How much does it cost the tax payer to man the @MassGov Twitter Feed?

Mass.gov
How much does it cost to the tax payer to man the Mass.Gov Twitter Feed? It doesn’t matter how much it costs, because the information that they are raining on my twitter feed is fantastic.  “Don’t stand next to a tractor during a thunderstorm”…duly  noted, sir!  Ever since their little “Sexual Assualt is avoidable” snafu, it’s been nothing but fastballs with no movement..right down the heart of the plate.

I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring just in the event that the maestro of @massgov account needs a vacation fill-in.

I’ll start it out slow with this one:

GravityI’ll follow up that captivating tweet with a helpful one for all you romantics:

sunsetThis next tweet would be categorized under “sanitation” and “plumbing infrastructure.”

fiberNow that I have you’re attention, I’m going to let the masses know that we here at the @Massgov twitter department have learned from our mistakes and are better equipped to manage the nuances and  sensitivity of discussing sexual assault in under 140 characters:

rapeThis summer is approaching half time, time to put down the remote and enjoy all the outdoor recreation that this great state has to offer:

bathtub  There’s a lot of anxious kids heading off to summer camp worrying about whether or not they’ll be able to make new friends:

fartKeeping with the social theme, let’s work on becoming more responsible as consumers:

weedAnd if the folks in the State Human Resources department haven’t escorted me out of the building yet:

Craigslist

 

 

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/22/14

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Day 9. Once again only three entries. I checked the hardcopy at the library. Same deal. All three entries are pretty reasonable concerns about the Market Basket workers’ protest (guess you can only call it a strike if there’s a union involved). Where are the cranks? Why aren’t they calling? I… I need them. Here you go. See previous entries for the disclaimer. This just isn’t the same.

Market Basket fam.
Prob’bly gonna just sell out.
Slimy greedy jerks.
-Lowell

They should unionize.
That’s what will wake up the board.
Do it for Arty.
-Dracut

Purity Supreme.
Died off when the workers fought.
We’re all gonna starve.
-Lowell

Sorry Market Basket Employees, you can’t steal Crazy Legs’ spotlight.

Let’s get one thing straight, if there’s anyone who can steal the attention away from Arty T and the Demoulas cult, it’s Crazy Legs. The Folk Festival is upon us, and that can only mean one thing…trying to not get sucked into the vortex of the tippy-toed, rhythmic wonder that is Crazy Legs. He’s 8th wonder of the world. The first guy since Swayze that can impregnate you with the twitch of a hip. This is his week.

Only 4 more sleeps until Folk Festival.

Backtalk in Haiku. 7/21/14

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Day 8. Only three? And I think one of these might be a rerun. Is there usually more in the hardcopy? I’ll have to go to the library to find out. But yeah, no punchlines have been added etc.

Money ain’t worth much.
We’re printing too much of it.
Government is scum.
-Parts Unknown

Immigrant children.
Can go four months without school.
Stay at Deval’s house.
-Dracut

Buy your own damn pills.
Nothing to do with my faith.
Just keep your pants on.
-Dracut

It’s shaping to to be a fun day at the Basket.

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I hope everyone bought all their Tastee O’s yesterday. The Market Basket board better get their shit together an appease these people, because skill sets capable of stocking shelves and slicing meat don’t just fall in your lap every day.

Now that I got the snark out of the way, I do respect the spirit of the whole thing though. At a minimum, it’s an amazing tribute to Arthur T. At some point he may want encourage these folks to not lose their jobs.

At the same time, the stadium plaza is exponentially better looking. I’m not sure what it is?

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