensive to all Christians.
Spirits have left us.

No “recovery.”
The media lies to us.
No truth remaining.

Information signs.
The digital roadside ones.
Glad we have those now.

No Charleston riots.
I’m very impressed with that.
The bar is set high.

I read the paper.
It always makes me sadder.
Going back to bed.

Democrats are bad.
Gave us abortion and worse.
Unholy sleazebags.

Iraq invasion.
Wasn’t ’bout 9/11.
Saddam was no Dude.

Death penalty costs.
Nothing but a legal scam.
Life remains cheaper.

Wednesday

Transparency’s gone.
A country for lobbyists.
Blaming the voters.

Junior High graduates.
Organized ceremony.
Congratulations.

Rockets getting lost.
Millions of dollars wasted.
Let’s explore oceans.

We deserve a say.
Micromanagement unites.
Don’t shoo us away.

Saturday

Mayor hates yard sales.
City has bigger issues.
Big picture blurry.

Voting for raises.
Claiming that they work so hard.
All they ever do.

Bring back firing squads.
Make it all fancy and shit.
Not painful at all.

Highways are noisy.
Trees and barriers required.
A problem widens.

Sixty apartments.
On a two-acre parcel.
Just not realistic.

Back Off in #Haiku. 6/22-27/2015

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Backtalk:

6/23/2015

The word ‘positive.’
Means ‘believed true’ and ‘hopeful.’
Word play can be fun.

Concerns ‘ bout Muslims.
Written in a nice letter.
Worthy of a job.

Potholes near town line.
Management has been informed.
Repairs coming soon.

No plans for leasing.
I save up and buy with cash.
No car ads for me.

6/24/2015

Good luck to Marty.
My kids are proud alumni.
Hard work acknowledged.

Please freeze tuition.
Management steals the future.
Can’t take it with you.

Leave the flag alone.
It didn’t kill nine people.
Crazy red neck did.

Cheap shit unwanted.
A store will not stay for long.
Our town looks ugly.

6/25/2015

Lucas is funny.
Hillary-Brady column.
Some of his best work.

Bloodbath on Thursday.
Vote for racist on Friday.
Sad state of affairs.

Only Jesus saves.
Come to him if you want life.
He will end it all.

Michelle Malkin’s blog.
Thank-you for publishing it.
I agree with her.

6/26/2015

Civil War motive.
Fought to preserve the Union.
Not for slavery.

Brag ‘ bout honesty?
Makes me trust you that much less.
No to Olympics.

Encourage doctors.
We want them to open shop.
No more dollar stores.

New traffic pattern.
Dumps cut-throughs into the mix.
Clusterfuck made worse.

Big Papi won’t run.
I’d like to see some hustle.
No matter his age.

Varnum Avenue.
Ambulance rides are bumpy.
Repairs needed now.

6/27/2015

Olympics wasteful.
Eileen Donohue knows this.
Better things to do.

Two-lane fast food joint.
Disaster in the making.
If we speed things up.

Lucas is loopy.
Sanders isn’t his uncle.
That’s just crazy talk.

Raise minimum wage.
Help those fighting poverty.
The Prez can do this.

Sound Off

Monday

Trump is a dick.
Vulgar and can’t take a joke.
Far too arrogant.

Climates always change.
That’s simply part of nature.
Don’t blame pollution.

Send Trump to Cancun.
Then build a wall around him.
Morally bankrupt.

State police helping.
Fewer drivers being bad.
Improving commute.

The Left is greedy.
Make millions and give nothing.
Total hypocrites.

Too many sports teams.
Talent pool gets watered down.
Some teams won’t impress.

Tuesday

Can’t afford taxes?
Move to a cheaper city.
Or hold a bake sale.

Stop blaming the flag.
Don’t use if for agendas.
The kid was just sick.

New law is ignored.
Perhaps better to repeal.
Time to just give up.

LeBron good for now.
But nothing next to Russell.
Product watered down.

Corporate welfare.
Not for outside companies.
Locals would be fine.

Wednesday

Motorcycle noise.
Doesn’t really save riders.
Just makes people deaf.

Oligarchs rule us.
We no longer have a say.
Get it together.

Methuen traffic.
This council won’t improve things.
Scaring customers.

Qualified people.
Might reside in other towns.
Don’t fault them for that.

Thursday

It was religion.
Bomber boy was a Muslim.
Don’t blame terrorists.

Meetings take too long.
Too many stupid questions.
Elect smarter folks.

New laws come and stay.
We should be more flexible.
Admit when we’re wrong.

Elderly housing.
Climate control is tricky.
Problem to resolve.

Immigration laws.
I’d like to see those enforced.
Lawrence won’t do this.

Death penalty costs.
Prob’ly less than the manhunt.
Cons had it easy.

Obamacare won.
The Right still offers nothing.
Glad we’re all covered.

Obamacare hurts.
Only lobbyists like it.
They gave us NAFTA.

Bomber Boy’s people.
We did kill a lot of them.
A point has been made.

Goodell takes too long.
NFL fans want to know.
Drama inflated.

VA in the red.
Maybe we need fewer vets.
That means fewer wars.

 

Back Off in #Haiku June 15-20th, 2015

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Back Off in #Haiku June 15-20th, 2015

[Please note: I just don’t care about Lawrence this week. Screw them. If anybody wants to read the Eagle Tribune and post your haiku in the comments section either here or on Facebook please do. Also using ‘Trumps’ as a one-syllable word meaning ‘restroom’ was a contest. I won.]

Backtalk

Monday

Taxes pay MassHealth.
Methadone wastes our money.
Socialist tax cheats.

Brandon’s Mercedes.
Paint streaks and finger prints there.
Scooby can stay home.

Christian Hill trees gone.
Nowhere left for birds to nest.
Birds aren’t shortsighted.

There goes neighborhood.
Dollar store brings us nothing.
New Hampshire’s right there.

Red lights can save lives.
That’s the reason we have them.
You won’t be that late.

Tuesday

Dracut trash service.
Fails to pick up large items.
Ignoring my calls.

Niki Tsongas fought.
Stood against party platform.
Kind of like her now.

Doctor David Smith.
Dedicated professional.
Sad to hear he passed.

Welfare Cheaters Beach.
I know this because I… I…
I’M NOT A RACIST!

Dracut City Hall.
Looks like a POW camp.
This amuses me.

Neighborhood take back.
Hunt down those littering creeps.
Report their asses.

Wednesday

Trees provided shade.
The river path is naked now.
Too hot for my pole.

Gave me motor oil.
That angel of Tyngsboro.
Your wings have been earned.

Gender-neutral Trumps.
Urinals in ladies’ room?
Someone please tell me!

Invade privacy.
Tell me about their families.
Inquiring mindless.

Thursday

Worse than the Big Dig.
Raised sewer caps everywhere.
Glad there’s no traffic.

Funny article.
Donald Trump and Kate Jenner.
Merkins everywhere!

Vote thru the telly.
School department on parade.
Show us the bastards.

US treasury.
Does anyone have their ear?
I have ideas.

Inspections performed.
Town manager should know that.
Oversight lacking.

Saturday

Low-bid contractors.
Then they add stuff when you’re stuck.
Dilbert covered this.

I agree with him.
Except on death penalty.
Let the bastards rot.

Rubio’s no threat.
Her own biography is.
That’s just Hillary.

Lock up Donald Trump.
He’s crazier than his hair.
Cashmere straitjacket.

Vote for Eleanor.
Put Roosevelt on the ten.
She helped veterans.

Supporting Niki.
Helluva kick ass job there.
Love that fuggin’ chick.

Andover Road help.
Flat tire by cemetery.
Big thanks owed to you.

Salary increase.
Matching tuition increase?
Kind of hate that school.

Radar on one ten.
I drive that road ev’ryday.
Stop harassing me.

Back Off in #Haiku. June 8th-13th, 2015

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[Please note: In memory of Dusty Rhodes I kindly ask that you read all of these in his voice. https://youtu.be/vVzwnrRBfCUhttps://youtu.be/vVzwnrRBfCU ]

Sound Off.

Monday

Ramblin’ bout the gays.
They don’t deserve equal rights.
Hippy Christ said so.

UnAmerican.
Libertarians and more.
Vote for status quo.

Change both of your names.
Bruce Jenner ain’t a Jenner.
Dicks make families.

Bus driver texting.
Time to face our addictions.
Organize Meet Ups.

[Timberlane School stuff.
More corruption and scandals.
Something ‘ bout Dora]

Tuesday.

Unemployment facts.
Those who gave up aren’t counted.
Nor are Walmart jobs.

Obamacare scam.
All your rates are going up.
You’ve all been hoodwinked.

Socialist Sanders.
He wears that label proudly.
We’re not name calling.

Pot heads will kill us.
The roads will be a nightmare.
Our children are doomed.

High school softball team.
Great year from good role models.
Good luck to the grads.

Hillary’s my choice.
Everyone else is clueless.
There is no contest.

Wednesday.

The Prez sold us out.
We’re part of a union now.
That sonovabitch.

Big Bird taught Spanish?
He also taugh history.
Close schools completely.

Welfare fraud exists.
Good luck studying that shit.
I busted my butt.

Eight Dunkin Donuts.
Not one single gallery.
Haverhill ain’t that great.

DOMA overturned.
Only one part of it though.
Story incomplete.

Pot heads drive slower.
Denver says car deaths are down.
Crime rates also dropped.

Thursday.

Ain’t cops’ job to teach.
Parents should warn kids ’bout drugs.
It’s your fault they’re dead.

Hillary Benghazi.
That chick should be in prison.
Clinton is the new black.

We all pay FICA.
Don’t talk like it’s charity.
Screw the illegals.

Bad drivers abound.
Cutting me off politely?
There ain’t no such thing.

Just don’t join ISIS.
They’re like a really bad cult.
Worse than Juggalos.

Saturday

EBT card fraud.
Way underestimated.
Tight controls needed.

Sox fan hit by bat.
MLB should cover all costs.
Skip the fundraiser.

Clinton killed no one.
The Right cut security.
But enemies killed.

The buck stops at home.
Teach your kids heroin kills.
Learn how to parent.

Loud bike are outlawed.
None of this “One Percent” stuff.
They’re all criminals.

Some drivers are slow.
They deserve to get cut off.
Modern life moves quick.

Backtalk

Monday, June 8, 2015

Big charges pending.
Remove from active duty.
Think it through a bit.

Triple-decker stands.
Supposed to be demolished.
Law still unenforced.

Man up and clean up.
Cemeteries need mowing.
No more excuses.

New Hampshire business.
One hundred dollars to start.
Mass wants five times that.

I know where you live.
Your yard sale sign is still up.
I’m coming for you.

Pediatricians.
Make a living off children.
Teachers should as well.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Use private flagmen.
Free up the cops for real stuff.
Plus they’re much cheaper.

Congratulations.
Adult-ed staff and students.
A terrific place.

Biker gangs remain.
Three men killed in western Mass.
Good article though.

Hernandez dressed well.
Shouldn’t be be in orange?
Killer fashion sense.

Stop crying poor mouth.
The school bought Marty Meehan.
Overpriced beggar.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Dropped Spike pretty quick.
Should have waited for trial.
That would have been fair.

Congrats Bernie Lynch.
You were an asset to us.
Darkness finds us now.

Town Hall unfinished.
Doesn’t give us confidence.
Businesses scared off.

MassHealth pays for rides.
Old folks get federal care.
Stop blaming addicts.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Wrong pick got the job.
Should have gone with the youngster.
Regret fill find you.

Political stuff.
That’s why they picked who they did.
It’s all politics.

Lots of repaving.
Glad to see it getting done.
Don’t forget my street.

Dollar Store coming.
Being built on old farm land.
Wish someone told us.

Meehan runs this town.
School does more than the Council.
Make it official.

Paving blocked our lots.
Customers couldn’t get in.
Towns should plan better.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Some bills must be payed.
Social Security’s small.
Grandchildren need help.

Kerry stayed a week.
We would have gotten two days.
Fairness is lacking.

Franchise Fee increase.
Is the city responsible?
Seems like a ripoff.

Merging on the bridge.
A woman straddles both lanes.
Her own mystery.

Blaming the parents.
Hide your children in basements.
That’s where they’ll be safe.

Speeders on Wentworth.
School and city bus drivers.
Limit is thirty.

Two escaped inmates.
Media covers search team.
Cons might be watching.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Tuition increase.
Lower it by cutting pay.
Start with professors.

Where is your business?
Your ad doesn’t mention this.
Might be important.

Circus metaphor.
City Council loaded with clowns.
Nothing but an act.

Money slips away.
300 million to Greece.
Attention lacking.

Traffic and parking.
A challenge in good weather.
Problem to address.

 

Back Off in #Haiku. June 1-6, 2015

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[Please note: Friday night/Saturday morning I decided to call in sick for this job. A couple of friends picked up my slack and they’re given credit. Remember: they’re just translators/messengers. Don’t shoot them.]

Backtalk: 6/1/2015

Donate all your time.
It’s what we expect of you.
Private sector does.

Peals on the sidewalk.
Staple of old slapstick flicks.
Keep that off my lawn.

Why they say “lucked out”?
Luck is what you fell into.
Confusion sets in.

Alien nation
Stealing billions of my cash
Come work for me now
~S Jacque Antonaccio

Backtalk: 6/2/2015
(by Felicia Sullivan)

Three police officers
One Mammoth Road hole to watch
Three too much me thinks

Bad pet owner’s fault
Courts too packed because of them
Give Chelmsford a break

Property eyesore
Dracut Manager should fine
Too much dough needed

Greedy teachers, yes
They don’t care for Dracut’s kids
Cash is all they want

Irish approve gay marriage
cuts off nose to spite their faith
Broken vows I say

You have a narrow mind
Dracut moralist. I say
To be open is good.

Backtalk 6/3/15.
(back to Ratbas)

Prez doesn’t listen.
That’s why advisers won’t stay.
Micromanager.

Military shoes.
Why aren’t they made locally?
Troops should support us.

Event was well-run.
Cancer walk went perfectly.
Totally impressed.

Outsourcing issues.
Aramark cleaners stole stuff.
Not really surprised.

Pay cops like doctors.
Without them we’re pretty screwed.
Same goes for teachers.

Backtalk: 6/4/2015

Leave Jenner alone.
That’s no one’s business but their’s.
Go find some real news.

Not that impressive.
Milton Berle also dressed up.
As well as Hoover.

Not really a cop.
You chase dogs for a living.
Get over yourself.

Big unemployment.
50 million on food stamps.
Prez says it’s all good.

Shelter is picky.
Only taking brand new clothes.
Tags need to be on.

Give him a minute.
He needs to find out something.
That’s funny to me.

Get a Trojan horse.
Put it in the park on North.
Good use for the park.

Natural gas cost.
Major reductions soon here.
National Grid sucks.

Took my kids away.
Gave them to a couple drunks.
Screw you DCF.

Backtalk: 6/5/2015

Lost my cleaning job.
Aramark guys stealing shit?
Laughing my ass off.

No Olympics here.
Transit system is a joke.
Just can’t handle it.

Finish construction.
I’m sure it’s a nice building.
Dirt piles block the view.

Girls helped our parade.
Little ones holding the signs.
Just adorable.

Don’t care if they’re kids.
Armed punks broke into my place.
Public shaming now.

John Kerry’s tough break.
I have a clever joke here:
He used training wheels.

Backtalk: 6/6/2015

Should have got the job.
I just don’t understand it.
He seemed qualified.

TV in my trash.
Somebody else put it there.
I’m gonna get fined.

Concord River bridge.
Need one for pedestrians.
Help them cross over.

Guessing it’s your kid.
You’re prob’ly a bad parent.
Good job DCF.

Drugs are expensive.
Seniors going without meds.
But addicts get them.

Sound Off

Monday, June 1, 2015

Heimlich maneuver.
Now called “Abdominal thrusts.”
Saved my husband’s life.

Can’t trust Hillary.
Family of corruption.
Voters’ denial.

Can we skip the drunks?
Don’t have to publish all posts.
Ramblers ruin it.

Free up tax money.
Abandon the freeloaders.
Stop taxing the rich.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Wish Hillary turned Right.
Then the press would attack her.
Lib’ral media.

The bomber boys.
Wasn’t about religion.
Didn’t bomb a church.

Temporary bridge.
What they need down in Cape Cod.
Say 14 lanes wide.

Charity at home.
Benefit for fallen cops?
Doesn’t help my town.

Privatize transit.
We don’t need transparency.
More shitty temp jobs.

I’m a Democrat.
But I love Mike Huckabee.
Stood up for Duggar.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

I lost my wallet.
Folks delivered to my door.
Wish I got your name.

That new hands-free law.
Why bother with casinos?
Big dough just from that.

John Kerry’s medals.
Don’t give him one for his leg.
Didn’t earn his Hearts.

Socialist Sanders.
Not in my America.
Go back to Vermont.

FACT: Naked Cycling without a boner is just really weird exercise.

Naked Cycling

Mirror UK- Police were forced to intervene in a naked cycling event – after reports one of the riders got ‘overexcited’.

The ‘aroused’ cyclist was pulled aside and put his jeans back on before being spoken to by officers.

Organisers of the World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR) said the rider was removed before the ride started in Canterbury, Kent, on Saturday.

The naked rides, which take place in cities and towns around the world, are organised to highlight the dangers cyclists face from cars.

Participants are permitted to cycle naked but must adhere to strict rules.

One witness said: “Everyone was taking their clothes off to get ready for the ride. I heard gasps and I turned around – it was a horrible sight.

“It’s fair to say he was overexcited and got aroused. It looked like he was enjoying the event a bit too much.

“One of the organisers went over to him and told him to put his trousers on while speaking on a walkie-talkie to police.

“The man looked sheepish when he was spoken to by the police.”

No boners?!?!  Fuck that noise.  Per the USNCAA, the governing body of naked cycling and archery, all riders must be sporting a minimum 35 degree semi at all times to participate in naked cycling.  Rules are rules, fellas. The world of naked cycling does not need any cowboys with their Stalin-esque “no boner” policies, it simply grades against the spirit of the sport…which everyone knows is the purest form of the sport of cycling.  You ever see Lance Armstrong competing in Naked Cycling?  That’s because the entire world, and Cheryll Crow, knows it is chemically impossible for Lance to cross the finish line with a credibly taught victory flag flying. No doping.  Pure unadulterated Integrity!  That’s what naked cycling is about.  And also gross bodies.  Integrity and gross bodies! Boners aren’t just welcome, they’re mandatory.

Back Off in #Haiku. 5/25-30th/15

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Backtalk: 5/27/2015

Blaming Obama.
Alt universe World War 2.
Respect the fallen.

Cemetery lawn.
Unmowed with leaves still present.
Unacceptable.

Weeds among tombstones.
Visitors ignoring blight.
Call in the bishops.

Tom isn’t in jail.
No sense trying to free him.
Move on with your lives.

Damn you Ireland.
Turning your back on the faith.
Where were the voters?

Backtalk: 5/28/2015

Trash fee proposal.
Money goes to school teachers.
They’re unqualified.

Global climate change.
Prez believes that’s the big threat.
I believe he is.

Officials grab balls.
They do this after each play.
Kind of makes me cough.

Cameo Diner.
35 years on Lakeview.
Go try an omelette.

Crosswalk near Dunkin’s.
Out by Dutton and Fletcher.
Add it to the plan.

Trapped in voice mail hell.
Only to find they’ve shut down.
Please say it sooner.

IRS is fine.
Nothing needs any fixing.
You’ll only break it.

Backtalk: 5/29/2015

Flags on their markers.
More important to our vets.
Don’t bitch ’bout the lawn.

’twas a bad winter.
Snow high as a giraffe’s arse.
Long recovery.

Saint Joseph’s looks good.
They weed whacked around the stones.
Very respectful.

Why own the bridges?
Sure they’re our infrastructure.
But they’re expensive.

You still can’t park there.
Shuttle spots aren’t parking spots.
Even after six.

Lock ATM door.
Makes it harder to rob folks.
Common sense to me.

Backtalk: 5/30/2015

Parade of sadness.
Only the drummer playing.
But traffic ran smooth.

Lexicon evolves.
Old words fall into disuse.
Changes come slowly.

Dog license issues.
Wasting the time of judges.
Drop the eye exam.

Spoilers would be nice.
Future caught me off my guard.
Changes I can’t make.

“Do not call” I said.
Signed up for that more than once.
Bastards have no souls.

Sound Off. Tuesday.

“Liberal bias”?
More like distancing itself.
The guy’s a scumbag.

Meter fee increase.
That will clear up the traffic.
No one will come here.

Dead boats are allowed.
But put liens for unmowed lawns.
Nothing but logic.

Killing is just wrong.
Not arguing about the cost.
That’s just counterpoint.

Losing discipline.
Drivers all act entitled.
And they look like bums.

Memorial Day.
Phillips Academy ran.
Too disrespectful.

Sound Off. Wednesday.

School greenhouse project.
Commendable idea.
But plastic scares me.

Wonderful turnout.
But couldn’t hear the speakers.
Amplified concerns.

One more committee:
The Committee Committee.
Creates committees.

Working on my boat.
I can do that in my yard.
Now mow your damn lawn.

Sound Off. Saturday.

Use stigma wisely.
Calling them “junkies” will help them.
Bad things should sound bad.

I hate your puppy.
Barking little shit machine.
Clean up after it.

Sanders and Clinton.
Right has two dozen losers.
Fresh blood would be nice.

Valuable art.
Why have it locked in a closet?
I’ll watch it for you.

Population growth.
All of it immigration.
We need more police.